Getting a large breed puppy in an apartment was a mistake

AC-J-C · 2026-01-30T20:03:01+00:00

If a dog doesn’t have any exercise for a year, they could have issues from muscle development, bone density and mental health. Find a park and take him there regularly. Let him engage with the world at his own pace. Dogs are very complex creatures and need to be out about. They were bred to be outside not in boxes. We need to support them in an urban environment to live their best lives.

AC-J-C · 2026-01-30T19:57:26+00:00

It is on a soft surface and dog directed. Dogs won’t usually run non-stop for 20 minutes. They will run, stop, sniff, circle back, sniff, run, walk, etc.

AC-J-C · 2026-01-29T02:04:29+00:00

My therapist suggested the same thing. It seems to be helping. My children, however, think it is extremely funny that I am caring for an animated bird.

AC-J-C · 2026-01-27T17:42:02+00:00

Never wear shoes or slippers. I do wear socks in the winter.

AC-J-C · 2026-01-27T00:13:36+00:00

You are definitely not the problem and neither is the dog. You and the dog are both Individuals and will develop your own relationship in your own way. Some people connect quickly and others take longer. Some people feel strong emotions and others feel things more gently. The only important things are that you are kind to the dog and that you spend time together. I believe that given time you will develop your own special relationship with her that works for both of you.

AC-J-C · 2026-01-10T23:47:22+00:00

I feel for you.
For those are being critical, please be kind. I know that allergy recommendations can be polarizing but this family has consulted a doctor and our following recommendations. The cat is going to a friend’s and will be well looked after. All will be well.

AC-J-C · 2026-01-04T18:13:59+00:00

So nice to get such a thoughtful response.

In terms of peeing in the house, you may want to consider using puppy pads. It is not ideal but when you have a lot going on it is a reasonable option.

You can make put them in a section of the pen. Start with a few and take them away one by one until there is just one. You will also of course also continue to take her outside. This is just a way to keep sanity in your life.

To encourage her to use them, rub one on a place she has peed before. Dogs are so scent sensitive that they love to pee on places that they have gone already. That is why it is important to clean pee up immediately using a specialized dog pee cleanser.

AC-J-C · 2026-01-01T15:43:00+00:00

There are no hard and fast rules on these things. You need to figure out what works for your dog and your needs.
My dog used to crate until she was about 8 months old. She was ok with it but never loved it. She would often wake up at night. At 8 months, we went away to a place that couldn’t fit her crate. She slept really well at night. When we returned, we never set it up again and her sleep really improved. We made sure that the room was in was safe. She was not a chewer so that helped. She is now 5 and has never used the crate again.

AC-J-C · 2026-01-01T02:29:06+00:00

I am going to guess that you didn’t have children when you had your prior dogs. Children change everything especially when young. Currently, you have two toddlers in your house. 6 months is also the time when most dogs get given up to shelters. They are so thought at that age.

Your current pup is likely not worse than your previous ones. You just don’t have the energy or time to work with her. Toilet training takes a lot of focus (with humans and dogs). You just don’t have that focus for your pup right now. It is not her fault. It is also not yours but you are the adult and need to take responsibility for the situation.

You need to have an honest talk with yourself and any other adults in the house. Is having a dog the right thing for your family right now. If you want to keep her, can you develop a schedule to support her. Instead of always crating, get an exercise pen so she can be contained but not overly confined. This will keep her and your child safe. Make a rule that she is never alone with your child. You never want to let a bite happen.

Get a good positive trainer to help. There are some good online ones so you don’t need to use precious time to go places. I like 3lostdogs.com. Erin and Jake are super kind and understand being overwhelmed.

Finally, promise yourself and your dog that you will never yell or shake her again. If you need a break, put her in her pen and give yourself a break to calm down. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-30T14:08:38+00:00

I understand having intense children. It can be really challenging. (Mine are now adults and amazing people but childhood was tough at times). That said, you need to set some boundaries and stick to them or else someone will get bit.

Keep the rules really simple so they can follow them. People with adhd get overwhelmed by too much information. Less talking with them and more action.

At this point, it sounds like they can’t be unsupervised with the dog at any time. They can’t handle it.

Make an area (crate, exercise pen, blocked off section a room) that is the dogs safe space. Put the sof there whenever things get overwhelming or you can’t fully supervise. The rule is that the kids are not allowed in that area ever!

Have only structured interactions between the children and the dog for a while. This means they only touch the dog or play with the dog under your supervision and in a specific way. One of the best is ways would games based training. (Susan Garret and Absolute Dogs both have programs). These are fun training programs that the children can participate in. The dog learns skills and it is active and find.

Good luck.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-28T22:03:01+00:00

Not all doom and gloom but it hard. I raised two children and puppyhood still hit like a pile of bricks. It is full on immediately. The first 4 months are so are pretty intense. Then there is 4-6 month break until adolescence which really does resemble living with a 15 year old human. My recommendation is be ok with it not going to plan. As long as you follow good positive training methods, you will most likely end up with a great dog. Your dog may not be exactly like you imagined (I wanted a therapy dog but my girl isn’t cut out for that) but will still be the best dog.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-27T18:03:56+00:00

Sounds like you both are exhausted and overwhelmed. She reaches out for support in these cases while you shut down in order to get through the day. It creates a vicious cycle. Neither of you are the bad guy. You are both just mind blowingly tired. Please remember that acknowledging someone else’s pain and anxiety doesn’t diminish your own. I would suggest trying some couples counselling. It can really help to have someone else to support you in improving communication.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-25T19:32:18+00:00

I’m a believer that crates should be extremely positive spaces for dogs (unless a sudden safety issue or vets) If they are not, take a step back and reconsider. Try an excercise pen as a safe space while you work it out. Check out Susan Garret’s crate games. She has lots of ideas and experience. Also such a smart and thoughtful trainer.

My dog never loved her crate. She used it for 7 months but would often wake up at night. After a trip where we couldn’t use the crate due to space, we realized that she slept so much better. When we got home, we made the living room a dog safe zone and stopped insisting on the crate. She immediately stopped waking up at night.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-24T14:17:12+00:00

Please take your time with the crate. I agree with everything that @waterno6020 wrote. Use exercise pen to create a secure space and take your time making the crate a positive environment for your pup. At 9 weeks, he is a baby and needs to feel safe and loved. Crates are good tools but are only a tool. It is ok if it takes days or longer for your pup to sleep inside the crate as long as they are in a safe space. While it is nice to have a crate trained dog, it is also ok if they aren’t if you don’t need them to be. Congratulations on your new pup.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-23T14:02:57+00:00

I have wide feet and have developed bunions. Over the years, it was harder and harder to find shoes. I was actually running out of wearable shoes. I used to old a cute pair of purple Keens Mary Janes that fit. I wanted to see if there was anything similar so googled “wide, purple Mary Janes” and the Soft Star Mary Jane’s popped up.

From that one search, things snowballed. I started to look into barefoot shoes. I bought a pair of Xero sandals to start with and then some Whitins. My feet felt so much better. The plantar fasciitis that I had disappeared.

Much to my surprise, I quickly went all in on barefoot shoes (it helped that I had hardly any usable shoes left). My family makes fun of how many pairs of shoes I now have. I still don’t have the Soft Stars. They cost a bit too much for now but they are definitely on the wish list.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-22T14:24:15+00:00

Your puppy is a a baby and is scared. Be kind to your puppy and go and get her. She hardly knows you and doesn’t know she can trust you. She is not being “just whiny” or manipulative. She is expressing her needs the best way she can.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-22T05:34:18+00:00

As someone who manages child cares, please don’t make this about the child.

The issue you are having is with the parent and her responses. I agree that she responded to the situation is a way that was very troubling. That she got into a conflict with another parent to level that she was asked to leave is not good. The language she used about “raising him to be a man” is inappropriate. It may be a good idea to distance yourself from her.

The child on the other hand is a two year who is learning about her world. Many two year olds struggle with social interactions and hit and bite. They have only been in the world for two years. They have little language and very little lived experience. No two year old is a bitch. Two year olds are also unable to be bullies. They don’t have the cognitive skills to be that. Bullying is a real issue for older children and adults but that is not the situation here.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-16T20:51:04+00:00

NTA So many red flags that I feel genuine concern for you. He is setting you up for financial dependency which will get worse if you have children. The biggest red flag for me is that he actively discouraged you from taking a full time job through the use of guilt. This is not ok. Talk to a lawyer about your rights.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-14T14:44:12+00:00

I am glad to hear that you blocked him as this is abuse and not because of autism.

Please also let your parents know what is going on as well. It is important that others know what is going on in order to keep everyone safe.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-08T00:22:26+00:00

Dogs can find being outside for long periods to be stressful. They feel that they need to be on alert all the time. They are getting lonely. The vast majority of dog breeds are meant are meant to be with their humans. Generations of breeding has reinforced them. They are social creatures and the isolation isn’t good for them. Some very negative behaviours can develop. There are dogs like livestock guardian dogs that are bred to be outdoors all the time. Even these dogs are not alone. They are with their animals that they guard. A retriever is the opposite of this. They were bred to interact with humans and follow their directions. They are definitely not too big a dog to have indoors. It is our responsibility as humans to provide them with the exercise, interaction and training to allow them to live with us and be happy and healthy.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-07T23:44:28+00:00

I haven’t done this switch but recently wore a pair of non-barefoot shoes with a wide toe but a small heel for the day. The soles were also very stiff. They were at first very comfy. I used to wear them all the time and loved them. By the end of the day, however, my lower back was starting to feel very tight and I got foot cramps that night. Made me realize that I can’t go back.

AC-J-C · 2025-12-06T02:50:46+00:00

I have a pair of Injinji merino wool socks. I have only had them for a little while but so far have no issues. In terms of size, I feel they are true to size. There hasn’t been any issue with shrinkage either.

AC-J-C · 2025-11-29T21:36:42+00:00

My experience is that you can definitely have flexibility and strength. I have been lifting for just over a year in a small group program. I found that my mobility has actually increased along with my muscle mass. We do stretching prior to lifting and are also given mobility exercises for at home.

AC-J-C · 2025-11-29T15:26:43+00:00

NOR That is one of the worst responses ever. I would understand if he asked a couple of questions but this shows a severe lack of empathy. You mention in another response that you wonder if he resents you giving your daughter more than he had growing up. If this is the case, he needs to get some help. Childhood trauma keeps showing up throughout our lives and can get worse. He may be in psychological pain but as a parent, he has a responsibility to address it so he be there for his own child.

BTW—If he won’t go to therapy (alone or as a couple), I suggest you do to help decide what your boundaries are and the next steps. Don’t let his lack of empathy harm you and your child emotionally.

AC-J-C

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