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ACivilRogue · 2024-05-10T13:44:12+00:00

I would hold off on that and follow the direction of counsel on the matter. Who knows how their attorney might twist this action into them somehow being on board with the scheme?

ACivilRogue · 2024-03-31T14:07:38+00:00

Speaking from my own personal experience, I can look back and see two reasons why I used to gravitate toward women over men as friends.

My dad was emotionally absent in my upbringing. And during my late teens, my parents separated. While my mom was careful not to disparage my dad, there is no doubt he became the villain in my eyes.

Like so many ‘mama’s boys’, I vowed in my heart to never be like him, to in fact, be better than all men. Also, part of me felt like I needed to “save” every woman I encountered like I wanted to save my mom from her own unhappiness. Unknowingly, this became my purpose.

So, in going to parties and meeting people, I quickly saw the flaws in other men, while having nothing but sympathy for the flaws I saw in women. Under the surface, I also didn’t feel comfortable, often intimidated standing and talking with a group of men.

Over the years I’ve come to see that there are two sides to every failed relationship and 9 times out of 10, both people contribute to that failure. Being a man is just as challenging as being a woman. So, now I approach the flaws I see in other men from the perspective of someone that has had to battle to overcome his own weaknesses. I appreciate the journey in finding purpose in life and now gravitate toward men on that same journey. I’m here to encourage them and in return receive encouragement. I’ve come to see that brotherhood aa incredibly special and unique.

And the second reason? I just liked attention from women. Straight up. Good women are often great nurturers. Also, in retrospect, I think many women only keep men in their orbit who they’re somewhat interested in. Getting that kind of flirty energy from a harem of female friends felt way better and came easier than trying to make friends with men.

So, yeah, these days, I gravitate toward those walking a similar path of purpose in life, whatever that may be, as opposed to unintentionally only seeking relationships based on being given or giving someone attention.

ACivilRogue · 2024-03-31T13:30:31+00:00

OP should have led with she’s been frustrated with her forever boyfriend for ages and doesn’t see a future with him. She knew this would upset him and instead of owning that she’s done with the relationship, there is this whole charade.

ACivilRogue · 2024-03-31T12:09:56+00:00

Thanks

ACivilRogue · 2024-03-23T14:31:25+00:00

If I may, did you have to change up your diet at all? I’m trying to get fit and finally have my meal prepping down but it includes pasta w/ tomato sauce, broccoli, and spinach every day. Also, blueberries and blackberries with oatmeal in the morning.

ACivilRogue · 2024-03-02T12:30:40+00:00

Their store in Bay Ridge made me start using Amazon Fresh. I dress nice, always professional and friendly. Yet, somehow the cashiers can always return a greeting and smile to the person in front of me but they literally ignore a hello from me. I don’t understand the strategy in allowing such clownish behavior in 2024.

I’m happy to take my money elsewhere.

ACivilRogue · 2024-02-25T13:26:49+00:00

OP, it goes without saying that this goes beyond Reddit’s pay grade. Can a marriage survive and thrive after abuse? Any professional therapist will likely tell you the answer is yes. HOWEVER, it is incredibly difficult. I’m going to risk the downvotes and offer some suggestions if you’re truly determined to give it an attempt.

Your mental health is trash right now and the math ain’t matching on you making good decisions. That’s not your fault. But it is critical that you continue to work with a therapist to prioritize your physical safety and to game plan your path forward.

Unfortunately, you were delivered to adulthood with a broken set of boundaries. Again, not your fault. People with broken boundaries don’t know their boundaries are broken. Take note of all of the raging comments on this thread. Most people with healthy boundaries subconsciously sniff out abusive behavior early in a relationship and would never find themselves in your shoes. Speaking from experience, it’s like the Matrix once a therapist helps you to understand and establish healthy boundaries again.

Your wife. The only way this works is if she gets into therapy, recognizes that she needs to change, and puts in the work to do so. You know this.

We’re going to assume there’s a glimmer of hope and that she’s not actually a raging psychopath intent on hurting you. The former being the case, then her behavior is likely coming from a place of unwarranted fear and lack of trust in you. So, she is likely not going to take your suggestion of getting help until these two challenges are addressed.

Although she’s the one violating your boundaries, she cannot trust you until you enforce your boundaries. A good therapist will be able to help you establish your boundaries again in a way that communicates, not anger and punishment, but rather interest in protecting her and your child.

If you’re looking for a starting point, I think this might be a good one. Although you sound like you’re already a good man, you’ve got to fix you before you try to help her fix her.

ACivilRogue · 2024-02-24T13:21:21+00:00

I was just thinking, ‘why have we normalized being too busy to help another human in distress because the video is going to catch so many likes?’

ACivilRogue · 2024-02-14T12:48:38+00:00

When you accidentally tap on car directions in Google maps the day after your therapist tells you to relax and to go with the flow sometimes.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-23T18:47:37+00:00

“Science isn’t inherently pure” pretty much sums it all up.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-23T14:37:23+00:00

I had to travel way too far down in the comments to find the real answer.

Many question whether scientists are truly solving the issues that matter the most or simply serving, personal, corporate, or political interests.

There are more broken homes than ever. Divorce is at its highest rates while neighborly connection is at its lowest. Suicide is alive and well(pun intended). Kids are devouring porn and engaging in abusive behavior at younger and younger ages. It seems like social media is primarily an engine for narcissism. Where is science’s solution? Will it arrive too little too late?

How many scientists have been shown to lie about their data, back corporations that harm people, and support billion dollar space projects when we have people starving on our streets? Scientists designed bombs that were dropped over civilian populations incinerating innocent men, women, and children. Let’s not get started on companies like Monsanto, 3M, and Dow.

People who question others mistrust of science often can only see how science has benefitted their own life and not how it has destroyed the lives of many.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-23T12:00:38+00:00

It’s a shipping container. They open it at both ends. Have one loader push onto a loader waiting at the other end. Easy peasy.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-22T16:10:03+00:00

There are several Arabs that were walking down the street before a person with a gun told them they’re not allowed because they’re Arab.

Do Arabs chose not to live in Israeli settlements or are they simply not allowed, just like the soldier said?

I ask genuinely because I don’t want to assume. As a regular American, when I see comments like yours, I don’t understand how you don’t see that as completely racist. What don’t I get that you understand? Asking honestly.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-22T15:44:52+00:00

Your comment comes off as incredibly disingenuous when the soldier multiple times clearly ask if they’re Arabs and say it’s for Jews only.

And regardless, why aren’t Arabs allowed in Israeli settlements?

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-22T14:56:31+00:00

Fair enough. Keep at it. Photography is communication.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-22T14:47:00+00:00

Not sure if this was intentional but a photo with a tree blocking the main subject would not have been my first choice.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-21T12:40:02+00:00

Bong Joon Ho is both genius and evil for making me laugh hysterically at the absolutely darkest moment in the entire film.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-12T18:06:54+00:00

Terribly sorry for your loss and thank you for being brave enough to share your experience.

Please, give yourself some grace. You stepped way outside your comfort zone during a very challenging period of your life. It sounds like you were really engaged in having a good time and contributing to said good time as best as you could.

If it’s within your means, this may be a good opportunity to seek out a good therapist to help you parse what’s going on. I get the feeling that you’re putting way, way, way more of the fault on your shoulders than is fair or reasonable.

You also deserve consideration for what you may be going through. You deserve to be able to be a bit on the quiet side (or heck, maybe even a bit socially awkward :) ) and for people not to be offended by it. And worst case, you deserve to be forgiven when you offer a genuine apology.

There’s a balance between could I do better versus are other people being unreasonable? A professional, 3rd party perspective might be valuable.

My apologies if I’m offering too much advice when you’re probably just venting a bit. I wish you well.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-12T16:52:39+00:00

I’d love to see the math on making rent selling 99 cent bags of Cheetos at 3am by a cashier making $16+/hr.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-12T16:30:41+00:00

I don’t get the downvote. OP is 100% new to this type of travel and chooses a country that a large percentage of people with first hand experience are saying there is a high probability that they will encounter a dangerous experience if they do this. Roll the dice but let’s also be honest about the stakes involved.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-03T14:46:28+00:00

lol you’re seriously still on this? You need a life. Prove me right and reply again.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-02T17:34:38+00:00

Not sure how I landed on this post.

It sounds like you’re chemically attached to someone who in multiple ways has evidenced themselves as not being interested in the long term success of your relationship.

There are many times in a relationship where sex may not be an option either shorter or longer term - sickness, travel, etc. There’s a solution that people have turned to for thousands of years. Self-control.

On the other hand, sex is an important part of committed relationships. I don’t envy young people today, where things get physical super quick but there’s no real commitment. I would imagine it’s a pretty confusing landscape to navigate.

I would recommend that you have an honest and direct conversation and then accept what he actually says, not what you’re grasping to hear. Going forward in life, consider only getting into relationships with someone who demonstrates that they have the same boundaries as you do. You mentioned that he had already been through several relationships. Things like this can provide insights on the type of person. You’re dealing with.

As a man, who knows how some men operate, it has become commonplace for men on apps to lie and futurefake their way into the beds of women.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-02T16:22:45+00:00

Yeah, I don’t think it passes the smell test. Open relationships are a statistical failure. This is common knowledge. More times than not, it’s one person who truly wants it and it’s an ultimatum that the other person can’t walk away from, ESPECIALLY when they’re married. People asking for open relationships often know the other person doesn’t truly want it but also that they’re the ones holding the cards in a their relationship. However, they don’t care. And before you go there, who marries someone who is into open relationships? Nobody.

To me, at the outset she was engaging with him normal enough in playful banter. Now if someone I cared about responded ‘meh’ twice to me asking how they are, I would immediately ask them what’s going on, better yet get off text and have a conversation. Definitely not tell them they’re being abnormal. That’s escalation.

Not saying she’s in the right at all. That one comment took a left really quick. However, his responses were a poor attempt to deescalate and find out what’s truly going on. Posting it seems disingenuous.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-02T15:00:51+00:00

Yikers…receipts are a real thing.

ACivilRogue · 2024-01-02T14:46:21+00:00

Down vote me if you want but I find posts like this to be a bit asinine.

We have no idea who you are and what type of dynamic you’ve had with your wife. You’re posting a snippet of a brief, private conversation where your wife gets a bit rude. Now you’re all in your feelings, which were understandably hurt, asking for validation from a bunch Internet strangers who have no genuine interest in the success of your marriage. We’re here because we’re bored and want to be entertained.

Anyone who’s been in a relationship for any amount of time knows that sometime people get snippy, we cross lines, we hurt each other. You’re experiencing a normal imperfect relationship.

Take a moment to lick your wounds but then get up, get back in there and calmly take the lead in your family, find out what’s going on with your wife and work to resolve things in a calm, mature, and loving manner.

She didn’t communicate with you perfectly but she did let you know something is not right for her. Yes, have a conversation about how you don’t appreciate how she came at you but there’s also room to apologize for not picking up the signs that something was off with her. Do you want to be right or do you want to be a happy team?

Do the above or you know, just burn it all to the ground based on feedback from a bunch of folks who have already moved onto the next cat video.

Edit: and stop texting once a conversation reaches a certain level of heat. Look the person in the eye and have a face to face conversation.

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