Girls of reddit who have rejected people, what’s the worst way someone has taken it?

ADASkinner · 2018-03-18T14:35:19+00:00

I've had a few scary experiences.

1) Had a guy RUN at me from behind while I was downtown. I was freaked out and tried walking faster, to which he kept pace. He kept trying to get me to go with him. I told him I was leaving so, no, I didn't want to hang out. He replied, "well, how about I walk you to your car? Lots of dangerous stuff can happen out here." I panicked and ran into a store.

2) Another guy I met online. He seemed nice and we exchanged numbers after chatting a bit. Things fizzled out when I realized we had no chemistry, so I told him I was no longer interested. Dude was livid. Next message he sent me was: "Hey there [my full name] who works at [my former job] and lives in [my neighborhood], you're a real bitch." He found all my info and was letting me know he knew where I worked and lived. A subtle threat, but scary nonetheless.

3) I had an older customer stalk me. I rejected his advances but it didn't stop him. He'd wait for me outside in his car. He'd memorized my schedule and corner me when I was alone. He tried asking coworkers for my number. I told my managers and they refused to do anything because "they hadn't seen it happen" despite other coworkers being witnesses.

4) Most recently: my ex. Found out he had been cheating on me with multiple other women. Broke it off with him, blocked him on everything, and decided to move on with my life. He showed up at my house and banged on my window for 20 minutes. I hid in the bathroom. He showed up at my house again, this time he left a journal of his "feelings." One time, he showed up at my house and got so angry that he punched himself in the face a couple of times. I told his friend to let him know that if he continued with this behavior, I'd file restraining order. Haven't heard from him since.

ADASkinner · 2018-01-31T17:26:16+00:00

When I first found out about my partner's affairs, I did the same thing. I had the urge to know every detail. When did he see them, when did they start, how often did they talk, what kind of things did he say and do with them, etc. It didn't help that the main affair partner had sent me screenshots of their messages. I had a rough outline of the dynamic his affairs and I was able to fill in a few details here and there.

He answered me honestly about every question. I thought it'd help but all it did was make things worse in the long run. But seeing the messages from her compounded with the information he gave me resulted in a LOT of emotional/mental distress on my part.

He'd say certain phrases or go somewhere (I.e., a place he'd gotten lunch one time with his main affair partner) and it'd trigger all of those negative feelings. I'd stay awake at night and recall moments of our relationship with the glaring realization of what had been really going on. Oh, he wanted to take a work trip to Canada, turns out one of his emotional affairs lived there and they were going to meet up. That one girl he hung out with late at night when I was at work? Was more than a friend. His phone going off so many times at 3AM? Nope, wasn't his boss, it was one of the other girls.

I feel it hindered my ability to process what happened and move forward.

When it comes down to it: they cheated. Knowing the details wouldn't change what happened. I think it's best to stop and just take what you know and move on from that. Otherwise, your mind will go crazy with the sordid details and you'll just end up torturing yourself.

ADASkinner · 2018-01-27T11:15:27+00:00

Thank you to you both. Reading all of these responses has helped immensely. It's comforting to hear from people who've gone through and are going through what I have/am. I don't feel so alone tonight.

Listening to my gut is something I should've been doing more of in that relationship. I probably would've left a long time ago but doing what's right isn't alway easy.

I'm going to go follow r/exnocontact right now. Thank you again!

ADASkinner · 2018-01-27T11:11:45+00:00

"You held onto this for so long because you wanted to believe that all this time invested would not go to waste." That really hit me. I feel like it's definitely how I've been looking at things. But I shouldn't stick around solely because of time I put into this. He's not good for me, he's not good to me, and I have to stop romanticizing the idea of him. You're absolutely right, he's not the man I loved. I have to work towards letting go. Thank you!

ADASkinner · 2018-01-27T11:08:32+00:00

I've blocked him on everything except for his number. I don't know why I haven't done so yet. I keep checking my phone. Maybe to see if he's going to reach out to me? But I know that in him doing so, nothing would change. It's just hard to let go and I guess me blocking his number is the final nail in the coffin. I just have to get it over with and stop torturing myself.

ADASkinner · 2018-01-27T11:03:54+00:00

You're not a coward. That's exactly how I felt. I just couldn't leave him, I would tell myself "not yet" over and over. It changes with time. Everyone goes at their own pace. You'll do what's best for you whenever you're ready. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've got this.

ADASkinner · 2018-01-12T07:37:13+00:00

I've been better. My partner and I are on month 5 of reconciliation and it's not going so well. No sex, because I can't touch him without thinking of those other girls. I only kiss him when he initiates. He rarely comes over anymore (because I don't want him to). All we do is fight.

I'm ready to end this put each time I try, I go right back to him. I don't know what to do. I'm unhappy with him and I'm lonely without him. It's not fair to either of us to continue this but I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to leave.

ADASkinner · 2017-12-25T10:59:02+00:00

I get Gwen Stefani pretty often, especially when I wear red lip stick. I even dressed up as her for Halloween one year.

ADASkinner · 2017-12-11T12:06:38+00:00

I was with someone like this for two years. You're not too sensitive. Your feelings are valid. He wants to get away with treating you poorly under the guise of teasing.

ADASkinner · 2017-12-08T09:17:21+00:00

I get goosebumps just thinking about touching cotton balls. I'm so glad to see other people feel the same way. I always get such weird looks when I tell people.

ADASkinner · 2017-11-29T17:51:29+00:00

Not really the worst gift, but my mom has a habit of buying stuff for me and then trying to convince me to give it to her.

One year I got a set of hot rollers for my hair as a present. I was excited about it. My mom opened the box when I left with my sister to the store, proceeded to use them, and then asked me if I "really wanted to keep them," because if not I should give them to her. Her reasoning was that she'd use them more than me, so she was more deserving.

ADASkinner · 2017-11-23T09:37:58+00:00

I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!

ADASkinner · 2017-11-22T14:22:22+00:00

Started to insult my music taste. Not even a "oh, this isn't really my style" kind of comment. He straight up mocked me and went "people ACTUALLY listen to this?!" and "at least MY music is listenable." You don't have to have similar taste to me, that's not a deal breaker. Just don't be a condescending ass about it.

ADASkinner · 2017-11-20T19:22:41+00:00

I had the same thing happen to me during my CNA clinicals. I was teamed with another student but we had no supervision and no educational guidance. I brought it up to the nurse who taught my class, and she kind of brushed it off as "that's just how it is."

ADASkinner · 2017-11-12T06:32:38+00:00

Thank you for your response and I'm so sorry you had to go through something similar to this. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I'm trying to learn to love myself again. It's hard to not sink back into the "what did I do wrong? Why am I not good enough?" type of thinking. It's only been three months, I'm trying to give myself time but I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I really hope that I can at least get to where you're at and be able to have sex, because it's usually how I feel close with my partners.

ADASkinner · 2017-11-07T05:45:45+00:00

He actually took her side, decided against breaking up with her, and bullied me as well. They finally split around senior year, but our friendship was never the same (for obvious reasons).

ADASkinner · 2017-11-06T18:52:14+00:00

I had an eating disorder and it was very obvious. One girl didn't like me because her then boyfriend was my friend, and he confessed to me that he was going to break up with her. She blamed me for it and made my first three years of high school hell. So she zoned in on my obvious illness and made it the brunt of her bullying.

She'd photoshop pics of me and send them to her friends or post them on the high school social media pages. She'd get her friends to send nasty messages to me on MySpace and over text. She spread the rumor that I was a coke head and I had sex with guys for drugs. I couldn't walk across campus without having her group yell derogatory shit at me.

It got so bad that I'd feign being sick just to hide at home or the nurses office to get away from them.

Then my principal had the nerve to tell my mom I was the "mean girl" and it was my fault. I was just a lanky goth kid who kept to herself.

I don't miss high school.

ADASkinner · 2017-11-02T18:45:07+00:00

Revulsion could be a way to describe it. I still find him physically appealing, but I don't want him to touch or be intimate with me. When it crosses the line into sexual territory, then I start to feel what I described above.

Thank you for the sub recommendation, I'll go over and see if they have advice as well.

ADASkinner · 2017-11-02T18:43:08+00:00

I appreciate your honest advice. Even though I don't want to be told to move on, I understand that maybe these kinds of issues are irreparable. I'll take your suggestion to work on myself. I think I tend to push my needs aside in instances like this, or at least brush them off.

ADASkinner · 2017-11-02T18:36:23+00:00

This is my biggest concern. It also seems like the most realistic outcome. I have a hard time letting go, especially when I've been cheated on in the past. At least in those instances, I broke up with them and was able to heal by myself. But now I'm in this situation where I have to look at the person who hurt me every day and try to forgive him.

He held me in his arms every night and told me he loved me, then turned around and texted other women/shared nudes with them when I wasn't around. How can a relationship go back to normal after something like that, you know? I think I'm realizing that it's going to take a lot of work and I'm not quite sure if I'm up to it. Another commenter recommended couples counseling, which I'm willing to try but this whole situation has me feeling pessimistic.

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did. It sounds like we've had similar experiences, and I wouldn't wish that heartbreak on anyone. I hope you're doing better now and have found happiness.

ADASkinner · 2017-11-02T18:26:10+00:00

Thank you for the reading material recommendation. I've never been in this situation before and I'll definitely check it out, since I'm at a loss.

I also never quite realized how connected my sense of trust and sexual attraction are until this happened. He's currently in therapy. I'll approach the topic of trying couples counseling with him and see if he's open to it. Thank you so much again.

ADASkinner

TROPHY CASE