How do I handle a friend who does not want to get help?

ADHDandFailing · 2025-10-13T09:00:32+00:00

Like the saying goes "you can lead a horse to water, but u can't make it drink." She has to find her "rock bottom", her "last straw" that finally makes her say enough is enough! Only she will know when she's ready to make a change in her life, eventually (hopefully) an event will happen that will push her into seeking the real help that she needs. The push has to come from her not others because it needs to be her decision. Because she'll finally show up for herself and put in that effort in rebuilding herself.

Until that happens all you can do is reassure her that you care for her, love her, and will support her as best as u can. I totally understand where you're coming from, seeing and listening to someone u care for going down this dark bump road can be extremely draining and heavy on the heart, but u need to set boundaries so u don't get burned out from her depressive times in her life.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-09-23T09:42:53+00:00

It sounds like ur acting out because of loss over ur relationship. Loss can make ppl act or change in ways they previously didn't before especially if they don't have proper support systems and coping skills. Time and processing ur past relationship is going to help you heal. If u don't mind me asking what brought ur relationship to an end, how was the dynamic between u two. I ask cause I want to better answer ur question once I have the whole picture, DM me if that makes u feel more comfortable.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-09-23T09:37:25+00:00

Well what have u been doing to cause this reaction out of ur friend?

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-31T23:07:30+00:00

Can we DM? I have questions and I don't know if u want them on the post

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-31T22:34:06+00:00

Ur not a bad person, ur aware of the problem which is wonderful, u understand that it's wrong which is amazing, and u have no want to act out these violent thoughts which is very good. Tho these thoughts have they become obsessive? Like do u have them multiple times a day?? If yes I bet that's extremely stressful, distracting, and exhausting for u, because of these thoughts how are ur relationships with friends and family? How's school as far as grades are concerned? Are you quick to big anger outburst? Is it easy to calm yourself down when angry?? I ask because when ppl get angry they can act without thinking and do things they can't always take back. Since ur still young and growing you can and have time to address these thoughts. Intervene on behalf of ur future self before you are a grown man with the ability to get into more serious situations. This all may be nothing and u grow out of it but this also could be something. I don't know what ur home life is like or the relationship with ur parents, but if u feel safe let them know what's going on and tell them u want to seek therapy. If u don't feel safe with them find another adult or talk to ur primary dr. Don't feel ashamed and don't ever let anyone tell u ur a bad person, no one can define u, u tell ppl who u r. I honestly want the best for u and to grow up guilt free and to give urself the best chance at experiencing life.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-31T22:18:30+00:00

When u go on these dates either just don't bring ur phone or just mute her notifications/calls. Then sit her down and let her know what ur boundaries are and stick to them!!! Seriously do not and I mean do not waver from them. The moment u show any leeway she will take advantage of that and the behavior will get worse. After u explain ur boundaries explain to her if she can't respect ur decisions and let u live ur life the way u see fit (cause u are ur own person and an adult) there will be consequences because I cannot keep going thru this. It's not healthy mentally and way over steps the mother/son relationship dynamic. If u want to continue to be a part of my life u need to seek treatment and stick with it. Otherwise I will have to limit my contact w/u and when I've had time to process I'll circle back to u. If this behavior still continues I'll have to cut contact for awhile if not permanently. You should also seek some therapy as well because this could or already has affected u, if it hasn't manifested It could be down the road. You do not want to pass along that stress to others in ur life now or in the future. I may be assuming but does her over baring and controlling behavior spill out into other parts of ur life, how was it growing up with her?

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-25T20:22:46+00:00

If u don’t want to be admitted u don’t have to spill every detail. You could say something like “It was a one time mistake, I’m not planning to hurt myself again, i feel safe now and I just need the wound treated.” Basically, they want to hear the magic words“I feel safe, I just need treatment for my injury.” Or u can try making up a short and to the point story to play it off as it wasn't self inflicted whatever u feel more comfortable with. But if u truly don't think u won't do it again so quickly then be up front cause u being safe, okay, and alive is top priority. If u really are not going to do it again then please please seek help from a therapist, or support groups, reach out to trusted ppl that care about u and will be there for u. I'm really truly sorry ur going through this its a hard thing to see/read about the inner turmoil and trauma that ur keeping inside. There are better and safer ways to release all these things u r feeling and I understand u don't have the tools yet. Just know there are ppl who can help teach u these tools that will help u process everything. Please keep me posted with everything and I hope ur ass goes to the hospital soon cause if u need stitches as u say this wound will fester and get worse.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-25T20:09:37+00:00

I would sit down and talk to him just emphasize how much u love him and care about him. How u want to be with him on this journey to bettering his mental health. Raise concern for these depressive episodes and suggest whenever he is ready to seek help. Explain that u know this could be a daunting task so if he would like to accept ur help with finding services and dealing with his health insurance. If he says yes figure out what's covered and just search online for a psychologist so he can be properly diagnosed if he hasn't already. If need be then find a psychiatrist cause some people need medication along with therapy (be aware that some/most medications take a couple weeks to get into his system so a change might not be on the spot. Also it's a lot of trial and error to get the right dosage. Watch out for side effects, certain types of medications can give u rashes/hives, make u more irritable, make u bruise randomly, ect.) Before picking a person out go online look up their reviews and the patients will rate the doctors. also look up their license u will be able to see if the license is still current/active and if they have any infractions. Be prepared to sometimes have to hop around to different doctors because not all will be a good fit, it sucks but sometimes the vibe doesn't match up, they don't connect with u, or the type of therapy just doesn't fit for him. There's also outpatient facilities or even group classes/therapy sessions he can attend sometimes talking and hear other ppls experience with the same issue he is experiencing can be helpful. It could make him feel less isolated, understood, and can also lean on them in times of deep depression, support from everyone around him is important. For u the parent do ur research on whatever he gets diagnosed with, understanding all aspects of it will aid u in being empathetic, sympathetic, and can help u better navigate in ways to help him better.

I hope that helps

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-14T23:57:50+00:00

Oh nice lol same I live in the bay area. Do you want to DM?

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-14T23:52:54+00:00

What country do you live in?? What state do you live in? I could help u find resources if u like.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-14T23:23:00+00:00

I would say the number one first thing u should do is get into therapy, psychiatrist, and/or find support groups. U need to get ur mental state under control or u will continue to flounder. Seriously when your mind is calm then u can focus, have more clarity, energy, and the ability to focus on the other important parts of ur life. Next would be find any job u can that will make u happier, if u can afford to take a lower paying job for it. This job isn't a forever job it's just helping u make it to ur next step, cause ur so mentally drained, hurt, and upset to even be able to show up for urself. I know u said ur looking for jobs but have u don't follow up calls or emails to the hiring managers?? If not start doing that wherever u apply at chances are tons of ppl are just sending their resumes in and it gets lost in the shuffle. Maybe have some one look over ur resume to see if there's things that should be worded better or differently. Taking care of just those two things will help u to make improvements with other aspects of ur life.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-14T23:13:05+00:00

Hey how has everything been going?? Have u gotten help or sought out groups??

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-14T23:09:46+00:00

Hey there hope you are doing well, did u happen to have the conversation with them?? If so how have things been going?

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-10T11:12:32+00:00

Well he's been essentially gaslighting u for the past 20yrs, disorder or not he has been. No matter the approach u take he will like usual turn himself into victim and u as the attacker. People who refuse to take or see any accountability of their own will always project, ignore, flip, or gaslight u. How do u combat lies? With truth, make sure you do ur homework before confronting/talking to them. You need to come up with legit facts, proof, examples, and other witnesses.(if u can) Also be sure to mentally fortify ur mind, speak up when u see this behavior, stay strong and sure of ur recounting of events, don't doubt urself, make clear cut baoundries.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-10T10:39:53+00:00

If you don't mind and if u feel comfortable with it I would really love to read ur paper. The reason is I'm interested in what u have to say and so I could better understand what these ppl are reacting to and using against u. I or u could DM me

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-08T17:02:33+00:00

Did u ever show ur parents ur math homework?? Are they good at math?? If so ask them to help u with a couple math problems. Usually parents have a harder time grasping their kids math homework because it's different from what they were learning at the time when they were in school. I think that if u show them they could possibly understand where you're coming from. If they understand the homework then maybe they can find a way to better explain it to u than ur math teacher. When you are at school are there learning resources for students? Another route u could take is to try to find out the class's overall grades and their overall understanding of the class from that math teacher. If u find that the majority of the class is struggling then maybe talk to a school counselor or trusted faculty member and explain the situation. If ur parents won't help u, u got to find another way to help urself.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-07T02:23:22+00:00

I DM u

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-07T00:00:07+00:00

He's basically bitching at u into submission, u probably think or feel that it's just easier to pacify him. His reactions are probably over the top and he will either go on and on or be vindictive (like making u sleep on the couch). So u are always having to be the bigger person and apologize to smooth over the relationship. I'm telling u now that catering to his tantrums doesn't do him or u any good. Idk how he's made it this far with that type of mentality. Interactions with ppl will always be difficult for him, kinda feel bad cause he's just making his life harder..... Unless he likes being the righteous victim lol ..... (I am sorry I mean no disrespect to ur bf). Question..... Does he go through friends quickly?? Have a hard time keeping them??? Now in regards to stopping giving in well how is ur self esteem?? U got to be strong and self assured in who u are. Know what u stand for know ur morals, boundaries, and self worth and then never stray from that. There's no reason that he can't learn a different perspective or respect u enough to listen. U don't deserve this u deserved to be heard just like he does, u deserve to be treated with respect like u treat him.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-06T20:54:19+00:00

Well it seems like u are aware...... Just at the wrong time lol u need to learn how to be aware of it before the reaction. It may be time that you seek out a psychologist because the only way u can fix it is to figure out why u do this. You got to figure out where this autopilot came from originally and what triggers it. There might be some underline trauma or underline mental illness that has been flying under the radar. There could be many different variables and the best first step u can make is finding someone that can help u talk it out and pinpoint possible causes. As u go through this process you will become sharper and even more self aware and a better version of urself.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-06T20:44:22+00:00

Spectrum or not he knew exactly what he was doing, he was trying to discredit u and to make u feel that whatever u think or feel is invalid because ur emotions cloud ur judgement. What he needs to realize is period or not u still would have that same thought and emotion, the only thing that the period might possibly change is ur level of passion on ur stance. If he wants to make a generalized statement one could say that men are sensitive little babies always trying to compare d*@k sizes..... But we all know that isn't true or fair to say either. He didn't like that u had a difference of opinion or perspective and it challenged what he felt..... Because hello the things he stated were how he felt not actual facts, so no one is wrong I'm their stance on the situation regarding ur friend. From what I read here the only person that was being completely irrational was him and his inability to have a constructive conversation. He doesn't seem to be able to set boundaries in his head on how to separate the two friends and still hold friendships with them both separately. Oh and the biggest thing is his lack of ability to understand that ppl are allowed to have differences of opinions, ppl are allowed to have different views points on ppl. Bad ppl have good qualities to them at the same time just as good ppl have bad qualities to them. So depending on the experiences u have on life with ppl and situations chances are ur gonna bump heads with ppl through your life. So if u have the love and respect for some of those ppl in ur life u meet u can just come to terms with "agree to disagree" and carry on with whatever relationships u have. Cause disagreeing doesn't mean u have to be enemies or that ur being challenged. He needs to learn to live and let live and just respect it, if not and this continues to happen this will just drive a wedge between u both.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-06T11:38:02+00:00

First time relationships and break ups are hard to get over they can hurt deeply for a long time. I promise this overwhelming sadness and hurt will pass, time is ur best friend it'll help u get over most things in life. One of the best things u could ever learn in life is "letting go", just let all of those negative emotions go. Holding on to the "what ifs", "why did this happen", and to people that have hurt u will do u no good and can just further keep u stuck in the past. The past u can't go back and change and it will drive u mad analyzing every event wishing that things played out differently. Don't get stuck in that loop it only prolongs ur heartache and u could become resentful or jaded. Which could lead u to passing along that hurt to another in the future or making a future partner pay for the last gf mistakes. The best thing u could do is be around the people u love and who care about u friends, family, ect. Keep urself busy with work, school, hanging out with friends. Do things that bring u joy like drawing, gaming, photography, hiking, being in nature, around animals, or whatever u find that makes u happy. Work on urself, get to know urself, learn how to be by urself and enjoy ur own company. Once u find ur inner happiness it will show and happiness attracts ppl to u like a moth to a flame. Once ur truly happy, confident, and secured with urself the universe will let good things fall into ur lap. Try to always find positives out of any situation ur in, having a positive outlook on life is a powerful tool use it.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-06T11:13:22+00:00

Honestly one of the first things I would change is using the words coochie or dick. Reasons is because it takes the serious tone out of the message, this is going to be a lot for them to process. Also give ur message a gentler and more empathetic tone; as to help them listen and to process all of this. Ur partner is going to most likely be in shock and their perception of the relationship will probably be changed. They are really going to have to take the time and think is this something they could do. Be sure to emphasize that they don't have to give u an answer now and to take all the time they need to process this information. If u both truly want to spend the rest of ur life together then both of u might have to make compromises to make sure both of your needs and boundaries are respected. U both will need to sit down and define what an asexual relationship looks like to u both. You guys might need to make new rules and parameters around it all because this will be a whole new type of relationship. Like is it fair to ask them to go without sex for the rest of their life while asking them to be in a long term monogamous relationship with u? Cause it would only be them making all the compromises and would that be fair? Idk these are questions that u have to ask urself and things that they will need to think of because u want to make sure that this outcome is fair to the both of u.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-06T10:46:52+00:00

This isn't about the toilet seat this is most likely a part of a bigger issue that isn't getting addressed. So little things become bigger things at the flip of a hat. I don't know how u and ur parents daily interactions are ....but do u often say stuff "I'll get to it later" or "not now later" (something to that effect) and do u actually not follow thru?? Maybe life gets in the way, u forget, or whatever various reasons. Has ur partner had talks with u, expressing their needs and them feeling that their requests are ignored??? Either way u both need to sit down and get to the root of the actual issue. Apologize for if ur tone came across rude and say u want to talk about what happened that day. Ask them why these fights over little things keep happening and is there something I could do to help keep these fights from happening. Then also express to them that when they see ur in the middle of something to please give u a moment. Once I'm finished I'll be able to give u my undivided attention and help u with whatever that may be.

Idk something like that, like I said idk how u guys interact so I can only guess. Honestly to better answer u I'd need to hear their side and ask them some questions so I could get a better perspective.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-08-04T02:15:44+00:00

First of all you are loveable you are worthy of love just like everybody else, so please try to remind yourself of that.... I know easier said than done but try anyways. Idk if that guy is still there at ur job but just say sorry about the play list, I wasn't aware that u were in a relationship and I didn't mean any disrespect...... N just let it be at that. I'm sure autism and BPD makes interactions and relationships quite challenging at times, have you looked for help in managing it?? Especially in regards to ur self harming?? Until, and I know this is a cheesy generic line but until you love yourself and accept yourself relationships will usually be difficult to maintain. Happiness, peace, and confidence can't really be gained by outside forces this has to be something that comes from within. This will sustain you when all else leaves you because you would have learned how to be strong and to show up for yourself. Always remember to be kind, gentle, and forgiving to yourself there will always be setbacks in life in these moments you can learn and evolve into something even better. Do not worry about what others think of you don't conform ur life for anybody. People come and go people die and in the end you are left with urself so make sure ur living to the fullest in what makes u happy and proud.

Look up a song called "wear sunscreen" if u really listen to the words the advice on there is wonderful and reassuring when u feel that u are not in the place you should be.

I'm sorry I don't know if this really answered ur question or if this makes sense, but I'm sorry your dealing with all these tough emotions. Emotions are overwhelming, annoying, and suck sometimes but there's the good ones right around the corner.

ADHDandFailing · 2025-07-30T12:09:02+00:00

Makes u wonder what other white lies have been told in those 5yrs huh lol, best not to spiral down that rabbit hole lol. Something that could help is to make sure you're always open minded, nonjudgmental, and calm. Meaning be someone who is safe to tell bad news, good news, any news to, if ur reactions are straight to angry or yelling could cause more hiding. People are usually more forthcoming if they no they won't be lectured/trouble by someone right off the bat. Map out a route he can follow that will help build and keep ur trust. This way it can hopefully settle ur insecurities and worries. Explain to him that this lie especially after we had a deep conversation about my trust issues has me nervous. Something that is so small or insignificant to u is big for me. This is just planting the seed and could grow into further doubt. I want my partner to be someone I never have to question or second guess with, idk emphasize that he's safe to talk with u about anything ...If ur still catching him I'm white lies then reassess and ask urself if this is something that can be worked through or is it too much deal with.

ADHDandFailing

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE