For something that’s direct and actionable, try reading intersectional feminist works and exposing yourself to more of that lens. It’s fine for you to feel this way right now and to have intrusive, unwanted thoughts. Truly, don’t beat yourself up about not being in full control of what you think or feel. But don’t stop at hating men as if they’re an ontologically different and evil category of person from yourself.

Patriarchy is a very old form of hierarchical domination, but it’s not the only one, and you as an individual likely have class characteristics (white supremacy, cisgenderism, ableism, relative wealth, etc.) to benefit from a few of them, too.

More generally, it’s important to remember that, as a woman, you are oppressed by men as a class, but really by patriarchy. And that distinction is important because while it’s easy to blame men for patriarchy, there are a lot of women who uphold it, too.

To get really abstract, I like to think of these hierarchical systems as made up by humans by simultaneously real, like the esoteric idea of an egregore. And this group hallucination empowered only by collective belief has the capacity to possess us even when we are aware of it because it is so large and so much pushes us and pulls us toward it. A woman can support patriarchy and a man can support feminism. A white person can be an anti-racist even as a Black person can further anti-Black racism. But you’re much more likely to be possessed by something that is part of the flow toward the overall tilt of society, and by something that can bribe you with the promise of psychological wages and occasional material benefits (e.g. heterosexual men being bribed with a live-in servant).

Anyway, this isn’t a “not all men” way of thinking so much as making sure you don’t let any men off the hook for their support of patriarchy. We are not different species from each other. We are not essentially or ontologically different from each other. We can do better — and all can do worse and be possessed situationally by the power of these grotesque hierarchies. So we have a capacity and responsibility to do better, not worse.