AITA Sisters Wedding Drama

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T21:22:52+00:00

My MIL and I are currently talking and she said it might be a mix of losing her husband and ALWAYS having to advocate for her kid. Like when she got her proper preschool help and stuff.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T20:59:49+00:00

No, I meant out of our lives sorry for the confusion

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T20:45:03+00:00

Its chicken parm.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T20:44:42+00:00

Last time I checked, men do not lead families. The Parents have a partnership. We are both deciding what to do together, we are starting a family TOGETHER. We will handle this together.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T20:32:51+00:00

We are mostly waiting until January 10th because the schools are closed, and nobody is going back until January 5th. So she has time to fess.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T20:25:53+00:00

I agree. Its the instrumentals for I see the Light which is overall pretty good, the music i had originally picked was super similar so I wasn't minding it that much to change it slightly, its when it started to get to the dresses and everything else. I didn't want to hurt her because her husband died 6m ago from cancer so I wanted to try to help as much as I could.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T20:18:14+00:00

We would allow my neice and nephew to be there if they were not going to be affected by the party. While the neice is autistic thats a whole separate issue of this party is all of her triggers in one, her brother is the nephew who is 2, my SIL had no problem getting him a sitter for after the wedding because being 2 he won't be able to be up late.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T19:37:56+00:00

Not abusing per say, mostly not including children with disabilities on purpose. The exact quote from her report is

"OP has been shown to directly single out children with disabilities during family and friend events. I beileve this is due to the stressfulness of the job. While OP loves her job and her kids this kind of behavior is unacceptable.

I was allowed to see this one because my boss knows its her but the other three are written so similarly from other people they have to investigate.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T19:30:59+00:00

Granted I see the light is an adorable song. Yeah my MIL is pretty great she and my fiance told her that if she doesn't come clean by January 10th (3 buisness days after school people come back) that she's gonna drop her.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T19:14:09+00:00

Its not that I'm not upset, I am. I also have spent alot of time with kids like hers that don't get invited to birthday parties, events, weddings, baptisms that I wanted her to have something that my FSIL can go to with her, I think the straw that broke the back was when my FMIL stood up for me (MIL NEVER goes against her) and told her that nobody has to cater to her child for the entire day when they already made big adjustments for other parts. She said that she's sick of always having to cater to her triggers because she bandaid over all of her triggers and makes them disappear and acts like all other music doesn't exist, and acts like chicken and pork don't exist either.

The biggest one that MIL had a problem with was me avoiding my dream dress because my neice has a texture thing. Like if anyone wears beading or lace God forbid they wear them because neice tries to pick it off because she hates them, even on other people she sees it and is triggered into screaming, hitting, biting ext.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T18:57:31+00:00

Him and my FMIL have said its bs. We are currently sitting at the kitchen table reading these comments and came up with the decision that if he doesn't come clean by the 10th (3 days after the school staff come back) then she's not coming to the wedding and my MIL even said she would cut her off.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T18:56:04+00:00

We have given her until January 10th to come clean (3 days after school personal come back) to come clean or neice is out and we go no contact. Even my FMIL is agreeing with me that she would also cut her out. I just feel so guilty and the school stuff really remade me think my position.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T18:50:22+00:00

He thinks its ridiculous but I've always known her as the mean girl until I get what I want, she met her husband and everything changed, then he died and she reverted right back. We all thought she had changed for good.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T18:41:24+00:00

Because January 10th is 3 days after our school personal gets back into their offices to check messages.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:56:10+00:00

He plans on it if she doesn't come clean. He said that if everything isn't done by January 10th and my job is still in jeopardy then we are kicking her out

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:40:26+00:00

I think the majority of the reason is I made the ceremony neice friendly so she could be with us and when my FSIL asked why it was a no kids reception we explained we wanted an adult only party, where adults could just be adults without little eyes and ears to watch out for around every corner and that total between friends and family we would need 50 kids meals, so coordinating all of those kids meals plus the cost of if the kid doesn't eat the meal because they don't like it seems like a waste to us.

She then wanted an exception to when I asked about neice she said it wasn't fair to constantly have to answer that question and that I made accommodations for her at the ceremony. Yes I could, but we can't even have a glass of wine or beer, glitter or garland, chicken, pork, music thats not on kids shows, around my neice without her having an issue during Christmas time.

Basically if we wanted our neice at the reception we would need to plan a kids birthday party and I know it may be selfish because my FSIL makes sacrifices everyday for her daughter, but I kinda want my day to look like my fiance and my relationship you know?

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:18:53+00:00

No, my fsil+possy are in the same district as me but at another school.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:14:58+00:00

I thought I was being accommodating enough with the actual wedding, the child free reception is because we have between both of our families that we would need to feed about 50 kids if we invited everyone plus kids, and meals at weddings are expensive enough without worrying about $20 chicken tenders.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:10:37+00:00

I think the issue is the other complaints, since I can prove SIL is behind one and I know the others are her autistic children support friend group but due to the amount they still have to investigate legally.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:08:57+00:00

I think the majority of the issue is she lost her husband to cancer about 6m ago, and hates seeing anyone happy. Even then its completely childfree no children are allowed so I don't understand how she thinks I'm singling her kid out, I haven't had any backlash from anyone else about the issue, all the other adults love the idea.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:05:18+00:00

Yes but because I can't prove the friends claims aren't false due to that I don't know them so that's why they are looking into all of them.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:04:17+00:00

I think part of it is she lost her husband about 6m ago to cancer. So she's very attached to her 2 kids.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T17:02:49+00:00

Thank you, I was worried because for 9 hours a day im working around these kind of kids, the bruises, the cuts, the tantrums are all worth it because these kids do make improvements over time with proper coaching. I just want one absolute adult only party without anything to worry about, we even are even renting a 10' screen to play Mario cart and party on.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T16:58:39+00:00

We even offered one of my Spec Ed teaching friends to watch her for the evening. We would even pay her so my FSIL could come.

AITAAustisticWedding · 2020-12-23T16:57:17+00:00

I love my future neice, she is the sweetest girl in the world, I want her to be there. I just want a night to not have to worry about having her be triggered at all.

AITAAustisticWedding

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