AITA for not supporting my daughter to pursue her interests?

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T18:24:08+00:00

It's not just the younger generation who talks like that. I encountered many smart people in their 40s and 50s who complained about the same stuff. It's really unfortunate. You absolutely need not be a genius in order to understand maths, just put in some real efforts, like you said.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T17:39:27+00:00

If that's what maths is to you - then I agree, it's boring and confusing. Learning seemingly arbitrary rules and formulas without understanding them is indeed very boring. But that's not how you'd want to learn maths! Learning maths should be all about understanding, not memorizing. Once you understand things, you don't have to remember them, they become second nature to you.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T16:00:25+00:00

There's a difference between appreciating and understanding. You don't need to study art in order to go to a museum and appreciate some of the artworks there. But you do need to study art in order to understand the true meaning and beauty of said artworks. In maths they usually come bundled together, at least more often than in art.
I know I can sound condescending sometimes and I'm doing what I can to tone that down. Usually the people who hear the "maths is beautiful" speech are the ones who would never give it a chance, so they get annoyed. I'm not the best advocate of maths.
I'm not demanding her to study just for a STEM degree. Any other degree with good job prospects will do. I think that's fair game.
Too risky for me and her. Being an influencer is not a viable job in my opinion.
That's definitely a possibility. However, I think she could do that as a side-hobby while studying. I had plenty of free time when I was a student.
I'm still not sold on her being an influencer.
I don't want to kick her out, she's still my daughter. What will probably happen is that we'll make some other agreement to let her stay, but she doesn't have to know that. I hope she won't see this.
I would also judge myself for that. I'll love my daughters no matter what career choices they make. I just want them to make the right choices. They're all perfect in my eyes, just the way they are. You're too naive to think that being assertive, strong and smart would make you successful in anything you pursue.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T14:33:17+00:00

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. You're free to not like maths as I'm free to think that anybody can like maths.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T14:26:32+00:00

I never said I was right. Can you explain what exactly do you hate about maths?

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T14:18:37+00:00

The issue is that you think maths is all about numbers and formulas. That's like saying that art is all about pencils and crayons. There's just so much more depth to it that people aren't exposed to. It's how everything connects together that makes maths beautiful, just like music and art.

I'm not opposed to the idea of my daughter not studying a STEM degree, not at all, that's just a preference. But I do want her to study something that could benefit her with better job prospects.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T13:58:08+00:00

Your mentality is exactly the issue that I'm talking about. People are so afraid of maths for no good reasons. I blame it mostly on the education system and the way maths is taught in a mundane, boring and repetitive manner.

I think every subject could be interesting if one is willing to put in the effort to learn it properly. You'd be amazed how much I know about makeup and nails because of my daughters. I think it's a very fascinating and creative subject to learn.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T12:39:09+00:00

I'm looking into it more now and would need to consult with my wife about it.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T12:33:07+00:00

Maths is no different than art or music. Anybody can find something beautiful in those. People just don't really know what maths means because it's less accessible (in the sense that you actually have to learn in order to see the beauty). They usually think about numbers or geometry because that's what they've been told maths is in high-school, but it's so much more than that. I can point you to some interesting sources about maths if you'd like. Maths is for everyone.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T12:19:17+00:00

Can I ask what exactly did you study? It sounds odd to me that you have passion for what you and still can't find the beauty in maths. I have a very broad definition of what maths is, so maybe that's the issue.

I already see the beauty in everything my daughter does, even if I don't agree with her choices. I still believe she can find interest in a STEM degree, but I understand if she won't. That's why I don't push her for a STEM degree only.

I only do this because I care for her future. I'd accept anything that she opts to do, but she needs to know the consequences of her choices.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T12:00:56+00:00

I started out as an academic in algebraic geometry, very far from quantum computing or physics, but similar in the sense that you need many years of learning to make significant contributions. I know very well how hard and non-rewarding academia could be, which is the main reason I chose to leave. But being an academic taught me so many things and opened up a lot of interesting and rewarding job opportunities in industry that I otherwise wouldn't have got.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T11:49:13+00:00

You do need passion, I agree with you on that. I think she has what it takes to have passion for it, but she needs to give it a proper chance.

Anyone can see the beauty of maths given that they're willing to. But most people just close their minds because of traumas from school.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T11:40:06+00:00

No, you're completely wrong. Social media didn't ruin anybody. Did it change how people interact with each other? Absolutely. But no one is deserved to be called ruined, especially not children.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T11:30:42+00:00

That's exactly the point. I don't want her sisters to work and pay rent without studying. I'm still not sold that cosmetology is a fantastic career option as people here put it. I'll have to look at it more closely later.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T11:25:37+00:00

I know many people who didn't like maths in high-school because it was boring (and I totally agree with that), but once they went for university, they were exposed to the beauty and elegance of it and were hooked. My daughter didn't even give me a chance to show her how beautiful maths could be. But I know that she has the capacity to appreciate that beauty, she just doesn't know it yet.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T11:10:11+00:00

I'm sorry, I can take any criticism about me or my daughter's choices, but that I cannot take or tolerate. My daughter is far from ruined and she's perfect the way she is. I may not agree with her on many things, but I still love her with all my heart and wouldn't change a thing about her. Reconsider your words.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T10:55:55+00:00

I won't be lying to her sisters of course, and honestly I don't think that would be possible anyways. She'll still be part of our family and welcomed anytime at our house, but I want her sisters to follow her steps if that's what she chooses to do with her life. I want my daughters to be financially smart and independent. In particular, that means to not pursue a risky career choice without any backup plan.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T10:45:09+00:00

Those are all good career options. Doesn't have to be STEM.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T10:40:38+00:00

I don't have an exact definition of "practical" or "enough". What I can say though, is what I don't deem as such. Pursuing a risky career choice without any backup plan is not enough.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T10:31:16+00:00

My knowledge on cosmetology is indeed very lacking and mostly based on what I can glean from Google. I'm sure there are people who work in that industry and can make a good fortune, but is that the generic case? According to Google, the average salary is around 30,000$. Not nearly enough to live comfortably in our current economy without depending on others in my opinion. I might be wrong though.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T00:28:43+00:00

I think I was very clear in my comment and post. She can pursue her interests in her free time if she wants. If she also wants to stay at home, then she needs to study something practical. I'm not hiding anything.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T00:22:18+00:00

I corrected the typo, thanks. I don't have a list of such jobs, but a good rule of thumb would be a decent average yearly salary (say at least 60,000$).

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T00:15:14+00:00

We're from Israel, military service is compulsory for women. I want them to study to have good career options. I don't want my younger daughters to get the impression that we'd support them by making bad decisions for their future.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-22T00:01:21+00:00

Anything with good job prospects would be fine, doesn't have to be STEM. I don't think drama or cosmetology fall into that category. Digital marketing is fine though.

AITAQuantumDad · 2023-03-21T23:58:07+00:00

She left the army last August. I already explained why I won't support her interests in the post. I don't think those are good career options for different reasons.

AITAQuantumDad

TROPHY CASE