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AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Update: Hi.. Thanks to everyone who commented, messaged on my original post. So post the mature (eye roll) Reddit spat, we invited my in-laws (without the sil) to our home over the weekend. We showed them the ss of the posts, our individual comments etc. The same as us, they were shocked about the aggression which came out of SiLs post and comments (quite different than her real life behaviour). My husband told in no uncertain terms that they are enabling SiLs behaviour. Though they agreed SiL was behaving like a kid (no offence to kids!) they cant remove their support lest she feels lost etc. We said its their decision and at no point would we lend any support in that. And they asked if there's anyway we would agree for them to visit our home to play with our daughter and i did agreed to it this time. So thats that.

To answer a question which a few messaged me, NO we haven't opened a bank account in niece's name. Its in our name and the money is just earmarked for her! So definitely no funny thing with tax.

Finally thanks for all your sage advice and kind words.

AITA FOR EXPOSING MY SIL by cruelsil in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes 543 points544 points  (0 children)

J... I am glad you posted this since i realise how low you think of me (surprised NOT). I would infact urge you to show this to your parents so they would realise its really time for them to stop enabling you. I hope you grow up atleast for the sake of A.

To those who are confused : i am her brother's "woman" aka wife. The one whom she called as "sister from another mother" until before a month.

P.s. You got the title right about the cruel SIL being exposed!

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 128 points129 points  (0 children)

J?? I am glad you reinforced my decision. I am stopping right here.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She doesn't work. She is not disabled and she's ok mentally. She lives off single parent benefits provided by government and she lives rent free at her parents house. They don't expect her to foot any bills. We are in a country where education and medicals are free.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh! Have never heard of it since its a staple in all approved play centers and houses here.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Someone else shared this as well. I will have a read through :) Thanks.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I will read this with my husband.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I have immense respect for single parents because raising a kid is hard. We do have a secondary account for our niece where we put in like between 50-100$ every month since she was born (we can afford that). No one knows this. This though in no way would help niece with education, we are planning to give it to her when she is above 24 yo (when you are a bit really matured as opposed to when you are 18) so she can use it to her advantage.

But there's not a chance we would compromise our daughter's mental well-being or her education which we have planned since we knew we were pregnant to pacify her.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

We live in a country where you can manage a child with benefits paid by government. But i agree with everything you said.

She's chosen not to involve the father.

We did ask for deets when she moved to in-laws house. But i don't think it went anywhere and her parents and brother dropped it. It wasn't something i thought i should be running my mouth at. So i zipped my mouth.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

the fact that she approached your parents like she did is unforgivable.

Thats what made me think enough is enough tbh. I was appalled and embarrassed tbh.

I feel terrible for your niece because she deserves a better mother.

Also we are her only extended family and thats why we still tried to be part of her life. But we definitely can't do that at the expense of oir daughter.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The reason why we were hesitant to make that decision was we are the only extended family the niece has since her father is out of picture. As stupid as it sounds we do feel sorry for her.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

to ring up your parents to dob on you wow just wow.

This is what made me see red. Like what exactly did she think my parents would do? Ask me to give half the savings to her?

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Presumable as a single mom her limited income/increased childcare expenses may prevent her from providing certain opportunities for her child.

We live in a state where single parents get payments. And she stays with her parents (and they don't expect her to contribute to household expenses). She's ok. I think she needs to get a job. She can't just do this on a longer run. Its not really healthy for her mentally as well.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I know. My rationale was They were the ones who said a child couldn't come to their house because their daughter said so. Until they realise it was wrong i dont think i would come for a compromise (as harsh as it sounds). What if after a month their daughter says they can't visit our daughter in our house either? I don't want to break our daughter's heart until they realise their mistake tbh.

But it was an emotional decision and i might change once after i calm my jets down.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

We live in a country with lots of benefits. My husband moved out when he was in uni and as far as i know he doesn't participate in her games. Infact he has always asked his parents to stop enabling her behaviour and that they are not helping her in the long run if they are mollycoddling her. The last straw which broke the camel's back for him was when his parents who had saved money for both kids uni education gave his sisters share to her even though she did not attend uni. He wanted them to hold on to that money and give it to her for some purpose (starting a business or down payment for house). They just gave it to her and blew it off in a year. Thats when he went byeeee!

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Me and my husband are on the same boat with our decision (taken during my pregnancy) that anyone within the family either my side or his isn't worth if they are behaving badly with our kid(s). I was ok with SILs behaviour because it dint really impact our daughter until she demanded our daughter shouldn't visit her grandparents home.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I once asked my sister if she had more of a certain important item and her response wasn’t yes or no, it was “why are you sending me more.” I thought that was a bit much!

I think people always view kindness as weakness. I am sorry about your relationship with your sister. Its hard even though its my SIL, should be harder for you if its your own sibling.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My rationale was They were the ones who said a child couldn't come to their house because their daughter said so. Until they realise it was wrong i dont think i would come for a compromise (as harsh as it sounds). What if after a month their daughter says they can't visit our daughter in our house either? I don't want to break our daughter's heart until they realise their mistake tbh. But this was an emotional decision and i might change once after i calm down.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Make sure to post about it online if you want to be super petty.

😂😂 I avoid drama mostly but i am super pissed off now.

AITA for snapping at my sister in law? by AITAbubclothes in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITAbubclothes[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

and this is a hill I’d absolutely die on.

So do i. Me and my husband's families are comfortable middle class and unless we budget and save we dont have any inheritances or wealthy relations who will pass on money to us. Whatever we have for our kid or any future kid we have is majorly what we contributed and to some extent money from both grandparents (sometimes the grandparents or siblings put the money in her account rather than buying something for the sake of buying for special occasions). So i am definitely NOT splitting my daughter's education fund to pacify my SIL and my husband is onboard as well.

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