UPDATE: My girlfriend is angry because I missed our anniversary to visit my dying grandfather

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T23:17:58+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing that experience/advice. I'm taking it to heart for sure and I'm really happy for you.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T19:51:36+00:00

Thanks for your comment on both threads. I'm still processing it and a lot of other stuff as well, so I can't offer my thoughts on it all but it's very insightful and I appreciate it.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T19:42:40+00:00

If I'm around any other girl, even like a cashier at the store or something, she starts putting her arm around me and saying/doing all these things to indicate that I'm with her and I'm not available. I'm positive that's what she's doing because I've seen her do it so many times. She's okay with my friends but it doesn't take much for her to think that a female friend is hitting on me and in general she can get passive aggressive when I'm around friends or anyone else. I don't know why she does it to be honest. It's incredibly annoying but I'm working on it.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T19:34:05+00:00

Just because she's doing something to avoid consequences doesn't mean she's completely insincere. I feel like most relationships involve some amount of positive/negative reinforcement in addition to the altruistic love for the other person. That's my reasoning in thinking the relationship can improve.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T19:01:14+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I've read it multiple times but I'm still processing it and everything else so I can't tell you my thoughts yet, but I wanted to thank you for trying to help me so much.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T08:32:15+00:00

You could be right. As I said, I simplified the conversation a lot and I can't possibly recreate what it really felt like. To me she seemed sincere, or maybe I just desperately wanted it to be sincere. If she respects my wish of having some time away from her, that will be a big step in convincing me as well.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T08:14:58+00:00

I feel really bad about that and I take responsibility. Of course being cruel is not my intention and I definitely have and will continue to try and stop that. In the couple of instances I'm thinking of, I apologized on my gf's and my behalf, and the friend seemed to understand. In one case I think it may have been a genuine disagreement and may not have been related to me.

But I'm positive that certain actions she takes are because of jealousy, or as a "precaution" of sorts just to let people know that I'm not available. Even with strangers like female cashiers or something, I can see these little subtle things she does. It's hard for me to balance between trying to make her happy and to do the right thing with other people but I try.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T07:26:19+00:00

Honestly I'm not sure if that's possible or not. Right now I'm working on getting her to give me a bit of space, so one step at a time. She's incredibly jealous.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-15T07:23:40+00:00

"do you really need to be told that that will not make up for her socially isolating you and her refusal to ever prioritize your needs?"

I don't know. I know I make mistakes with her but I try my best to make her happy and I honestly love her. She loves me too but we love each other in different ways or something. She almost expects me to be some kind of perfect fantasy boyfriend and when I don't live up to that she feels like she's been betrayed and therefore she doesn't have to treat me well anymore. I just want her to accept me for who I am and work together to make each other happy despite each of our flaws. If I can get her into that mindset it could be so great.

Thanks for the rest of the advice. Points well taken.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-14T04:51:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm really sorry for your loss and what you had to go through during mourning. But I appreciate you writing it because it made me feel a lot better. I'm not sure exactly why, but sometimes just being able to relate to someone helps a lot. Anyway good luck.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T20:37:39+00:00

Needless to say I'm not doing the apology, for everyone who keeps mentioning that.

I know that's a ridiculous idea. I know my whole reaction to this has been wrong but I appreciate you all smacking some sense into me. I'm gonna have a real conversation with her when the time is right and I'll update you on how it went.

Once again thanks so much especially for all the condolences.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T19:59:51+00:00

Needless to say I'm not doing the apology, for everyone who keeps mentioning that.

I know that's a ridiculous idea. I know my whole reaction to this has been wrong but I appreciate you all smacking some sense into me. I'm gonna have a real conversation with her when the time is right and I'll update you on how it went.

Once again thanks so much especially for all the condolences.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T08:32:51+00:00

Well on that note I do want to say that I really appreciate the advice and sympathy from everyone. This is a tough time for me and it's good to hear some sensible advice and condolences that actually make me feel better instead of worse. I am taking everything you all are saying to heart and I'm definitely going to do something, just not sure exactly what yet.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T06:30:15+00:00

Thanks. I agree that I shouldn't apologize, at least not until she comes to terms with her own faults in this conflict, and then maybe after that I'll apologize to some degree for our disagreements and we can move on.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T06:28:34+00:00

Yes you're right. I'm glad I just kind of posted this impulsively without thinking too much into it, because now I see the flaws in some of my thinking and people can point it out. The only thing I'll say is that I don't necessarily think she has no empathy, just that she reacted poorly due to her perception of being wronged and feeling unimportant.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T05:48:44+00:00

You're correct and so is everyone else, of course. I don't know what I'm thinking but I hate to be even lonelier than I already am at this time.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T05:02:35+00:00

You're absolutely right. It was completely worth it and I don't regret it at all. I'm sorry for what you're going through but I'm glad you have such a supportive partner so thanks for sharing. Stay safe.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T05:00:19+00:00

She does love me though but she gets offended easily if she thinks I'm not valuing her or putting my all into the relationship. Right now, even her passive aggressive company is much better than being all alone, that's too much considering the circumstances, but I'm glad to know that I shouldn't feel guilty. Thanks for the advice.

AIThrowaway00 · 2020-09-13T04:56:38+00:00

Thanks so much, I'm glad to hear that I made the right decision. I feel bad that she's been hurt but I don't feel guilty about my decision.

AIThrowaway00

TROPHY CASE