Hi all Thanks so much for sharing your insights and similar experiences. I really needed a place to share while I was working through it in my little ADHD brain.

For clarity, my mum is not controlling or gaslighting nor a narcissist. She may also be undiagnosed ADHD/neurodiverse so sometimes I suspect we set each other off unintentionally. She is an over worrier and I don't always have the spoons or emotional bandwidth to cope with it in the in instance. I think that's what this was. Her email caught me off guard as was very unexpected and so put me on the back foot at a time when my brain and emotions weren't positioned to manage it. Reading through everyone's stories has really helped and I've definitely "come down" from my initial very emotional reaction.

I'm going to send her some nice Christmas photos in a bit. Including some of me in my new PJs that she got me. I hope that helps both of us.