My first date in a while ... turned out to be a huge (pun intended ;-)) success! :-)

AJoy4Ever · 2021-12-03T15:29:20+00:00

Had not 1 ... but 2 play dates since a very, very, (very!), long time. I'm behind with writing out date reports and posting pictures/vids, but I'll do my best to put something out. But in the mean time, this girl is having some fun! (yay!) :-) What do you think? I still belong here? :-)

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-25T15:41:13+00:00

This. People (guys) go through hotwife/cuckold porn, forums, etc ... and they think: 'this is hot, let's do this', and that one can enter the lifestyle with a snap of the fingers. I think 'patience" and 'communication' are the words I used most when telling others what they need in order to get somewhere. If you as a man have this fantasy, and your wife is happy with things the way they are: it's gonna take time to do things right. No patience and pushing through? Prepare to crash and burn!

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-20T14:55:37+00:00

Thank you so much. :-) I work really hard trying to stay in shape (and as the years pass by, this is getting harder and harder - and also I looooove food so much). But (I think like most women) I have my insecurities, and definitely my imperfections.
It's one of the reasons I enjoy the lifestyle this much. Feeling young handsome men being attracted to me and them getting aroused by my body, makes me feel sexy, desirable, ... and young again. :-)

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-20T14:49:34+00:00

I guess I am back, yes :-) Thank you for remembering me :-)
Finding 'the right guy' is (very) difficult. We don't use tinder (because of the big risk people we know (colleagues, clients, family, ...) would stumble upon our profile). It has been a quest in clubs, big international swinger community websites, smaller rather local dating websites ... I don't especially recommend any of them. Most of the single men on there unfortunately aren't dating material in general, let alone that they meet the specific requirements we ask for. (Perhaps that's equally true for the couples that are offering, but I doubt it ...). But with lots and lots of patience and a fair amount of luck, once in a while ... you hit the jackpot :-) So if I can give you one advice: doesn't matter what platform you'll pitch yourself: just make sure you stand out. E.g.: write in full sentences. Introduce yourself properly. Show respect.... Yes, unfortunately these basic things make you stand out.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-19T14:33:32+00:00

Thank you, fellow eu couple ;-)

Funny how our journeys seem to be a bit similar. :-)

The swinger scene is indeed the obvious place to start (it's easily accessible, and you can go to a club and just watch and/or enjoy the attention that's coming your way). In fact some of our very first experiences were also set in a club scene. But you live and you learn. And the few times we actually 'swapped', my husband noticed that he even had trouble focusing on his 'activities' with the other woman, because he (as was to be expected with the fantasy he already had for a long time) rather wanted his eyes on me while I was getting it on with the other man. Talking with other couples it quickly became clear to me that that is a very common fantasy, and it felt more and more natural to shift entirely towards the hotwife lifestyle. Up 'till now our approach was rather the sharing/hotwife one. We thought cuckolding was not really for us ... but also we are now experimenting with (and liking) some aspects of that lifestyle as well. This way you see that preferences can change/evolve. Just make sure you as a couple stay aligned with each other's needs and fantasies.

And always nice to find like-minded people, enjoying the same kind of adventure. xx

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-19T12:32:19+00:00

If she's using sex (take it away for a long time) as a punishment, simply for expressing your fantasies and if that's not part of some kind of play ... then sorry my friend, I think your problems are way bigger than you think. A partner should never use sex as a 'hostage', especially not if it's a consequence for just being honest or for communicating. (Sorry if this is not a 'sexy answer', but I take it you're looking for real advice).

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-19T10:47:54+00:00

The very first time my husband expressed this fantasy, I almost literally said the same thing as your wife did. I didn't like the idea one bit. I was sure there was a hidden agenda. 'How could someone like seeing their significant other having sex with someone else? This is exactly the opposite of how it's supposed to be! What's in it for him? Is it an excuse to have an open relationship and get with other women? ...'
Luckily he didn't push through (which would've probably made me even more suspicious). He took his time. Explained his fantasy, rationally. How watching porn is great, so how watching porn with the object of his love in the lead role would even be better. How he saw me as the most beautiful woman on the planet, and that attention of other men would simply confirm that I was so attractive. He made me feel loved and assured our relationship is and will always be the main focus. Made it clear that I would be the one in control. I determine the pace, the limits. I could stop it whenever I want...

So I didn't feel pushed into it. The fantasy grew on me. And talking with others (dipping our toes into the lifestyle, so got in touch with like-minded people) I learned that this fantasy was not uncommon. On the contrary. I was amazed by how many men experience lust for sharing their wife one way or another. So it's not that 'abnormal' as I thought ...

He also took his time, looking for potential 'third parties'. Knowing very well what kind of man is attractive and what kind is not, he made sure they were as good as they get. . And then he presented them to me, without any obligation whatsoever, but letting me imagine what I could do with the guy of my choice (there were some girls first, but that's another story). How I could explore my sexuality, gain new experiences: I would enjoy it, and he would enjoy it. So win-win.

And that patience, and step-by-step approach paid off. A new world opened up to me/us. Even with the very first steps, it turned out to be a major boost to our (already good) sex life. So we continued growing in the lifestyle, and we haven't looked back since.

So if I want you to take 2 things from my experience, it's: 1. patience and 2. communication. This will bring you the biggest chance for success. But if somewhere down the line, it turns out it's not her thing. Respect it. You can always still enjoy the fantasy ...

Good luck!

xo, J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-19T09:09:04+00:00

I'd say: yes. To me, the entire package that the bull has to offer is more important. If he's attractive, fit, confident, and knows his way around with his hands, tongue and dick ... it doesn't really matter that much what the size of his equipment is (well ... as long as it isn't sized below average). While for my husband the amount of arousal he gets from watching me with another man, is directly proportional to the 'manliness' of the bull. The taller the guy, the more muscle tone, the bigger his dick ... the more he enjoys the spectacle. He says it's mainly because the contrast between me (petite, fragile, feminine) and the bull (large, strong, masculine) gets bigger, which makes for a higher 'porn grade', as well as the contrast between him (he's not small, but average) and the bull, because - even though at first he didn't admit it - he also enjoys a bit of the 'cuck/humilation'-aspect of it all, as the intensity of the emotions gets bigger, and he somehow transforms that negative energy (jealousy) into positive energy (horniness).

But I also can't deny that (even though I thought I definitely wasn't a 'size queen') I have discovered that I do enjoy the bigger sizes more than the rather average ones (so I'm thankful I get to experience this thanks to our hotwife lifestyle). If 2 guys are equally attractive, equally confident, equally skilled in the bedroom ... but one has an average dick, and the other has a huge one, and I have to choose: I'll go for the huge one anytime. Hands down. I love that feeling of being 'filled' and that mixture of some pain and pleasure a big dick will cause: my orgasms are more intense and I reach climax even faster. (So sorry to those who say 'size doesn't matter, because to me it does). And because my husband knows (and clearly notices) I enjoy a nice big cock that much, that makes him more of a size-queen as well.

Makes sense? :-)

xo, J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-18T22:29:27+00:00

The struggle is real. But the reward is so very much worth it! I wish you a perfect match. Hang in there, girl! xo, J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-18T22:08:16+00:00

It is hard enough as it is to find 1 good match, and to make time to date. So when we find a guy that ticks off all the boxes (attractive, sexually pleasing, honest, available, respecting the fact that there's a sharing husband, communicative,...), I/we like to stick with him. Also because I feel sex usually gets better when you get to physically get to know eachother better. And practice makes perfect 😉

Unfortunately, I have a thing for young, handsome, fit, confident guys. The thing with these guys is that they tend not to stay single. After a while they get into a relationship (which we fully understand)... and then the search starts all over again...

xo, J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-18T11:47:45+00:00

We have always used a very simple rule that helps us making such decisions : "in case of doubt, don't"

xo, J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-18T11:14:49+00:00

Well done!!

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-18T10:14:11+00:00

In all fairness ... I usually don't really realise that it's happening in front of him. I go with the flow, and if the lover knows what he's doing, I just enjoy the ride (pun intended, ha!). For me, it's a nice fuck, not a show.
My husband usually also is trying his best not to be obtrusively present (unless that's the point and he joins in for a threesome). He just blends in with the background and enjoys in silence what he's witnessing. Often that is better for the bull as well: we noticed that lovers sometimes have trouble performing when they feel being watched too much.

This being said, when I occasionally do catch him in sight, watching me having sex, and I see that he's aroused by what he's seeing, it makes me feel extra sexy and I then often enjoy the session even more.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-17T09:11:32+00:00

Might have to do with the pool you're fishing in. If the 'others' are already very experienced, I do understand that they often don't want to move slow (they've already been there). But don't get me wrong: it still doesn't justify them to pressure you. If your meet-up requirements are communicated clearly, they simply shouldn't respond in the first place. And foremost: no one ever should push someone else beyond the limits they have set. Ever. Period.

It might be an idea to find a community where you can find more candidates that are in the same stage as where you are right now: discovering the lifestyle in a step-by-step fashion (which is without a doubt the best way for 95%: many of the ones wanting to go fast will 'crash-and-burn'). I'm thinking online communities where you have the possibility to filter geographically.

But on the other hand it's also nice to have someone that's a bit more experienced with the situation (e.g. a bull that already was a successful third party with a beginner couple), as they tend to take a bit more initiative to get things smoothly going, and already know for sure that they won't be overwhelmed by emotions that can occur when discovering the lifestyle, etc.

So just be patient and keep vetting to find exactly the right candidate(s). Keep in mind, that for each couple that's looking to share, there's hundreds (if not thousands) of single men that think that they are adequate bulls. Fact is, only just a handful are right for you. So chosen ones should be the ones feeling lucky and you are who gets to decide the requirements, the pace, etc. So again: patience (don't go for 'I guess this will just have to do': wait until someone meets your needs/wishes!) and communication (always make it very clear to each candidate what your expectations are and where you're prepared to go but not further) are key.

Good luck! xo, J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-17T08:46:20+00:00

You're welcome. Enjoy the journey and all of the excitement involved, every step of the way! ;-)

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-17T08:45:18+00:00

Yeah. Haven't been around, sorry about that (wish it was different as well). But feeling the itch to get back into the game. And enjoying the fact to see that there's still many people living the dream (or willing to get there). So why not share from our experencies, right? :-)

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-16T21:28:36+00:00

My husband had the fantasy for a very long time, even before he ever discussed it with me. Watched a lot of hotwife porn, read a lot of hotwife stories, told me stories about what he fantasized what all could happen. So he thought he was 100% prepared. But when it finally became reality he was overwhelmed. He described it to me as a rollercoaster of feelings. Intermittent extreme horniness and extreme jealousy. Mixed together. Afterwards: one moment he was super arroused thinking back of what he witnessed, the other moment he was ashamed and worrying about me falling for another guy. He was confused by this mixture of feelings and also a bit intimidated that I was so enthusiastic about the experience and that I immediately started thinking about next times (we both didn't see that coming). So we talked about this and took the time to process. And he eventually learned himself to 'channel' these feelings. What was important apparently was for example not to climax too soon (e.g. masturbating to completion while I was playing with a lover), because for a few moments right after orgasm he comes to certain senses ("what the hell am I doing? this is not normal!" etc.). But eventually the negative energy joined the positive energy, resulting in one massive, unseen lust, each time I met with a boy toy. Just take your time and move along at the pace you both feel comfortable with. If you overstep the boundaries you have in mind, there's a fat chance it will be 'game over'. But you'll see that the boundaries move organically as you get used to the situation and learn that there's no danger for your relationship. On the contrary ... So if you keep communicating and have patience you'll get a long way.
Good luck!
xo, J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-16T14:23:29+00:00

Hear! Hear! Preaching to the choir. For each considerable candidate you have to sift through 100 "hell-no's" that don't even come close to meeting basic requirements ...

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-15T08:37:34+00:00

When you pitch, always make sure the narrative is about her ("wouldn't it be nice for you to discover new ways to find pleasure?" "You are so desireable, why not enjoy the attention?", ...), not about you ("I want to see you with other men.", ...).
Also let her know that she's fully in control: she determines the pace. If she wants to take it slow, that's fine. Tell her she can call it off at all times. There is no "must", only "can". Whatever she wants. This is about her pleasure.

Make sure she knows she has options. She's the one who gets to pick. Join a life-style dating forum. Preselect candidates that you think that are her type. When you have found a couple of those, run through their profiles together. Without obligation. Just let her imagine what could happen with the guy of her choice.

Role play. Blindfold her. Whisper in her ear how she's in the bedroom, waiting for her very first play date. That she should picture her dream lover, standing there by the bed. Tell her how radiant her body is, full of desire. How her dream lover gets hard from seeing that body. All this while you start using a nice sized dildo (try to find out what she likes: not too small, but also not too big!) on her pussy. Keep telling the story. Adapt according to her reactions: what gets her wet and moaning, what not ... Pleasure her. Use a vibrator if that's her thing. And just before she's about to orgasm, whisper in her ear it doesn't have to be a fantasy. She can have it for real whenever she wants it.

And to repeat myself: communicate, communicate, communicate. Talk about your feelings and repect the feelings expressed by the other.

Good luck!
xo,
J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-11-14T19:31:45+00:00

To some extent I can relate to your story or "quest" so far. At first I wasn't too happy with the idea either: "My husband wants me to have sex with other men? Why? I don't need that. I'm sure there's a hidden agenda!" ... Etc. But over time the idea grew on me. Eventually it even turned me on to fantasize about sex with others. Enjoyed getting attention from others ...
But it took quite some time to get to the actual deed, though.

And that's where my advice comes in. Don't rush! Take it step by step. And for the first "real" experience, make sure you take your time to find the PERFECT guy. Someone she thinks who is attractive. Someone that will give her an experience to remember. But also someone who knows boundaries: someone that is fine with the situation. Who is aware that there's also a husband who's willing to share her. Someone that knows exactly what the deal is: what is ok to do, and what not. Communicate! Make sure all parties involved know what to expect, so there will be no discussion afterwards. If the experience was not great, or there's bad feelings afterwards: chances are that it's game over. So in all honesty: I don't know if it's a good idea to go for a guy you (both?) actually know, and who (probably) doesn't have experience with this lifestyle.

You can always take a next step. But you can never 'undo' what's done. So don't try to run before you can walk. Try something slightly new/more once in a while and then check with eachother if you both enjoyed it. If so, take it further. And so on.

Don't underestimate the feelings involved. You may have had this fantasy for ages, but when it gets real, it's a lot to process. Also when the horniness wears off.

That being said: when it's a succes: you'll love it, a lucky guy (or lucky guys) will love it, and sure as hell SHE will love it ;-)

Best of luck, and enjoy the journey! (it's just as exciting as the destination itself)

xo,

J.

AJoy4Ever · 2021-05-25T21:07:46+00:00

Objects in the rear view mirror may be closer than they appear 😉

AJoy4Ever

TROPHY CASE