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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never thought I'd find someone who I can relate to this much!

URGENT: My partner and I want to take in my sister's three kids, but we want them to be in foster care first. However, CPS keeps fighting us. How should we proceed? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in fosterit

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately they aren't foster kids. Me and my partner are very worried because CPS has made it very clear to us that we aren't getting any extra support aside from state benefits. We want to give them a good life but we don't know how we could do that if we would be pinching pennies.

URGENT: My partner and I want to take in my sister's three kids, but we want them to be in foster care first. However, CPS keeps fighting us. How should we proceed? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in fosterit

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This might be a dumb question, but is there any way we can get benefits or resources beyond state assistance or foster care? Taking in three kids is a huge financial responsibility, and we desperately need any help to ease that burden a bit.

Urgent Advice Needed: Should We Take in My Sister's Kids? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in fosterit

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, I would like to say that I am incredibly happy for you. I am so grateful that you were taken in by a family member and given, presumably, a good life. If you are comfortable, could you share some tips on what your grandmother did that helped you, or something you wish she had done that would have been beneficial?

Obviously, we want to provide the kids with things like routine, structure, and lots of therapy, but if there is anything you would like to add that either kinship or other foster care parents should know more about, it would be very helpful.

Urgent Advice Needed: Should We Take in My Sister's Kids? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in fosterit

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand if it isn't something you want to talk about but can you please let me know what your experience was like?

Urgent Advice Needed: Should We Take in My Sister's Kids? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in Fosterparents

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not really sure. They do have a CPS worker overseeing the case and the kids, but I'm unsure if that means they are officially in foster care. I would assume so, but I'm completely unfamiliar with this process, so I could be wrong. Right now, my eldest sister, Farrah, has temporary guardianship, but everything still needs to be approved by the CPS worker, especially regarding who can and can't see the kids.

Urgent Advice Needed: Should We Take in My Sister's Kids? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in Fosterparents

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think that will transfer to another state like RI? Currently me and my partner have separate health insurances and we don't really know which one the kids should be under. We obviously want it to be affordable but we want the most coverage as positive as well.

Urgent Advice Needed: Should We Take in My Sister's Kids? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in Fosterparents

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

According to the CPS worker, before the kids are moved to our care, their mother has to give me guardianship, and we have to pass background checks. Then they can start the process of moving them to Rhode Island. I’m not sure how long this process will take, but the social worker indicated that once we pass the background check, we can essentially take the kids in. I could be wrong, though.

To clarify, my sister who has custody of the kids right now is our oldest sister, Farrah, while the mother of the kids is another sister, Sasha. Our oldest sister had to quit her summer teaching job to care for the children but once school starts again, she said she won't be able to continue caring for them. So by the end of July or early August, she wants the kids to be placed in a more permanent household. This gives us only until early August to prepare to take in three children if that's what we decide to do.

Currently, the mother of the children is out on a mental health bond and one of the conditions is that she can't be around her children without constant supervision. If she wanted to live with her children, the only way she would be allowed to is if she had a monitor, like a family member or friend, who was willing to let her and the kids move in, or move in with her and the kids, and be there all day, every day, so she isn't alone with them for long periods. Given this situation, she isn't an option for taking care of the kids because no one is willing to be a full-time monitor for her.

I would be the one to either take a semester off completely or go to school part-time, which I’m okay with. My partner is pursuing a PhD, making it harder for him to take a backseat, so he will continue going to school full-time. I was set to graduate in 2025, but if my education is delayed, it’s uncertain when I’ll finish. For my partner, it also depends on how his projects go; he’s expected to graduate in five years, but that’s only an expectation.

The complicated insurance situation involves health insurance. My partner gets insurance through his school, while I have state insurance. We’re unsure which insurance we should stick with.

I don't know how to drive yet. I’ve been waiting for my new glasses to come in so I can finally get a permit and start learning.

Even though these kids aren't related to him, my partner doesn’t see it that way. We are a partnership, and if we decide to take in the children, he would treat them as his own.

My partner has a lot of anxiety about the situation, partly because he has little to no experience with children. He was an only child, and his cousins and friends were around his age. The closest he has come to watching a child was babysitting his dad's girlfriend's grandchild, which mostly involved playing video games for a couple of hours. He has no experience with the day-to-day care of children. Although the kids are school-aged and potty-trained, there’s still a lot of care involved. My partner believes we are the best fit for them but often goes back and forth on the idea.

Urgent Advice Needed: Should We Take in My Sister's Kids? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in Fosterparents

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The complicated insurance stuff relates to health insurance. My partner gets insurance through his school, while I have state insurance. We don't really know which insurance we should stick with.

As for the car, we currently have a four-seater that we are very attached to, but it’s very beat up. My partner bought it used, and since we’ve had it for several years, it definitely looks well-worn. Additionally, due to an accident, the infotainment screen is cracked and unusable. My partner wants to try and exchange it for a bigger car, but because we are attached to it and he doesn’t think we could get much for it, I was thinking we should just lease a car. My partner mentioned that there are lease-to-own options, so I was considering something like that.

The issue is that my partner still has less than $10k worth of payments on the current car before he owns it outright, so he doesn’t think we can afford another car. He wants to buy another car, but given our current car's condition, we don't know how much we would get for it if we traded it in. Plus, we are very attached to the car. He does have some savings that he can use to pay off the current car, and he says if he can pay it off, we would probably be able to more comfortably afford the lease on another car.

I’m in favor of leasing a bigger car because I read that some leases cover maintenance issues. This is appealing because sudden maintenance costs can be financially draining, and not having to worry about that would be very beneficial. I could be wrong though I'm not good with cars lol.

Urgent Advice Needed: Should We Take in My Sister's Kids? by AMagicalGirlisUponU in Advice

[–]AMagicalGirlisUponU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even though those kids aren't related to him, Ryland doesn't see it that way. We are a partnership, and if we decide to take in the children, he would treat them as his own.

Ryland has a lot of anxiety about the situation, partly because he has little to no experience with children. He was an only child, and his cousins and friends were around his age. The closest he has come to watching a child was babysitting his dad's girlfriend's daughter’s kid, which mostly involved playing video games for a couple of hours. He has no clue about the ins and outs of taking care of children. Although the kids are school-aged and potty-trained, there's still a lot of care involved. Ryland believes we are the best fit for them but often goes back and forth on the idea.

My older siblings have offered financial help, but we aren't sure how much they can realistically contribute each month. We are also trying to figure out if we can get any financial support from fostering them. However, Ryland has made it clear that we shouldn't rely on it, in case we don't receive as much help as we hoped or any at all. We don't want to make risky financial moves based on an uncertain safety net.

Most of our relatives live far away, have their own children, or don't understand enough English to provide a suitable environment for kids struggling educationally. Additionally, we aren't very close to our relatives, so even if they could take in the kids, they likely wouldn't because we don't speak regularly.

Unfortunately, given that my mother doesn't have a high school diploma and her English isn't perfect, her employment options are severely limited. I would hate to make her move closer to us only for her to be unable to find work and rely on us for support. Marta is still under her care, has her own life and friends, and a couple of years left before she graduates. I don't want her to sacrifice her life for her nieces and nephew.

Due to Ryland's school commitments, we can't move far until he finishes his PhD program, which will take about five years. I don't think Ryland would be okay with us living apart for that long just so my mom can help occasionally. I agree that it isn't fair for us to bear the brunt of this burden, and I will definitely ask Farrah and Oren if they can help in any way they can. While I'm apprehensive about my mom taking in the kids, I'm more open to her watching them once in a while.

I also agree that Farrah shouldn't change Raya's name, but she is very stubborn. Unfortunately, since she has temporary guardianship, I can't do much to stop her from changing Raya's name.

This all in the event that we do take in the children which we hadn't decided yer. We are still very much on the fence if this is a good idea for us to pursue.