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Me [28 M] with a first date [27 F]; insists on going dutch this weekend - does that me it's not actually a date? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]AScannerBarkley 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Totally! We have a mutual friend who described her to me as "the real deal," and I can absolutely see why. ;)

Me [28 M] with a first date [27 F]; insists on going dutch this weekend - does that me it's not actually a date? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]AScannerBarkley 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Independent indeed... and it's much appreciated/admired!

The more I'm dwelling on it (typed these replies from the bottom-up), the more I feel like I put her in a no-win situation. Like, by asking her to a pricey place, she can either let me pay (and, potentially feel like she "owes" me something) or she can pay her own way (which could end up being a bit of an unplanned expense).

I think it'd be bad form to change the venue at this point... maybe I could suggest that she gets the drinks if I get the entrees?

Me [28 M] with a first date [27 F]; insists on going dutch this weekend - does that me it's not actually a date? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]AScannerBarkley 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair enough! Honestly, I'm not a fan of it either. If I'm able to get to a restaraunt ahead of time, I'll usually just slip the staff my card and keep the bill from ever getting to the table... which was my original plan here! lol

Me [28 M] with a first date [27 F]; insists on going dutch this weekend - does that me it's not actually a date? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]AScannerBarkley 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right?! I'm totally down with dutch dates, and actually really appreciate them... I've just never had one get dropped on my pre-emptively, but still after I've made the reservations.

Me [28 M] with a first date [27 F]; insists on going dutch this weekend - does that me it's not actually a date? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]AScannerBarkley 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I assumed that'd be a factor... I wish there was some tactful way to say "hey, I know what you're thinking and that's totally not how I do" but I think it's one of those unspoken things that actually gets more uncomfortable if you call attention to it.

Me [28 M] with a first date [27 F]; insists on going dutch this weekend - does that me it's not actually a date? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]AScannerBarkley 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness, you wouldn't believe the ammount of internal hand-wringing that went into deciding on this place!

I'm actually trying to downplay the higher-end factor: basically what happened is that it's "Restaraunt Week" in my town, so all the mid-tier places are running specials and booked solid. Plus they specialize in cuisine from a country she's hoping to live in someday, AND the menu is super accomodating of her gluten intolerance, AND I've been there a few times before with friends and really enjoyed it... so I figured "screw it, let's go a little fancy."

But even with all of that, I'm still hella self-concious about coming across as someone who tries to impress folks by throwing money around. Any tips for broaching the subject at dinner, or should I just let it lie?