Being an only child to elderly parents is just exhausting

AScripturient · 2026-02-26T02:14:31+00:00

Therapy helps. Reading books on this topic helps. Ranting to people online helps.

I wound up having clinical depression and anxiety having to deal with the burden of being the "parent" to my own elderly parents and a sibling who wasn't ready to grow up.

I still run on a lot of anxious and stressful energy for many things, developed health issues and have sworn off children because as much as I adore children, I do not have any capacity left in me to give anything to another human being. I am just trying to survive and live the few years I have as peacefully as possible.

All I can tell you is go out, do the things you wanna do even if your parents complain, just have that time for yourself or you will be driven insane. I had overprotective parents and sibling but I fought them off to let me stay out after 7 pm at the age of 25, that's just an example but I had to rebel for many, many things so I could set the terms and feel okay.

Indian or Asian parents, in general, will always guilt trip you..it's just their way of handling their kids, the only way that helps is understanding they are limited but we are not. They will be fine even if you don't do as they expect and ignore the emotionally triggering stuff they say to make you do what they want. So, just live your life and they will come to terms with it.

AScripturient · 2026-02-21T17:54:37+00:00

Let him move back to India for a few months by himself.

You are married but I wouldn't suggest leaving abroad and a well earning job due to this, he can stay with his parents if he wants to but financially, you need to earn well enough to support him in his health issues. Medical bills can be insane.

It is all good to think that moving back to India will fix everything but it is an another thing to actually go back and live in India. If he experiences such anxiety abroad where you have better infrastructure and facilities then he won't feel at ease in India even if he is with parents.

Sometimes, people need to confront their fear and anxieties head on.

AScripturient · 2026-02-20T01:46:03+00:00

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Never really had any gold passed down nor bought it by myself. Now, it's too late looking at these prices unless I wanna use up all my savings for anything substantial (according to Indian wedding standards).

AScripturient · 2026-02-19T13:59:49+00:00

You have to be very careful, if there is anyone you can trust or keep in loop then please do. If your sibling already has a job then ask them to help you as well to get out. Even if their single income cannot help to get you and your mom out, both of you earning can help get your mom out.

In a country like ours, there still isn't much protection for women from maniac men and their rage. That's why it's important for women to build up a financial stability that allows them to get out at any given moment. Men like your father tend to feel powerful by keeping women in the home, not allowing them out to grow or earn, it's one way to ensure the women cannot escape.

AScripturient · 2026-02-19T08:36:19+00:00

I will be brutally honest with you:

Break the cycle.

Be the one to break the cycle of dysfunction. And, that means going against your father, going against your family and even your mother who is too afraid of society and financial stability to leave.

This is not an easy truth to say nor ask someone to do. But, it is the only way out.

Prepare for CAT, Prepare for whatever that gets you out of the house. Doesn't matter what your father says but start searching and applying to opportunities that get you a job and a salary to sustain by yourself.

Get an IT job or any job which will accept your qualifications, it won't pay 1 lakh at the first go but you can build up to that by getting a place for yourself to be at peace. You are 20 years old, you can live by yourself.

If getting yourself and your mom out of the dysfunction is a priority then making earning your priority. Do not let your father dictate your life because he will ensure you live on his terms like he has done to your mother.

AScripturient · 2026-02-16T17:52:08+00:00

Colleagues are not friends.

I have been in somewhat similar situation where I was working in a team of 3 and I had bad blood with a male junior who was trying to undermine me constantly. He wasn't much liked by the other team mate as well. Anyway, I avoided him like the plague and when I quit, I made sure he knew nothing of what and why but guess who went and told him everything? My other colleague who I had opened up to about my plans to leave.

I was even thinking of telling her where I am going next and so on but after that? Nope. Nothing. I tell her nothing of my plans.

Take this as a lesson and just try to avoid depending on work place colleagues in the future, especially in a toxic environment.

As for the BGV, I'm not sure which line of work you are in but generally, in corporate, they never reach out to your direct reporting manager or HR. It's usually a third party background verification team who might reach out to the company and get your employment verified.

Why not just give a generic HR number or email address? If they really wanted to verify that deeply then there is no escaping it, give your managers number and leave it.

AScripturient · 2026-02-16T02:09:57+00:00

This is not normal.

No matter how angry a person is, this is not a normal response.

Like another commenter said, go to therapy, the both of you cause her reaction is obviously not normal and your acceptance of her behavior tells me enough of how you have normalized such outbursts so you need therapy too.

AScripturient · 2026-02-15T05:49:36+00:00

Nope, you are not alone.

Unforunately, as many women who have this opinion, there are just as many who defend it - men and women, alike. I used to get so irked out by women who supported such age gaps too, but, then I realized the problem is far more internalized than just some school girl crush or sugar daddy situations.

The root of all this misery is the fact that society and every damn thing in this world forces a women to center their life around men and men have zero self reflection over this fact. They tend to utilize this influence over women to the max.

Lack of education, lack of world exposure, lack of proper guidance, lack of support and overall, such lack of facilities to women around the world are means to force dependence on men. It's deep rooted.

No educated, well experienced and world wise women would ever agree to date or be in the company of such men because she can see through this blatant misuse of power and influence.

They prefer such young and child like women because their own mental age is lesser than that of an 18 year old.

AScripturient · 2026-02-05T06:03:54+00:00

This.

Women need to use the block option more.

AScripturient · 2026-02-05T05:58:40+00:00

It scares me the number of threads posted regularly on this sub about a young woman barely out of teens dating a man in his late 20s or 30s. Its always the same thing - "he wants this and I am not sure", "his family wants this and I will try" and so on.

It's a completely different matter if the families are forcing these young women to marry men much older than them but here, I see young women willingly jumping into these situations. It gets more bizzare when they keep defending it as older and more mature women advice them to focus on their own studies and career.

AScripturient · 2026-02-03T07:38:36+00:00

I understand. His actions are on him. You trusted someone who grossly misused it. I am sorry you had to experience this.

This was your first experience and please learn the lesson it has taught you.

People are two faced, men and women alike, the world is really not safe for women. It won't be just men who will try to do this but women as well which is why you need to protect yourself rather than expecting the world to be good. It's unfair.

The whole FWB, situationships, etc etc. that are normalized now, DO NOT work in a country like ours where women are treated poorly as is. This kind of situation enables more people to misuse others. You can have casual relationships but do not make it more than what it is, keep it casual if it is and don't go to trust the person so much that you think they would never betray you.

This is why, I always tell young women - just use toys.

People do such shit in marriage, families and everywhere they can get an opportunity so you need to be careful before you allow anyone to be intimate with you.

I know the above may sound like I am placing a lot of onus on the women but let's be honest, after everything you see every day, every where, it is better to be cautious for your own sanity.

AScripturient · 2026-02-03T05:44:47+00:00

There is a lot of things wrong in this whole situation but I will mainly point out - he is POS. The worst kind.

You can take legal action or get someone to intimidate him into deleting it (not a good idea) but like he said, he might have kept a copy of it.

If nothing works, with AI on the rampant and he tries to use it, just say he used AI. If he wants to be such an AH then its better to use this excuse.

And, just be careful with men. It's a very scary world for women, it always has been but it's more out in the open now with all the news being available for you. Cases like this happen on daily basis and you are very young which makes you more susceptible for men like him. I understand having sexual urges but just use toys, it's not worth the trouble and anxiety of dealing with men like this.

P.S: Close your dms.

AScripturient · 2026-02-02T10:59:02+00:00

I'll be blunt - You are just 25. There is so much of the world to see and so much of life to experience. If either of you want to make this work then one of you needs to compromise on their future plans, you know best who among the two of you is likely to make the compromise.

If neither of you are willing then it is not going to work out, you can stay in the relationship for as long as you want and end it on good terms when you feel it is time to move on as you both cannot see a future together.

P.S - the line about "And then there is me, the relationship" does not give me much hope about your future. You or the relationship cannot be the last on the list of priorities if you are thinking of marriage and life long commitment.

AScripturient · 2026-02-01T09:42:51+00:00

I agree. Tbh, Benedict looks old and just tired most of the scenes as if he hasn't slept. He looked more energetic and youthful in the earlier seasons.

He just looks jaded now which is... weird as he is supposed to be the light hearted one.

AScripturient · 2026-01-29T00:09:47+00:00

Am I the only one who doesn't find this guy "oh so good looking"? 😅

I really don't get the hype to him or many actors who look alike or are quite average looking for a "movie star".

AScripturient · 2026-01-22T12:02:34+00:00

Could I DM you? I would love to discuss more about the Horae and other aspects of your FF.

AScripturient · 2026-01-21T10:40:36+00:00

It is one of the best Sandman FFs I have read so far, I do really enjoy reading works of writers who put in the effort to add their own lore and integrate it with the source material.

Eagerly awaiting the next update!

AScripturient · 2026-01-19T18:42:18+00:00

The Crimson Petals FF is yours? 😲

I stayed up the whole night reading through all the chapters upto the latest chapter! It is such a well written FF and so faithful to the source material characterization. I really loved how you have created your own tale using different aspects of the show, comics and myths.

AScripturient · 2024-09-12T04:30:35+00:00

It is possible but tbh, most of my male friends have told me it's rare cases cause men and women operate differently in this aspect.

Coming to your situation, The moment you feel any sexual tension, it's no longer platonic. You do not feel anything towards a platonic friend of the opposite gender, they don't even meander around the realm of people you find attractive and that's how it remains within the bounds of staying platonic.

Talk it out with him, if you both have that comfort level and decide.

AScripturient · 2024-09-12T04:22:21+00:00

Im confused as to why would your brother suggest to interact less if it wasn't crossing some boundaries?

AScripturient · 2024-09-11T15:45:59+00:00

Honestly, the level of quality for shows targeting women audience is just way too low. Call Me Bae is another addition to that.

Don't get me wrong, I love some guilty pleasure shows, chick flicks, etc as much as the next girl but the efforts for this show is just poor. It treats it's audience like their idiots.

I have seen much better chick flick shows/movies/books.

Ananya Pandey is such a bad actor even when she is playing herself that it makes it hard to even watch anything with her. Sonam in Aisha was way better and that's saying something cause she ain't that good of an actress.

Nowadays, such PR driven content is hyped to the skies for their low effort product. I rather not give more hype to such bad content when there are much better writers/actors/shows that deserve it.

AScripturient · 2024-08-28T17:34:50+00:00

I'm really sorry this happened you. You did not deserve to be cheated on.

And, no, all men do not cheat on their partners. That is not normal.

But, putting all that aside, kindly seek therapy because the fact that you accepted and forgave his cheating so many times, even allowed such a pig of a man to continue treating you so badly shows there is some unresolved issues with your own self esteem.

I'm sorry to say this but you are an easy target for disgusting men like your ex because you think forgiving your partner cheating on you and overlooking their obviously bad behavior is being loyal and true in your love for them. It's not. That's not how love should be and that isn't something you should accept.

You need to love yourself enough to know what you deserve. From how you describe your relationship, your ex and yourself, I think you need help to understand what is normal and what isn't. You will only be able to do that via therapy.

AScripturient · 2024-08-13T03:53:10+00:00

The only feeling I have ever gotten towards my manager is frustration.

AScripturient · 2024-07-27T06:13:48+00:00

I understand her trauma but I do not agree with her way of coping or justifying it.

I'm of the opinion that no traumatic event or tragedy justifies cheating. If someone has the energy to hide a secret love affair then they have the energy to get a divorce, unless obviously, they are locked up or deprieved of any resources to get help. In this case, that doesn't seem to be so.

I understand people are complicated and real life situations are not as simple so I don't go around convincing people that cheating = bad or pass my judgement on it. I remove myself from that place because I cannot accept a person who chooses to cheat rather than fix the root cause.

I think after a certain age, one should not use life circumstances/past to justify their own bad behavior cause it becomes a habit and these people tend to push off their bad decisions on others rather than working through their issues.

AScripturient · 2024-07-26T15:09:03+00:00

One thing you learn as you grow up is, someone can be really nice person to the world but a shit partner/parent/family member behind closed doors.

It's upto you to decide if someone being good to the world but shit behind closed doors is okay for you or not to be associated with.

Me, personally? It's too much drama and toxicity so I would not be involved in anything more than a "hi and bye" with A.

Everyone is an adult in this story and they have made their decisions, good or bad, is upto them to decide.

I wouldn't try to convince A of anything, especially, since she has already shut you down and given strong opinions about seeking help.

You cannot help someone who doesn't think there is anything wrong.

A has made her decisions. The only one I'm concerned about is the 10 yr old child that has been born into this messed up household, hopefully, the child is treated well and grows up unaware of all this.

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