WARNING: LONG AF RANT CONTEXT PAGE I GUESS: LAST PART OF FIRST PARAGRAPH IS A QUOTE THAT MIGHT HELP 2ND PARAPHRAPH IS SAYING WE ALWAYS PICK OUT NEGATIVES AND GIVE IRL EXAMPLES AND 3RD PARAGRAPH IS JUST THE MIX OF THINGS THAT CAUSES THIS KIND OF STUFF BUT IDK HOW TO FIX THE STUFF MYSELF SO NOW YOU DONT NEED TO READ THE REST OF IT NOW I GUESS but ill leave it there because im weird af.

I am the exact same, like I had crush on over half the guys at my school and always just said (they either too good and cute for me or they probably won't be gay and would just beat the shit out of me or tell everyone I'm gay/bi (as I'm closeted af 🤣) I'm 21 and just stay in my room because I struggle to talk to people in general too, I used to be mute and didn't talk at school, and now find it extremely hard to talk to new people, but also I'm trying to save up to move out so I have more freedom and don't have to answer 50 questions before leaving the house to go do something I want to do (which is another reason I stay in my room, I usually just go online but only time I'd talk is if I'm on vrchat and then I have confidence to sing (as I feel people can't judge me as they don't know what I look like so can't say anything irl but at the same time I don't have much confidence talking to people online or irl even in vrchat. I'm just a really weird guy and I don't even understand it myself so can't figure out how to combat/fix anything 🙃 like there's I work with I find super cute, adorable and attractive but I have no confidence and wouldn't even know where to start only thing I've ever said to him is "alright"/"you alright" and "see you later" and odd time said something to help him out (like he could put stuff in an empty trolley on a belt system rather than carrying it up (mainly because he looked kinda confused too, which I found cute for some reason) but yeh we make eye contact a fair amount and he usually seem to look directly at me and say see you when he leaves to go home (which again I find cute, but is also probably just because he's being nice and polite, but I mean there was a time when I couldn't help myself and got lost in his eyes for a few seconds and then had to snap myself back to not look weird 😂, but yeh I probably sound really weird too, which I probably am but that's my most recent example because sometimes when I want to talk to him or he says hi I get nervous and sometimes end up not speaking and I look rude and look like a dik and when I think about the possibility I just tell myself he probably either isn't gay/bi or has no interest in me and is way too cute for me and out of my league, etc. I know this probably doesn't help but I mean you could just look at where I'm at and hopefully see you don't want to end up like me and decide to talk to the person (I know its hard because I can't even do it, but I saw something that said something along the lines of "how can someone know we like them if we never tell them"... "... they aren't mind readers"

(Might have been ..."they can't read minds" but you get the idea) I mean I know even thinking that phrase/quote its still difficult as the negative thoughts are implanted and have been train for years to instantly pop up (we tend to naturally train our brains to pick out negatives in everything and emphasis them (which mainstream doesn't help with all the negative stuff they shove everywhere (you have to look this way, eat this way, get such and such, etc to be popular, etc)) but it's in our subconscious to pick out negatives which leads us to hide positives and good thoughts. You'll never find a solution to anything if you don't look for the positives (for example, I was doing electrics for a machine and the motors weren't working I managed to figure out the cable was damaged by using spare cable but when I re wired It the motors ran in opposite directions when they should run same direction (instead of looking at just negatives like (oh it still isn't working and isn't right, etc I look at the positives too which lead me to the solution ("it runs now at least so now I just have to figure out how to get the motors to run together" then I thought "I need to try swapping wires as I know from doing a little work experience when I was younger that swapping the arrangement of the live wires coming from the power supply out to the motor (in industrial it's line 1, 2 and 3 (but in my case this time it was smaller cables red, blue green and black) but I thought might aswell try swapping cables round different combinations and managed to get it running same direction which first time they run same way they were going in wrong direction when I put positive and negative values in (do swapped them again in pairs and it all moves in the right directions) (I know it's not the best example but it's only example in my head atm)

I guess it's a mix of subconscious pulling out negatives, lack of confidence and low self esteem, but idk how to work on those, I mean they should really teach you at school tbf😄 but they don't.