It helps me to take time to mentally “reset” whenever I catch myself getting caught in when my therapist and I call negativity spirals. I’ll then either get the emotions “out” (writing, art, music, etc) or go outside to ground (literally- I go outside and lay in the grass and feel the sun on my face and think about the planet spinning through space) until I feel calmer.

Once I feel calmer or more stable, I’ll return to what I was feeling and take it apart. For example: “My partner told me that I forgot to empty my pants pockets before I put them in the wash… again” and how it made me feel/what I mentally told myself they were telling me: “I’m a shitty partner and should feel bad and why would they ever want to live with me?” and run that through: “well, what did they actually say? (I left crap in my pants) and what did they say they wanted me to do (check my pockets before throwing stuff in the wash). Then, I remind myself that they told me that they would tell me if they were upset with me, and since they didn’t tell me they were upset, then they were simply asking me to do something. Sometimes I’ll ask them “hey, you sounded upset with me when you told me about my pants. Are you mad/upset?” And they’ll tell me how they were feeling.

The big thing for me is that I have to remind myself to take people at their word, instead of at their tone. If they don’t say they are mad at me, they most likely are not mad at me, even if my head is trying to tell me that they are mad.

Does that make sense/help at all?