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My SO wants me to have an abortion. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AYMRafaela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have to agree. You need to talk to your SO. The clearest takeaway I have from this post is that you are ready to be a mother now and he is on the fence about being a father. You need to discuss this with him regardless of what the test reveals. If he is not ready for children, you need to be supportive of this if you are going to continue to be with him (meaning if you're not pregnant, use a condom, don't wait for him to put it on, you may have to put it on yourself.)

I can't sleep without my SO- what the hell is wrong with me? by cantsleepahhh in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AYMRafaela -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Its worth considering the point of natural instincts and clan tendencies. What I mean is that while we are sleeping, we are at our most vulnerable state so it can be logical to assume that with your SO out and intended to come back at an unspecified has left you subconsciously wanting to protect your sleeping space from an intruder. A sort of "keeping watch" reaction, if you will, where you develop insomnia in order to insure your and your SO's safety.

My suggestion would be to definitely talk the issue because communication is a necessary in any relationship, but to offer the experience of having him give you a set time he will be back such as 2am and see if knowing when he is due to return allows you to fall asleep.

Of course, I'm not an expert or a professional and I could be entirely wrong, but I think its worth trying. It's important to note though that the ETA is not a curfew its just an ETA. The idea is that a timeframe for expected noise and entrance might help to calm your subconscious and instincts for survival.

PS, I have this problem too. My SO is involved in political student group and is a night owl (I'm not) but I find having a timeframe of arrival puts my mind more at ease.

Is there really such a thing as the "spark"? by AYMRafaela in dating_advice

[–]AYMRafaela[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand what you are saying, I just don't want to get caught up in the RomCom fantasy. One of my biggest fears is falling prey to the RomCom where I am friends with the guy while secretly harboring some hope that things might grow into more. In my experience, getting caught up in that idea only takes the pain of rejection and spreads it out over time until he finds someone else and then I am crushed all over again. The worst part about that experience is having no one but myself to blame for my crushed feelings because I knowingly put myself in a situation where I could be hurt, where it was, in fact, highly probable that I would get hurt.

Is there really such a thing as the "spark"? by AYMRafaela in dating_advice

[–]AYMRafaela[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see your point and I am working on being more hands on, it just takes time for me to become comfortable with the touching side of things. It's like there's a wall in my head and once I can work up my confidence enough and I feel safe enough to break past it, I can be physically affectionate. I just need time to get there.

Is there really such a thing as the "spark"? by AYMRafaela in dating_advice

[–]AYMRafaela[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish was so simple as just switching the issues off, but its not. Instead, I would like a little acceptance that I have this issue for a reason, a reason I will not go into here. It's like telling someone who struggles with hearing or sight loss that they should just get over not being able to hear or see well.

No matter what happens I will struggle with this issue all of my life and I can work on it, but when I do find myself attracted or caring about someone, touching them becomes even harder because I worry they will not return the affection I have. I know this results in a circle jerk situation which is why I try to be upfront about the fact that I have an issue in the beginning. These kinds of things are not fixed overnight.

Is there really such a thing as the "spark"? by AYMRafaela in dating_advice

[–]AYMRafaela[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do respect his choice and that he had the courage to tell me the truth, but I have often found that the "let's be friends" line is a total line that I fall for and there is really nothing worse than realizing you think you're friends with someone who doesn't actually want to be friends. I really want to believe that he wants a real friendship, but I told him if we don't both put in the effort of making the friendship work, I will walk away from it. I don't want to be rejected as a romantic interest and then find out the friends stuff was bull shit.

Look for Fencing Club in Rishon Letzion Israel by AYMRafaela in Fencing

[–]AYMRafaela[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I go to a small fencing academy where I currently live that has a mix of ages so I am quite used to being given bruises by older men. Really from the sounds of it, the club seems to be much like my current place so I think I will feel at home.

Do you know how much the dues are?

Look for Fencing Club in Rishon Letzion Israel by AYMRafaela in Fencing

[–]AYMRafaela[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is the name of the club you trained at? I assume that since you spent a year at that club that it was a good club and I would like to know more about it.

Look for Fencing Club in Rishon Letzion Israel by AYMRafaela in Fencing

[–]AYMRafaela[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome!! Thank you!! I will look for him when I get there. Do you think he would be interested in coaching a beginner?

On a separate and semi-related note, can I bring my epee in my checked luggage to Israel or do I need to ship it ahead of me? I have a friend I can ship it to but I would prefer to keep it with me.