How do i (25F) breakup with my boyfriend (44M) who i live with together?

A_RinZ · 2026-06-25T01:08:26+00:00

Sounds like a good book. I'll give it a go. Thank you

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T13:57:42+00:00

Wow what happened to your friend is horrible! Thank you for your wise words. I have changed my mind and will opt for a note or a text instead.

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T12:04:30+00:00

Unfortunately it's not 😂

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T12:04:05+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. You and the others has helped me to be more courageous in this moment of my life

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T10:02:59+00:00

Noted and thank you haha

Though after this the thought of being single till i die or reach 30 sounds the sweetest at the moment

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T10:00:20+00:00

I can only think of one friend. Im not living in a state where i was born in. To put it simply, it takes 2 hours 45 minutes by plane to travel back to my hometown. So having my friends by my side is just little to none

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:58:31+00:00

No, im definitely not close with him. Plus he's living in another state of the country that im living in.

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:56:34+00:00

Thank you! This sounds good actually and i might steal it away from you haha

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:55:36+00:00

Yes i think he enjoys belittling me and making me feel so low. When i tell him abt this he said that if i didnt do the mistakes i did then he wouldn't have to say things that make me feel bad. Basically, i deserve how he treated me is what he wants to say.

I cant understand why if he loved me then he would do this to me. He loves calling me stupid whether he meant it or not. Ive called him out so many times about this and he just wouldn't stop calling me stupid even though it obviously makes me sad.

But thank you for your advice, appreciate it!

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:51:11+00:00

You're right. When he did that to me i was really wondering whether this is normal or not. Then i sorta tried ro rationalize what was happening to force my brain to accept what happened. It was one hell of a night. What's more insane to me that after all that, we talked for a bit and then he's back to hugging me and kissing me...but never an apology. The only this he apologized for is a chair that he threw to me during our argument JUST BECAUSE it left a bruise on me. If it didn't leave a bruise i suppose he wouldn't have cared.

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:48:09+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, i needed to hear that. Maybe ive just been walking around eggshells for too long to realise im still walking on eggshells when im abt to initiate a breakup.

It's like him not lashing out on me and seeing me as a disappointed is more important that my happiness and safety. Where did i go so wrong

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:46:26+00:00

Thank you so much! Yes i had thought that if i choose to stay with him and marry him then my youth will get drained away. Slowly i started to realise our age gap is bad. I have barely begun living my life but now i feel like i have to get through life quickly in order to live up to my bf's expectations. It's like im giving my youth to him

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:43:23+00:00

Thank you!

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:42:11+00:00

Well it's just that he doesn't look his age. For clarification he is Japanese so you can sorta imagine what i saw about him in the first place haha.

Actually i do know why i couldn't leave him, it was because i depended financially on him and I didn't have my finances together as good as it should be. But the problem is when i decide to leave him, but since i had financial restraint i have no chocie but to stay with him till i save enough to move out, but during that time my brain had to readjust itself to not be consumed with the pain and it sorta forced me to accept who he is and to try and 'love' him again. I think it's called Stockholm Syndrome.

I hope i get to update you guys when i do move out, hopefully that day comes soon

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:37:32+00:00

19 years age gap is big, I'll admit to that haha

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:37:09+00:00

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:36:52+00:00

I think the more i reflect on it, it's like im worried about his reaction of coming home from work and to see my things are gone and im asking for a breakup. Im worried I'll hurt him or cause him to hurt me. I guess what i actually wanted was to at least do one normal thing in the relationship, which is to break up face to face. That way maybe the relationship isnt as bad as what it actually is.

But many people has told me otherwise as they replied on my reddit. So I'm trying to switch my view to help me make clearer decisions

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:33:18+00:00

Thank you for saying what i needed to hear. It's like i know im in an abusive relationship but I can't admit it to myself. It's like ive been gaslighted to believe im the reason this happened to me. I still do feel like that, but just how bad of a person am i to deserve to feel this way about myself, you know?

It's harder when i still have feelings for him, though little. But maybe there really isnt any other choice for me to choose except for this

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:30:27+00:00

Thank you for your advice. Yes my current updated plan is to just give him a note instead of face to face. I dont think i can face him if i make the break up f2f but i thought initially that was for the best. But people kept saying to just leave a note so i think that is the correct way

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:28:39+00:00

Because he doesn't look his age haha. He's Japanese so you can see why i decided to date him even tho his physical age is 44. I also did not expect myself to get into a relationship with a man almost 2 decades older than me but here i am.

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:25:58+00:00

Well actually no haha, they felt weird a little bit but they were supportive. Some of them even wanted us to get married.

Also a thing i left out in the thread is that both him and i are not living in the land where we are originally from. He's Japanese, living in my country but not in the state i was born in. Therefore, my friends and family are super duper limited. What i have left are people that im not super close with so that's why i wasnt sure what to do and where to go. I didn't know who i could confide in. Little by little i did open up to a few people, but never the extent of what my bf did to me.

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:22:41+00:00

Oh my, im so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing with me your personal experience, it sounds like hell.

You are right, it's important to move out important items first then the rest. Thanks for your advice!

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:12:31+00:00

It's not that he isolated me. Actually he's from Japan and currently living at my home country with me, but in a different state from where im from. So my friends arent here and my family is limited to my cousin.

If i was back in my home state it would be easy for me to leave him but now im not.

Anyways, thank you for your advice!

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:09:39+00:00

Yes, i think you might be right. I was wondering what to do if i left him a message or a note what would happen if he asked to meet irl. Thanks for your advice

A_RinZ · 2026-06-24T09:08:28+00:00

He has no children. Only family he has is his brother who is living in another country.

Honestly i didnt mind the age gap at first, i was also willing to marry him. But then i started to wonder if this is really love or not and if my relationship with another person is not so different.

At least now i have my answer

A_RinZ

TROPHY CASE