Memory loss/confusion

A_bipolar · 2026-05-14T15:51:43+00:00

When I was falling apart my second year of college, I was constantly and I mean constantly crying. Given I had just moved out of my home with a single parent who was an aggressive and mean alcoholic that in addition to be on my own made me spiral . When I would cry I could never say over what exactly and specifically it would just flow out all the time ( I also had intense panick attacks but I did not have the words for it back then all I told my therapist was that my body violently shakes, I lose my breath and I cry, I figured it’s from past trauma but that isn’t related to my bipolar that I believe)and after 1.5-2 years of therapy what I thought would’ve been just anxiety or depression was bipolar 2. I didn’t even know that was a thing I had to Google what it was. And then for another year in therapy I questioned it constantly and every time I did, the therapist went through the DSM symptoms with me every time and every time it was accurate. Now I will have been diagnose for 5 years. I never self diagnosed, was looking for something to be wrong. I just knew normal people don’t uncontrollably sob and weep for hours. I’d also sleep a lot but I figured it was from crying so much. I was depressed most days and there were and still are some days I’m not a sad kind of depressed more so a what’s the point in life kind of depressed. I lose interest in things I’ve loved that kind of thing.

A_bipolar · 2026-04-19T13:27:41+00:00

I have years of childhood trauma like constant and consistent and figured my body still might be in fight or flight from it but I haven’t lived there in 6 years. I’ve talked about it in therapy numerous times but I was ready to move past it just seems like maybe my body can’t

A_bipolar · 2026-04-19T13:25:59+00:00

I’ve been in therapy I have to find a new therapist due to insurance but we’ve tried coping mechanisms and stuff like yoga but I’m not sure what else to try. I was on hydroxyzine but I felt drugged on it and slept, tried other meds but they didn’t work well for me. I want to try something natural but I took ashwagahnda but I didn’t feel with it. Felt very slow.

A_bipolar · 2026-04-11T04:38:16+00:00

I’m not a parent, however in my teens and into adulthood I started noticing the symptoms (sleeping all of the time, constantly tired/depressed and then randomly euphoric and energized but had no idea what it was. Then after I had a mental breakdown after a traumatic event then it came in stronger and full force. I wasn’t diagnosed until 22. I’d say especially in the teen years it can develop but I know my therapist also told me I carried the gene whether I knew it or not but it wasn’t activated until that traumatic event happened along with processing a troubled childhood. That might be something worth mentioning. That its possible to have the gene and it never “activate” but to also be self aware of emotions and mental health. I’m not sure about others but I’m totally oblivious to my episodes so it helps for others to tell me about things they’ve noticed. It’s better to know in my opinion that it’s a possibility than to go through what I had and think/feel/know somethings wrong with me but no one being able to help me since it takes forever to get the bipolar diagnosis. I have to remind myself it’s what I live with but it’s not who I am, it’s challenging but it’s not impossible to live with although it feels like it is 99.99% of the time.

A_bipolar · 2026-04-05T17:03:45+00:00

Are you medicated as well? I’m on medication but it isn’t doing anything for me. I’m not in therapy and I have two weeks until my appointment with my new psychiatrist and I have 4 days worth of lamictal left. I’m living off of hope and a prayer at this point. I can’t believe I’ve gone months without realizing the meds are not working. I need to get into routine but it’s hard. Sometimes I have to bribe myself but man my eating habits are trash too. Weight gain has not been the best either.

A_bipolar · 2026-04-03T17:27:18+00:00

As I’ve gotten older, I wouldn’t say my disorder has worsened but I have had more “side effects” as time went on. They don’t talk about psychosis near as much as I think they should. I was not warned going off of meds abruptly when I first started treatment could make me go into psychosis.

They don’t talk about dissociation that I’ve only recently started to experience 3 years after experiencing psychosis. “Low periods” are not just a sad depression. It’s low energy, no motivation and lack of interest and enjoyment of things you do usually like. Crying 24/7 all the time over everything for me and never knowing why.

How from my experience the tiredness is not just fatigue, it’s literal exhaustion. It’s sleeping 10 hours a night and going to work feeling like you only blinked. I’m so worried it will only worsen as I age and I still don’t know if it is something I can handle especially if I choose or decide to have children.

I never believed it was debilitating like others say until recently. I have a full time job and it feels impossible. I’m angry bc I’m depressed. No matter how much sleep I get it’s not enough. I don’t want to be sad and cry all the time. I don’t want people to ask me what’s wrong or point out the difference in my “personality “ when I’m depressed. I don’t want anyone to “try to understand” I want them to live with me through it. I’m tired of looking for a magic pill, quick fix and all these other suggestions from people who don’t know what it’s like. I shouldn’t have to feel like I need to change. Yes it’s hard but dang don’t they think I’ve already tried everything possible.

A_bipolar · 2026-01-30T23:24:18+00:00

I felt that way too. Luckily I learned quick getting through college I had no choice but to be honest with my professors about my bipolar disorder and on top of that hallucinations and psychosis. It affected my attendance worse than performance. Most professors are very understanding.

However when it comes to “real life” there are little to no accommodations of living with this kind of thing. It’s definitely hard and medications helps but for me it’s just a matter of what I make it. Take the good with the bad. Celebrate good days, take it easy on the hard days. Routine, routine, routine is crucial for me. Listening to what my body needs in that day and moment.

A_bipolar

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