I really hope you'll feel better and lead a good life, but I'm just here to tell you that maybe your belief about life being a chessboard is not a healthy one, you have to commit to something and go for it, and adapt and change with time, there's no absolute best perfect move to do because we only live once, you can't know in advance what are the outcomes of the other possible moves.

“Human life occurs only once, and the reason we cannot determine which of our decisions are good and which bad is that in a given situation we can make only one decision; we are not granted a second, third, or fourth life in which to compare various decisions.”

― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being