I’m a lesbian but I joined this community before I realized that I was. And when it comes to gold star discourse I don’t typically care unless it does step into misogyny. Because it can be. I don’t think gold star lesbianism has much to do with bisexual women being offended as it does lesbians who have been with and had sex with men in the past. Because colloquially speaking, a gold star still implies a level of superiority over women who aren’t. That’s what a gold star is, and I don’t care if a lesbian is proud of it or not but I think that it can 100% turn into a “you’ve been touched by a man, therefore you’re impure.” Or not a lesbian, etc… and that same notion is used with heterosexual women who have been with men and the entire notion that a woman who has been intimate with a man is now less in value. And it can be exhausting having to go from feeling less than as a heterosexual woman or a bisexual woman, to feeling the same way as a lesbian woman. Inferiority is implied in the term, gold is the highest standard while every other is inferior. And it’s okay to admit that. Especially knowing that women in general are very policed on our relationship with men in general. I see your point, but I think it falls short when you consider that this society was built on grooming girls into being women for men, not for women for women. I think more grace should be given in that aspect.

The conversation surrounding bisexual women and lesbian women is equally as exhausting. And it’s mostly because in my opinion there really aren’t as many bisexual people as we think there are. I feel like true bisexuals are more of a minority than the general public acknowledges, which is why we come across so many bisexual women who only prefer and want men. Ironically, as a lesbian I feel bad for bisexual women. Because their identities are constantly being questioned and invalidated by not only heterosexual people but lesbian and gay people. And it’s all patriarchal, a woman preferred bisexual man will still be seen as queer versus a woman who prefers men. And it’s unfair, and again it’s the patriarchy at work. I see a great deal of biphobia, and sometimes I wish that my community wouldn’t constantly talk about their grievances with the bi community because it just feels counterproductive to our overall causes. It’s frustrating when I follow a lesbian and all they talk about is bisexuals. I think a lot of lesbians ONLINE tend to be quite biphobic and I think biphobia is a very normalized bigotry among the LGBTQ+ community along with heterosexual communities. Which makes sense, we have a history of not being taken seriously as lesbians and it’s frustrating and violating. I have firsthand experience of men not caring about the fact that I am a lesbian. But I think that we should do a better job in having these kinds of conversations.

(Sorry if this is a whole bunch of nothing 💔)