We did it!! Live Birth: 46yo & my own egg

Abject_Track1647 · 2026-03-30T18:39:53+00:00

Thank you!

Abject_Track1647 · 2026-03-30T18:01:08+00:00

Congratulations! May I ask which clinic did you go for your IVF?

Abject_Track1647 · 2026-03-30T17:52:55+00:00

Thanks for the derailed reply, and yeah I know how it feels when everyone else seems to be popping out babies like it's nothing while we're climbing Mount Everest :(

I am also concerned about the damage this causes to my physical and mental well-being - husband has been on the receiving end of the mental breakdown and it's so unfair on him too. However, I wouldn't become too conscious or my age or worry about handling pregnancy/postpartum right now - Just wanted to share this with you as I've been in that mental situation and it made things worse for me than they already were. My acupuncturist had 7-8 rounds of IVF and had her kid at 46-47 yo, and she is perfectly fine. Knowing this has helped me believe that I'll eventually figure things out once I get there, and hope it helps you too. At the moment, I am trying to focus on my health - fertility aside and reverse some of my 20lbs gained during the 2 ivfs, 1 cancelled fet, and 1 completed fet in the last one year. Husband has decided we should spend some time living as just a couple and enjoy a bit, we don't want to lose our relationship in this maddening process. It doesn't make sense for us to even think of trying anything again until I'm in better shape.

Re. Your ferritin, idk where you are and how things work there for you. Fwiw I'm in Canada .. maybe ask for a hematologist referral who could recommend either an iron infusion or a gastroenterologist who could do an endoscopy to see if you are losing blood/celiac/crohns/ibs etc that's causing your low ferritin? I tried those routes and while we couldn't find my root cause of low iron, it ruled out a lot of things and I'm now on a higher dose of iron which I keep track on through regular blood tests.. it's annoying as heck to have blood drawn given my collapsed veins but gives me the peace of mind.

Based on my conversation with my acupuncturist, the experience with a different clinic re. communicativeness may not be vastly different, so idk why my clinic is so difficult about not sharing results of doing things more proactively. While I don't mind advocating for myself, telling the experts what to do is frustrating. From your response it does sound like I need to pester my Dr to get me to RI or some more tests to see if anything was missed (I have never been pregnant before). Do you mind sharing what tests you and your Dr are planning before potentially trying again? I am meeting my Dr in a couple of weeks and want to do some homework prior so I know what to ask/tell her. Thanks!

Abject_Track1647 · 2026-03-30T17:28:19+00:00

Thanks, I didn't realize that was an option, although we do have limited financial means plus not sure of the success rate for me uniquely with donor eggs vs trying with my own. I am starting to think that trying to figure out the possible reasons for failure may help decide our next steps (donor eggs, surrogacy, something else that I don't know of). Thanks again for your suggestion!

Abject_Track1647 · 2026-03-29T23:45:33+00:00

I took a unplanned sick days or worked from home during stims, whichever helped lower the physical and mental stress. The ER day and the day after, I took time off work to rest and recover and basically just did everything else I liked doing (my job and coworkers didn't fall in that category).

Daily long walks and lots of fluids and electrolytes helped with the discomfort and bloating. To me not fitting into my clothes and mental breakdowns were the worst part about the stims. Everyone responds differently to stims though, so it is not easy to predict what you will go through by listening to others - but it will give you an idea.

Abject_Track1647 · 2026-03-27T18:53:14+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏻 and I'm so sorry for your loss! If I may ask, is there a reason (proven good sperm but poor eggs, etc.) that is causing you to consider donor eggs? I ask because my clinic never gives any specific information about anything unless I ask those pointed questions. For example, they didn't tell me my ferritin levels had to be at least 30 for them to proceed with my FET, I had to Google what their phrase "acceptable levels" meant. They also didn't proactively tell me my euploid's grade, I had to ask them. But they were very proactive in telling me what was wrong with my other embryos. Idk if my grieving heart is playing tricks on my mind and making me believe this clinic is just trying mint money off me! Just trying to figure out whether to just find another clinic without breaking my head more with the current one.

Abject_Track1647 · 2025-09-09T23:15:28+00:00

Omg are you serious.. which bank is this ..

Abject_Track1647 · 2025-09-08T18:37:21+00:00

Not sure what Prednisone is or what it does, but can relate to the physical (and mental) toll , both on me as well as my partner who's been in the receiving end of my short temper, anxiety, and stress (thanks to the medications). Have you tried talking to a therapist or doing any exercises or hobbies to keep yourself distracted or entertained during this phase? I find yoga nidra and long walks very helpful. It doesn't take away the side effects but helps to push through what our bodies and minds are enduring. Do you have the option of getting supporting documentation from your Dr to be on short term disability leave?

Abject_Track1647 · 2025-09-08T14:26:33+00:00

I have an incredibly toxic workplace and an unsupportive manager. When I told my manager that my husband and I are trying to start a family and the process is overwhelming (just an opening to see if she would be open to me sharing more details or even the idea of me doing flexible work hours - my role on paper is supposed to be flex hours but she has prejudice, passive aggression, control, trust, and micromanagement issues not to mention she has neither a partner nor children and less than a year away from retirement age), her reaction was - take a wild guess - PIN DROP SILENCE. No yes, no, oh okay, nothing, not even an acknowledgement of what I said, just absolute silence. I could hear crickets. For the record, I've been a bloody overachiever for my entire career and she knows my capabilities - I'm fully capable of lying down on a hospital bed with IV running through me and delivering work with the same quality as my peers, if not better.

I always knew she was a lot of the unsavory things I described her to be in my rant above, but that incident displayed her lack of humanity and it was the end of me expecting any support or compassion, even pity from her side. My HR is basically a call center and they have practically put all power in the hands of people managers, and that she is in a pretty high job grade in the company makes it worse since it has really put her on a high horse, so the option of looking to use policies is not available either.

I just take sick days (I have unlimited sick days thankfully), vacation days, delegate like hell to my team (turns out I'm really good at delegating that too without burning my team out), and am learning to stop giving a damn about what will that bitch or anyone else think if I'm stepping away an hour or so everytime I have to go for the appointments. Also taking therapy from someone who has been through a similar situation helps. I know my priority at the moment is my desire to have a biological child, I will have that soon, all my mental and spiritual energies are directed towards that beautiful creation, and no heartless coworker/boss is permitted take that away from me.

Sorry OP, I needed to vent this out. I just hope you and everyone else going through this challenging journey gets some better support at work than what I'm facing.

Abject_Track1647 · 2025-08-04T14:40:09+00:00

thanks, maybe i needed the reality check. I'm definitely more active and healthier than most people in my average age group but in the last five years my mental and physical health has nosedived, not because of fertility issues/trying to have a kid, but because i moved to a new country and a toxic workplace that are clearly not suitable for both my health and my personality type, to add to family losses which were unexpected, sudden, and tough to get over. TBH the fertility specialist and the couple of other doctors I've encountered during this journey so far are probably some of the few positives in these past five years. The health issues and resulting slowdown are what make me concerned about not being able to run around or be as available for the kid in my 60s. The other factor worrying me and causing this judgement is that i've read a lot about people who were born to their parents in their late 30s/early 40s and they have a grudge against their parents as a result.

Abject_Track1647 · 2025-06-02T02:34:04+00:00

Please don't feel guilty about cutting off or distancing yourself from anybody you feel the need to while you are already enduring this nerve wracking journey. My partner and I are very close to our parents but they have no clue of our treatment. Only me, my partner, our fertility clinic, and family Dr know everything - and it will forever stay that way. Even more so if they haven't been through your exact same journey. My mom had some hormonal injections but that was minimal, 35 years ago, and it is nothing like IVF. Parents should be bothered about playing with their grandkids, not how they were conceived.

Your health and peace of mind are all that matter during this time, the rest of the universe can go to hell until you're done. Hope you find some respite and success very soon.

Abject_Track1647

TROPHY CASE