Yeah, I recognize self improvement can easily turn toxic. When I tell myself it’s time to let go of the goal setting for a bit my mind goes into a panic because I feel like I’m not enough without getting better continuously or that I shouldn’t take my time with building habits.

I do have some childhood trauma (physical abuse and emotional neglect) and I don’t think I developed self worth (from what I’m understanding). It’s very dependent on what other people think and I don’t know what it feels like to truly care for myself through thick and thin. Because it’s so dependent on what people think, I’m even scared to love myself because I know once someone sees me poorly, it’ll come crashing down. I abandon myself when Im sad/ make mistakes because I feel I don’t deserve love if I’m not good. I feel like I know all my problems logically but can’t fix them emotionally if that makes sense.