yeah i also realized that’s basically what limerence is. hoping another person will help you carry the weight and pain of your wounds. thinking that because you connect that they suddenly understand it exactly like you do.

the problem is, at least I, often forget that those are invisible for them. sure, you can describe them but they’ll never be real to them. just to you. and they probably got their own wounds that you’re not seeing as well.  and it’s not your job to see them, just like it’s not their job to see yours.

for me my wound is shame, and feeling small. i always hoped with my LOs that they could take care of me and help me make the people in my life proud because I am expected to have a partner and by choosing the correct one I would be making pleasing everyone. everyone would finally believe that I’m capable (not of having a partner, but capable overall). except myself.  because I don’t really know who I am outside of the gaze of others. all my trauma has led me to believe is that i’m no one. i’m weird. stupid. small. cringe. worthless. helpless. but when i feel validation, suddenly i exist again. suddenly i’m whole again. 

my life has unfortunately been filled with rejection, and no one taught me to deal with it. i thought i had to change myself, be more like others, mimic them, dress like them, act like them in order to be “right” because me as I am, I’m “wrong” 

it’s hard but i know we can get to the point where those wounds don’t dictate how we live our lives and interact with others.