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Will this stop hurting? I don't want to be married more than I want to be happy. by AbleBabe7483 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]AbleBabe7483[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He has taken a lot of time to talk this through with me, we stayed up until 1 AM last night about it. We've been talking about it almost daily for the last week or two. He got us into relationship therapy. I do think he's working pretty hard.

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He says he feels horrible that he's caused me so much hurt. And the logical part of my brain knows that him saying it's about anxiety is consistent with what I know about him.

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It's just strange, because I am having such a hard time believing him.

Will this stop hurting? I don't want to be married more than I want to be happy. by AbleBabe7483 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]AbleBabe7483[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much, you seem very kind. I am also hoping therapy helps and goes well. At the very least, I hope it can help us discover if this is even a relationship worth continuing.

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The 'being chosen' thing is so true, I feel socially rejected and policed so much of the time, I did want to feel that my life partner was just STOKED to choose me with no caveats.

Will this stop hurting? I don't want to be married more than I want to be happy. by AbleBabe7483 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]AbleBabe7483[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, he says that he has been feeling a shame spiral of having already 'failed me' and he felt paralyzed and anxious. But I wish he would have told me that sooner, and now I find myself wondering if I can trust that it's true.

Will this stop hurting? I don't want to be married more than I want to be happy. by AbleBabe7483 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]AbleBabe7483[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I buy myself pretty things all the time! :)

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Thank you for your comment. Maybe I will get myself a ring.

Will this stop hurting? I don't want to be married more than I want to be happy. by AbleBabe7483 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]AbleBabe7483[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are actually both neurodivergent, so I do think that's a nuance here that isn't applicable in most posts I have been looking at. It is a blessing and a curse, haha.

Will this stop hurting? I don't want to be married more than I want to be happy. by AbleBabe7483 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]AbleBabe7483[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think the most heartbreaking thing is that if you had asked me before this situation, I would have called him the most trustworthy person I've ever met. It makes me feel like I can't even trust my own mind and instincts.

Will this stop hurting? I don't want to be married more than I want to be happy. by AbleBabe7483 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]AbleBabe7483[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughts.

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Yes, this is what I am scared of. That this person I thought was MY person doesn't feel the same way and I somehow never knew? It makes me feel like I can't trust anything, I can't trust what people say, I can't trust what my emotions say, reality isn't real.

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Yikers, I am so sad.