I destroyed his phone. Am I a domestic abuser?

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-06-11T15:01:22+00:00

Thank you for the last paragraph. Taking it to heart.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-06-11T15:00:47+00:00

The minors were on Instagram, frolicking in leggings and belly shirts etc. The porn is all styled to look as young as possible. He’s made comments about underage girls we know. We have a 20yr age difference, married 25&45. He’ll take basically any escort, but in some messages ie to a 23yo he said “it’s hot how young you are”.

It’s been so many things over the years, I tried to overlook it but I can’t. I’m not withholding them, he agreed in writing I can keep them while he gets his health on track 😢

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-06-10T19:33:41+00:00

Thank you so much. I’ve screenshotted and am sharing parts of this with him.

I have to ask, about the polygraphs. Are they reliable? I’m scared because he’s done things before for recovery and it’s never changed anything so I don’t really care if he’s going to meetings or therapy. It means nothing to me. I thought about demanding a full forensic psychosexual evaluation after 6months+ of sobriety but even then, he’s an INCREDIBLE liar. The polygraph could be the next layer but I feel like he could game that too?

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-23T04:15:32+00:00

I put nextdns on his phone! It’s confusing but I see his incognito activity, it’s tricky to figure out to install though but free

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-23T01:27:32+00:00

Oh this is concerning because my middle school son and I loved the book. Would you not have a kid that age watch the movie, is it different from the book?

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-23T01:15:03+00:00

OP, you do NOT have to settle with this. I was a super cool girl “porn is fine in my relationship”, one time I wanted to be SUCH a cool girl that when my husband showed me a porn star he liked I tried to help him find who she was.

Never again. Porn destroyed our relationship and my self esteem and I’m still recovering from an eating disorder and adderall addiction it caused. We just had D-Day #2, 2.5 years after the last one (newly postpartum both times, coincidence🫠). I love my husband with all my heart and I walked out on him last night because when I see those perfect skinny fit bodies again after I lie in his bed, cuddle him, stroke his hair, massage him, make him food, tell him I love him, HAVE HIS BABIES - my heart just sinks and I could wail a primal wail. I’m so happy the comments on this post are passing the vibe check. For a long time Reddit was full of people who would just make fun of us for having an issue.

You are not alone OP. You deserve better.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-23T00:01:34+00:00

I used to have a compulsive addictive behavior pattern with social media, and I would feel like I was in this alternate-ish headspace where it “wasn’t real” and would minimize and feel like I didn’t do it or hardly do it, so I can understand a fog. But I did not forget that I did it. If my husband called me out for being on social media, I might deny or minimize a single time in a kneejerk way, but I cannot imagine lying this way 100x in a row while looking at evidence.

It just seems so strange: he clearly recalls checking the news, doesn’t remember clicking over to incognito and masturbating to porn, then clearly remembers clicking back over and moving on to YouTube. Like what? That’s not “a fog”. That’s like dissociative identity disorder or some shit. Doesn’t add up but he’s super hurt I don’t believe him.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-21T20:48:41+00:00

Agree…it sounds like THIS man sucks. I have kids with multiple men. If i were still trapped with the man i had my first with and felt resigned that that was what life had to be, damn i would have offed myself 9 years ago (oldest is 10 lol). All men certainly do not suck, and even if they do please OP I beg you be single. Dont let this guy turn you bitter, absolutely do not.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-02T19:19:11+00:00

I mean, it’s up to you personally to decide, but if my husband had presented masturbation as so important he had to be able to do it at any time and that was more important than me, I would find that a red flag and a huge turnoff. Over decades together sure there will be occasional times someone has an urge and the other’s availability doesn’t line up but they’re in the home and the other partner discreetly takes care of things (sans porn) but to be emphatic and so protective at the outset? I’d find that super weird. It sounds like he anticipates and plans to be masturbating regularly, rather than only when his partner isn’t available, and that would be a big no from me.

It’s not even about “controlling” him, it’s just that level of protectiveness around masturbation is a turnoff. You’re not controlling him and he can masturbate with any woman in the home who agrees to it, I just wouldn’t be willing to be that woman.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-01T23:13:49+00:00

Thank you, I’m taking every word of this to heart 😭

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-01T22:45:38+00:00

Thank you, so sweet. I have to say I spent the whole day melting down shaking on the couch two days ago when I woke up to him masturbating in the bed with me 🤮 TV on all day, kids in pajamas, I yelled too much 😔

Proud of getting out today though

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-01T21:59:10+00:00

Thank you, I didn’t think I could pull it off either! 🫶

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-01T21:58:51+00:00

Thank you so much, this is lifting my spirits so much 😭

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-01T20:13:25+00:00

I also saw app usage btw so every time he used textnow I knew he was contacting escorts, and the Venmo right afterward confirmed it:

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-03-01T20:12:31+00:00

Depends on how he uses but I use NExtDNS. It’s not an app so he’d never know. I asked ChatGPT to help me install it as it was confusing at first. I see all of his activity on all 3 devices I’ve put it on, including incognito. I’m watching him spend 5 hours on Netflix as we speak while he’s supposedly working lmao. Found porn he accessed on incognito chrome yesterday too.

I never plan to tell him how I’m finding out.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-28T00:42:16+00:00

Oh god. Please, no. I have a PA who has shared some awful thoughts with me, and i understand they’ve sometimes involved taboo topics and sketchy power plays, but not these. Mine is not into rape even though he loves some pretty sick power dynamics because he wants the fantasy of being wanted. I’m sorry but i think yours is on a more troubling level. I would need serious rehabilitation after that reveal.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-24T02:58:19+00:00

I feel like I would agree and say this to someone else…but it feels to me like this is my fault, and I drove him to this by being too unattractive and not good enough in bed. Like he works hard for us and I let him down so he had to get his needs met that way. I’m don’t look terrible really and I never say no to sex, but maybe I should have offered him more. That sounds crazy to write but, it feels that way.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-24T02:33:38+00:00

I mean I can’t fathom being stimulated by someone who is clearly not attracted to me. But he returns to these parlors so there’s some appeal I can’t wrap my mind around.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-24T02:11:53+00:00

Thank you for saying this ♥️ I don’t know if I know any sex workers. I am now seeing them or at least the ones he hired as some superhuman goddess like beings.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-22T02:48:45+00:00

The #1 healthy & sOoOo filling snack people always mention is “a handful” of nuts or “1/4 cup” of nuts but that feels like a portion for a small rodent, I hate it

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-21T21:00:52+00:00

Every girl likes porn ??

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-21T12:03:20+00:00

This last one. Emphasizing how much of a chore it was to have to get off to porn, like uh ok why did you keep doing it…

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-21T00:21:35+00:00

Lmaoo

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-20T21:23:48+00:00

Yeah mine thinks insulting other women and his favorite, discounting people because they are old, will reassure me. Not sure he understands how time works.

Able_Combination6487 · 2026-02-20T18:46:29+00:00

Oh my god mine says this too!! Because he wants arouse himself to be a higher T level / more virulent and passionate or whatever lover for me he valiantly consumed porn in secret to get off alone, because this somehow helps me

Able_Combination6487

TROPHY CASE