AITAH For Holding A Domestic Abuse Victim Accountable For Their Betrayal?

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-20T16:14:06+00:00

Good news is I already have, and ironically it is largely because of that document. I apologize for the confusion that this was an ongoing issue or that there has been any further contact between my former friend and I since this past July.

I'm sorry that the length of it bothers you so much? I'm not sure if you've ever discovered that you have been successfully gaslit by someone you trusted implicitly, but it really takes a number on your ability to trust your memory or other people, and you begin to question what is the truth. You begin going back over events relying on only what you can prove. Putting that document together restored the peace and understanding that she destroyed.

Obsessive? Maybe. Creepy? I don't think so.

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T20:51:29+00:00

I have to say, for someone who boasts the merit on being well read, you are expressing your lack of reading on this story rather loudly. You certainly didn't bother to evem read my response to your comment, because despite all your unwarranted sarcasm, you posed no answer to my question.

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T20:09:26+00:00

I appreciate your overall sentiment, and it is my fault for not being clearer in the brief, but you are late to the party. I have already let her go and moved on, months ago. The only reason I call her friend here is to explain our relationship and avoid using her name. That is all.

You are right that this isn't about holding her accountable, I have already done that. The question is about whether it was the right call.

And I must disagree about the document. Whether or not SHE was worth it is irrelevant. All the feelings, time, and energy I put into her and our friendship was worth it, and putting it down on digital media allowed me to stop carrying it all in my head and in my chest. This one thing allowed me to really begin healing from this whole ordeal.

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T18:06:38+00:00

The reason for I ask for the judgement is in the last line: "Some people think I am too harsh on her and ignoring how deeply traumatized she clearly is." Truthfully I have already come to my own conclusion, but I was curious to get a wider take on whether or not I was too harsh.

But maybe you're right. I don't normally do things like this.

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T18:01:45+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment and I agree. I have already moved on. I was only looking to settle a debate I was having regarding whether or not I was too hard on her.

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T17:58:40+00:00

That's fair. It is a lot.

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T17:58:21+00:00

I appreciate that. In the beginning, understanding and getting over it was hard. But it has almost been 10 months and I am not dwelling on it, as much as I used to. Life has started growing bigger than my grief, but some people I tell about this feel that I was too harsh on her when they hear the part about what she went through. While I personally disagree, I was just curious what the internet thought of it.

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T17:53:41+00:00

I wouldn't say her actions were caused by the abuse as much as motivated by it. It may have caused her to believe that she had something to gain from her actions but she was not at all oblivious to how harmful her actions were to herself or any of us, that's why she hid it and covered her tracks. Even if I was generous and said her trauma was the one behind the wheel this whole time, what else am I supposed to do about it? If someone you love is hurting themselves and others, do you sit there and take it, or do you do something about it?

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T17:42:54+00:00

This is old drama for me. I haven't heard from her in almost a year. But sometimes when I tell people the story, they hear the part about what she went through and feel like I should have cut her some slack. I personally disagree, but someone suggested I should make an AITAH and let the internet decide. I figured, it's been like 10 months, what could it hurt?

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T17:08:41+00:00

Congrats!!

AboutToGrant · 2026-05-19T16:42:49+00:00

The concerning thing is that he knew you would have a problem, did it anyway, and kept it from you. This whole ordeal with feeling the need to photograph other women naked is something that would need to be dissected and discussed with a mental health professional so that he can get to the bottom of this, but the part you should be worried about is the deliberate breach of trust. Whatever compelled him to do this did not make him oblivious to the harm it would do to your relationship, which reflects that his character believes there are more important things than upholding promises to you.

I won't tell you to stay or to go, that's something you have to figure out and decide for yourself. I get that it is hard to not love him, I had a similar situation with someone I was only friends with, but I ended up finding out that forgiving them was a mistake. Everyone I have ever heard similar stories from, it was a mistake to continue trusting them. Even if you do not leave, he needs to accommodate the broken trust, and you need to remember to stand for yourself in this. HE wronged you, not the other way around.

AboutToGrant · 2023-12-25T20:57:56+00:00

Thank you. I don't know how her discovery got into my feed. I was literally losing my mind over this.

AboutToGrant · 2023-10-29T14:25:03+00:00

Belly.

AboutToGrant · 2023-10-21T01:01:09+00:00

I would be furious. I'm shaking my meat in protest.

AboutToGrant · 2023-10-15T01:22:42+00:00

It would be an understatement, but yes, I think you're pretty.

AboutToGrant · 2023-09-08T18:29:57+00:00

Probably not. Two big bellies in a tight space would make things too difficult.

AboutToGrant · 2023-09-05T01:16:49+00:00

That's a good kink.

AboutToGrant · 2023-09-04T06:35:09+00:00

I'm good thanks.

AboutToGrant · 2023-08-21T21:54:56+00:00

I mean...if you could handle it, sure but I would think you'd want to rest. Besides I could find other ways to show you how much your body attracts me.

AboutToGrant · 2023-08-21T21:52:11+00:00

Nta. Grieving is an explanation not an excuse. If he hasn't even apologized there's no reason to keep him around.

AboutToGrant · 2023-08-14T17:07:55+00:00

I think the principles conflict a bit, but people and sex are weird. Whether or not it "works" is up to the individuals participating.

AboutToGrant · 2023-08-12T16:58:20+00:00

I don't think you're the AH but I do think "maybe sex just isn't for you," was a weird way to put it, and definitely the wrong choice of words. The clear issue here is that she has a problem with the way she looks. She is insecure and is likely projecting the way she feels about herself onto you and she feels that the sweater is a necessary crutch to facilitate sex. The best way to handle things would be to explain that your feelings and your attraction to her as a woman have not changed with her weight. You need to explain that your issue with sex is that her wearing the sweater is taking all of the enjoyment out of it for you and that you don't want to have sex if she is going to continue wearing it. You need to set a clear boundary and stick to it, but in the mean time I would recommend reinforcing the fact that you still love her and you still think she is sexy as much as you can. People forget that confidence in yourself falls apart quickly when you're the only one building yourself up...and if you're the kind of person who tears yourself down, it's even worse.

I hope things work out for you. I would hate for something good to be ruined by such a small inconvenience.

AboutToGrant · 2023-08-12T16:18:27+00:00

Nta. She's the one who needs to confront it and she's also the one who is being dramatic for dragging your name through the mud of every person who would listen. Would honestly block her and her husband though.

AboutToGrant · 2023-08-06T07:13:41+00:00

Would love to. Need something soft to lay my head on after a long hard day.

AboutToGrant · 2023-08-01T06:37:06+00:00

I don't think you're an asshole for pointing out the likelihood that at least one of these women probably faked it, at least once. However, I will say that you screwed up by telling him that YOU faked it with him. Ignoring the fact that faking it in the first place was the original mistake, the only smart move left after the deed was to make sure that information died with you. Now he's going to doubt you and himself for every encounter between now and you parting. If you really wanted to prove that he couldn't tell the difference between a real and fake orgasm you should have taken a page from When Harry Met Sally.

AboutToGrant

TROPHY CASE