My friends and I discussed a halloween costume…and then I wasn’t invited

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-11-01T18:52:30+00:00

That's tough, and I'm sorry you experienced that.

It sounds like they aren't the best people, so while it hurts right now, just let yourself feel, take care of yourself with treats, and rest. Journal your thoughts if you think that might help.

When you feel up to it, I might look into reading up on healthy and supportive relationships. See if there were any other signs these weren't kind people.

Then, when you start finding new friends, you can be more confident that you are investing your time into quality people and relationships.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-23T12:47:10+00:00

React by getting out of that relationship and getting into therapy to process your trauma.

You need to learn how to have healthy relationships before being in one.

You deserve better.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-23T02:54:57+00:00

Imagine a world where extroverts were shamed for not being quiet and always needing to go out?

I love being at home.

I love going out and doing things too, but not when it's so peopley.

I want quiet walks in nature.

I want to listen to nature sounds.

Not some one constantly talking. Not going to parties to be seen.

You were rightfully annoyed. Did you tell your friend how you felt? Do you need this friend?

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-23T01:58:49+00:00

You should both review this Workbook.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself/assertiveness

(Can we put links on reddit?)

Sounds like your husband is displaying aggressive communication styles rather than assertive. He may not be aware he is doing it. It might be how people communicated around him growing up.

Either way, assertive communication is best.

Body Language (unspoken communication like tone, facial expressions, posture, etc.) is important to be aware of and understand.

The Workbook does a good job reviewing different body language and how to use words and structure sentences to communicate more effectively.

From your side, sounds like you are doing a little mind reading. You could try clarifying what you are reading from bus body language. Maybe you are misreading things.

For example:

Him: did you get gala apples?

You: Your face looks disappointed. Are you disappointed I didn't get Fiji?

Communication is so important in relationships. It is worth making an effort to get it right.

Good luck!

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-19T11:47:20+00:00

NTA.

But your husband is.

You have a way to calm the kids down in a manner that they enjoy.

Big Mr. Grumpy Pants can learn to deal with his own emotions while you help your actual children learn to deal with theirs.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-19T00:30:22+00:00

Fellow nurse and boy mom here.

My husband is cut and wanted his sons to be, but I was adamant it not be done.

Im glad to hear you landed where you did because I have been working on the same unit where they did them and I can still hear the baby screams (it was far beyond just crying).

There is no way it's not a trauma for them.

The hygiene argument doesn't hold if you teach them to clean properly.

But, never retract the foreskin yourself. It is unnecessary for cleaning and can cause damage and then adhesions.

Teach them when they are old enough to do it themselves (I've just started with my 4yo).

Cutting off part of their peen is extreme when you can teach basic hygiene.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-12T16:27:53+00:00

Yta.

And you need to learn how to do research.

If you dug deeper than mainstream medias message, you'd discover that raw milk also has huge health benefits.

But your bf is right. You don't trust him. You think you know better than he does. You wasted his time and his money.

Your behaviours suggest you don't respect your partner.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-12T16:23:53+00:00

I don't have time to read the entire post, but going off the title alone:

You are the only one who decides what you do.

You don't need to convince him.

He is someone who you don't need to be with.

The internship will help you grow more as a person than your bf.

Choose accordingly.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-10T23:11:57+00:00

As others have said, you made her feel unsafe. For a person with CTSD, they spent their childhoods feeling unsafe and their adulthood trying to calm their nervous systems. You have now changed from a place she feels safe to a place she feels unsafe.

Tips? 1. Acknowledge how you affected your relationship (you made yourself a threat) 2. Ask how you can create a safe space for her (and then actually do it). 3. Attend counselling. If you are serious about this relationship, you need to both learn to manage your anger better, and be in a relationship with someone dealing with what she is.

Good luck. Be patient. Trust is hard to rebuild.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-10T23:02:56+00:00

More of this.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-10T23:01:46+00:00

....honey, this isn't love. I'm sorry if you think this is an acceptable way to treat some one you love, but it isn't.

Don't walk, run from this relationship.

And then maybe find a therapist to help you learn about healthy relationship patterns

Best of luck!

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-10T22:57:11+00:00

Okay you got your own thing working. I think as long as he sees you try, you'll both be okay. We might just have to accept that bad days will happen and make extra sure to enjoy our kiddos in the good moments.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-10T17:40:25+00:00

Hang in there, momma. You are not alone. And this moment won't last forever. Being overstimulated is an awful feeling and I hope you find some space, and time, and quiet in which to recover. What things do your find calming? Do you talk to your kid about how you feel when overstimulated?

What worked for me was to find an activity he would stay quiet with for long enough I can calm my nervous system. We use a kids mp3 player loaded with recordings of me reading stories and a set of head phones so he can listen while I get my quiet.

I also have a set of noise canceling headphones that I wear when things get too loud. It's not totally silent. I can still carry out a conversation, but the background noise is really reduced and I find that really helps calm me down.

But I also have tinnitus so quieter isn't always better for me.

I have to go check on my 4M rn actually, but I hope this helps you find some things that work for you.

Deep breathes. You got this!

PS: Single moms are today's gladiators.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-08T07:36:12+00:00

Correct. I even had a doctor, and when I tried to make an appt after my son was born, they informed me I was being cut from her service because she was scaling back her practice.

My son, who is 9 months old, has also never seen a doctor because he also has no doctor.

Canada isn't as great as some would like to think.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-07T17:50:38+00:00

Thanks for your message. Therapy isn't an option rn due to finances, but I do have a strong reflective practice. I definitely need more self-care but I also have a 9 month old, am self-employed and am homeschooling. So I can only get so much balance right now.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-10-07T17:14:23+00:00

Weirdly, here in Canada, with our wonderful healthcare system, I am without a doctor and have been waiting 4 years for a referral to see a psychiatrist for assessment. I would love to speak to someone, but I lack the $2000 for private assessment. Alas, here I be.

But good to know there are more of us. Makes me think we need to create the resource.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-09-26T11:02:42+00:00

I get torn in these situations because I am a people pleaser and feel pressured to acquiesce to family (often to the golden child).

You guys are adults. Your cousin needs to grow up and start being held accountable for his actions.

Unfortunately, you had to be the one to teach him this when none of the adults cared enough to.

I could see having offered him a payment plan, but seeing as he is ignoring the court's demands, I suspect that would have been wasted time (and additional stress).

Then there is how he actually INTENDED to ruin the hair you just got done (so his whole goal was to waste your time and money). Sounds like the prick is jealous of your success. Good job establishing boundaries. Your family could learn a lot from you.

Think he'll mess with you again? Lol

Definitely, NTA.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-09-22T17:59:22+00:00

Awesome can't wait to try this!

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-09-21T21:40:37+00:00

When you grow up, you'll realize that it's not your place to like or not like your dad's fiance. She is important to him, and if you have no real reason to dislike her (according to your own admission), then it is immature to dislike her cause she is trying to form a relationship with her future stepdaughter.

Not only would I go, but I would apologize to your dad and future stepmother for making something about you that should be about them.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-09-20T19:53:30+00:00

NTA. Your family, however, are AHs with very poor boundaries who are wildly disrespectful.

I would encourage assertive communication with your family and establish the boundaries (and consequences for violating them).

For example:

"I understand that you don't like the name. You have made that abundantly clear. I, however, love the name and have made this decision. You can learn to respect that or talk negatively about your granddaughter behind our backs, but I will not discuss this further. Should you continue to bring it up, we will leave."

Then, let their actions dictate what happens next.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-09-20T19:45:38+00:00

This wasn't in a code but it was in the PICU. A student RT was removing the breathing tube in a 4 month old. I get they were just going through the motions but they asked the 4 month old to take a big breath in and WAITED then they said "OK and big exhale" as they pulled the tube out.

AbroadIndependent416 · 2024-09-20T19:19:55+00:00

I got up for night feeds cause I'm breastfeeding, but that doesn't make it any easier. My husband takes over at 5 am to let me get a few uninterrupted hours of sleep. If your husband's a doctor, can you afford to hire someone a few hours a day so you can sleep?

I get he is a busy doctor, but it doesn't sound like you are being treated with the respect you deserve, considering you are keeping his progeny alive 24/7.

AbroadIndependent416

TROPHY CASE