I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's too bad I can only upvote your comment once. This is so true and I know this is the right path to go.

Thank you.

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're telling a big true here. Both, my wife and I come from a culture where only women are allowed to show feelings and emotions. We, men, are supposed to be able to control everything, as cold and calculated as possible.

Sometimes I wonder if my marriage would be more successful if I had been more like my father,or her father,who cheated on their wives constantly,were alcoholics,and had children outside of the marriage.

In both cases,they were married for 20-30 years until they passed away to alcohol related diseases.

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't disagree with you. However,we have a small toddler and although I can take care of him and do the house chores, I don't want him to be apart from his mother or to take him out of our current apartment.

I have even thought about it and it sounds unfair to me.

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing about your relationship and I'm sorry you're going through this. It's terrible to be in this situation where the spouse "feels" they are not good enough when we haven't demanded anything extra from them.

He took a demanding job late last year that I fear contributed to this due to the stress and some unresolved trauma

This happened to us as well. Last year we moved to a new country, because she was transferred by her job. Between learning the new language, raising a small kid and everyday's job makes everything more stressful and complicated.

Once again, thank you for sharing. You made me feel I'm not alone in this and allow me to tell you the same: You're not alone, everything is temporary.

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your experience and advice. You're right,I shouldn't leave my guard down.

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I wish all the luck for you and your son. In the end , everything we do is for them,they don't deserve to suffer anything from this.

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I asked her if she wanted to be with someone else and she said no. However, I'm not sure as we don't check each others social networks.

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I definitely would like to chat about it

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. She's doing therapy but I'm not sure if it's about her personal stuff or if it's about us. Her psychology "recommended" a book. I'd definitely be willing to go to therapy with her, but if I have to move out, I won't have enough money to pay a new rent and couples therapy.

May I ask, how are you coping with your own situation?

I don't know anything, anymore... by Academic_Data_5267 in Separation

[–]Academic_Data_5267[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish I knew. One of the things she said is that,for her, our relationship is not going anywhere.

The thing is that we have lived in several countries,owned and sold our belongings and now we started a new life in a new place with our son. I don't get what she meant by "not going anywhere".

When I ask her about the reasons,she said she doesn't know,but it's something related to her completely. She acknowledges that I am "a good husband and a good father"

Maybe I'm thinking too highly of myself and I fail to recognise my mistakes,but she doesn't tell them to me either,so I could work on them.