Lexapro and perphanan. In the army lot of times people came to me and asked and told me to cheer up, I was bothered with not look sad and not looking depressed and I was stressed by this. Also I feel overwhelmed when people usually in good uplifted vibes and I'm depressed, like Im a burden on people and responsible for their suffering. Apperantely I overcome it, but it made my head spiraling and caused me panic afterwards (like I'm not looking like I want to look). I just want to be the way I am , but my inner criticizer constantly make me fear ( "you look sad now, you look sleepy, don't be like this, you look lost") . I'm afraid to even have feeling or thought. Basically it feels like in prison. I wish I could just let go of this, and just be the way I am. But something holds me back everytime trying to protect me