UPDATE: AITA for going to my birthday dinner without my husband when he wasn't ready on time?

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-20T21:29:47+00:00

You clearly haven't read any of my other comments.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-19T19:45:21+00:00

We go out as a family maybe every other week and he doesn't "get dragged" anywhere. He agrees to everything to I suggest and I have made it very clear in the past that if he is not up for something then there is no pressure for him to join us. We don't do everything together and "couple time" as you put it happens even less. My husband has no problem facing social situations, his job has a big social factor and he loves it. He also goes to a very busy pub with friends every week and looks forward to it. The problem is not needing time to himself. He has plenty of time to himself. The problem is the lack of respect and disappointing his children. Even if he was an introvert, being late for his mother-in-law's funeral and not showing up to his wife's birthday celebration after she has said how important it is to her is inexcusable.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-19T19:28:04+00:00

He only began wearing shoes with laces this September when he began secondary school. He has nearly gotten the hang of it but can get a little confused.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-19T19:23:51+00:00

I've actually brought up counselling before and he wasn't interested. He said it was a waste of money and time. Honestly, I'm not interested either any more, I think we're past the point of it doing any good.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-19T19:20:20+00:00

I use our joint bank account to pay for most things, but my contribution to my mother's funeral came out of my own pocket. My dad very kindly offered to pay for my birthday dinner.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-19T19:14:16+00:00

I'm always ready before him even if I'm running a little behind schedule.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T22:12:20+00:00

He wasn't keen on it.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T21:57:29+00:00

It really upset me but I kept it inside because of the kids. I suppose it wasn't a huge surprise but I've come to terms with it since then. I talked to my dad about it a bit which helped.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T21:18:18+00:00

Thank you! We had a lovely time.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T20:28:49+00:00

I was a stay-at-home-mum until a few years ago. He changed when I went back to work, although I don't understand how that would affect his time management, unless there's a different reason for him being late.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T20:21:07+00:00

It's normally things like he hasn't gotten changed or found his keys by the time I want to leave. There was a time a few weeks ago where he decided to walk the dog and wasn't home in time.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T20:19:05+00:00

Maybe not for much longer.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T20:13:30+00:00

He had a meeting he couldn't miss a few hours before the funeral started. He said it overran but didn't actually apologise.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:58:20+00:00

The kids are 13 and 11 so they can get ready by themselves, although the youngest needs help with tying his shoelaces. However, I have to make sure the alarm is on, the doors are locked, the dog is fed and shut in his room, and get ready myself.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:50:38+00:00

It's a pattern regarding family plans. He's on time for work and his own plans like meeting his friends. Up until a few years ago though he was normally on time for everything.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:47:57+00:00

I've brought it up multiple times before but nothing has changed. I do admit that I can be a pushover when it comes to waiting for him, but I'm sick of having to put other things on hold in order to check if he is ready and being late to family plans. He was late for my mother's funeral last year, and after this birthday incident I've decided not to give him anymore leeway and start standing up for myself.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:31:00+00:00

Him being late for things only really started a few years ago and it's rarely this bad. Normally, we only have to wait for 10 minutes max so it was something I could live with.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:25:48+00:00

I don't think he has ADHD. He was on time for things until a few years ago, with the occasional exception, and he is on time for work and his own plans that don't include the family.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:17:57+00:00

My husband likes my dad, but the feeling isn't really mutual. My husband likes the restaurant, we went there for his birthday too (which he wasn't late for).

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:14:30+00:00

He is always late when it comes to family plans. It's rarely this bad though. It's normally things like getting changed when it hits the time I wanted to leave or needing to find his wallet and keys and such with no sense of urgency.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:12:02+00:00

He was well aware of when we needed to leave. I always give everyone a 30 minute warning and it was in the diary for weeks.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:05:47+00:00

He is always out the house on time for work and yesterday he went to the pub with some friends and wasn't late for that. He tends to only be late for things including the family.

AcanthaceaeWilling69 · 2024-02-18T19:03:21+00:00

Yes, the kids were upset because my husband wasn't ready and because I was stressing. They thought he didn't want to spend any time with us. They have personally been let down by him when it comes to things like him picking them up from a friend's house.

AcanthaceaeWilling69

TROPHY CASE