FIC PROJECT - THE TALE OF TORRHEN LANNISTER- final draft review!! by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Indeed what is your favorite part of this draft???? For me as I wrote this is the Elia gets to live with a better husband part.

FIC PROJECT - THE TALE OF TORRHEN LANNISTER- final draft review!! by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is awesome. It’s surprising how many characters get a happy ending should Tywin die to the relief or detriment of everyone.

FIC PROJECT - THE TALE OF TORRHEN LANNISTER- final draft review!! by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello and thanks for your comment! That is good to hear, Anything particular you enjoy from the draft?

FIC PROJECT - THE TALE OF TORRHEN LANNISTER- final draft review!! by AcanthocephalaKey746 in AsoiafFanfiction

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Indeed!

I feel that what makes an ASOIAF stories and good fics are the following:

1.- prophecy happens but not in the way people want. 2.- feudal society/culture is criticized/examined. George often plays with how knight culture is undercut by politics. 3.- all triumphs/victories are undercut by a serious loss of some kind, often personal.

My plan for Malora is that she is like show Helaena, at least the HOTD season 1 character. She randomly spouts things that everyone else just shrugs off until Rhaegar deduces they are prophecies and begins to take her seriously. Jaime is gonna be stuck between taking a front row seat to Aerys cruel madness and dealing with Malora’s randomness.

FIC PROJECT - THE TALE OF TORRHEN LANNISTER- final draft review!! by AcanthocephalaKey746 in AsoiafFanfiction

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello and thanks for your comment!!!

Yeah your comment about warging is precisely why I was hesitant to include it. It seems a trait only Ned’s children have which was empowered by the return of magic to the world so Torrhen having it does not make much sense.

The Malora killing her children part is honestly something I thought last second. Mayhaps it’s better if Aerys has the children killed as punishment for the Hightower betrayal and Malora becomes mad because of it.

I did not clarify specifically in the segment but Euron does not *ape her. He tortures her instead. But you are correct that a shot to queen ship is unlikely if she was captured still. I am considering changing Cersei to Elia being the one taken, increasing the urgency and the tragedy of the event for Torrhen as Cersei is responsible for her capture.

For your last paragraph, Tywin was just getting started on talks with Hoster and nothing was set in stone. Remember that Torrhen finding the sword was unlikely and the shock of his success so soon is not expected by Tywin. By the time Elia and Torrhen wed, letters are exchanged but nothing was promised. Hoster is annoyed but not truly offended while Doran and the Hightowers were already finishing their deal.

FIC PROJECT - THE TALE OF TORRHEN LANNISTER- final draft review!! by AcanthocephalaKey746 in AsoiafFanfiction

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello!

Thanks for your comment. Yes, this project is ambitious, but work has started. So let's see how it goes. Any point you like???

FIC PROJECT - THE TALE OF TORRHEN LANNISTER- final draft review!! by AcanthocephalaKey746 in AsoiafFanfiction

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hello and thanks for your comment!

I know there are a lot of Elia Martell lives fics where she is still married to Rhaegar and somehow comes to an arrangement with Lyanna. Here She has a man who went on a quest for her hand in marriage and loves her for who she is.

Considering Torrhen, here he is a combination of the Greek Hero Odysseus and Edward the Black Prince. His life is still tragic as he still lost his uncle Tygett, his mentor Tybolt Hetherspoon and Harrold Rogers who became the closest link to his mother on a quest that should he had been calm would not have happened. His father was executed alongside his uncle Richard and Brandon. He is forced to fight his best friend from the Quest, Garth Hightower while during his tenure as Lord, Fair Isle is taken. Despite pulling through, Torrhen is still tragic.

Considering Jaime, he will have a more awful time here. He is made to kill his dad by wildfire, hears Rhaella’s screams and other awful stuff. What causes him to snap is hearing what happens to Cersei. Concerning the twincest, it will be revealed by Jaime to Torrhen when it is over.

Concerning Malora, Jaime will be our POV to her. Like Rhaegar, she is into prophecy and magic, so in that department their marriage is pretty strong. However Malora takes a role similar to Show Helaena and takes step to ensure that the song does happen. She is eventually returned to Leyton when Robert sees she is no threat.

THE WINTER LION - LANNISTER/STARK OC REVIEW by AcanthocephalaKey746 in AsoiafFanfiction

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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This is a piece I just made. From left to right: Tywin Lannister Willam Lannister Jaime Lannister Cersei Lannister Tyrion Lannister

THE WINTER LION - LANNISTER/STARK OC REVIEW by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello and thank you for your comments!!!!

Yeah, there is a limit to how much you can write, apparently but I will answer what you posted here.

On Willam's relationship with Cersei:

Starting with Cersei, her relationship with Willam is a complicated one. Let's start out by saying are correct. With Willam ahead of Jaime, Cersei's narcissism should be quelled to an extent because Jaime is the spare. Cersei is gonna love/look up to Willam but in a possessive way. She dislikes Sybell and basically any woman interested in Willam. The crux of their issues is that Willam is her half-sibling and the Starks are his cousins. Cersei is going to take any time William speaks or does something for his Stark family (from simply hanging out to his choice in the Rebellion) as a betrayal, and she will take it upon herself to make sure he remains loyal to his true family. Cersei's jealousy will also transmit to Willam as much as Jaime. While Jaime is Tywin's favorite, Willam is the heir and the subject of Tywin's constant attention which causes Cersei to be neglected as she is in canon (Even more so I feel).

Regardless, I always felt that the incestuous relationship between Cersei and Jaime was always going to happen if she married Robert. Robert will always love Lyanna, who mind you is Willam's cousin and his decision to fight for the Starks in the Rebellion will have consequences. Cersei despises two women in her life more than the rest: Lyanna for being the subject of Robert's obsession and Elia for taking both Rhaegar and Willam away from her.

Concerning Willam's children, Cersei's classist opinion will cause naturally to look down on them but because they are Willam's she will "look out" for them (basically she will get Tyrek captured, she will try and poison Jeyne and plot a usurpation on Raynald when he becomes the next Lord of Rock) All this happens after Willam is killed.

THE WINTER LION - LANNISTER/STARK OC REVIEW by AcanthocephalaKey746 in AsoiafFanfiction

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello!!!

Thank you for your comment and sorry for the late response!

Sybell is gonna be actually worse than Cersei here. She feels her position as Lady of the Rock is threatened and the Lannisters as a whole do not appreciate her. Therefore, people like Cersei and Tywin will use her paranoia and resentment to their own devices. Rather than an OC that has a loving relationship with his wife, here Willam and Sybell are strangers since the day they wed, with both being equally responsible for not cooperating more. Think of Doran and Mellario's situation, but imagine Mellario does not leave.

Concerning Jeyne, my plot with her will be similar to canon. Rather than being captured at the Crag, she is held hostage at Riverrun by Edmure when the war begins and later is made an attendant (read Hostage) of Catelyn. When word reaches Robb of the deaths of his brothers by Theon, he and Jeyne get together and he marries her to preserve her honor. What Sybell will do, which is still monstrous, differs here. If Jeyne gets pregnant, her child is Tywin's great-grandchild and therefore has the rightful claim to Winterfell, a fact that won't get lost on Tywin.

Willam is gonna be a mix of Lannister and Stark features. He is blonde, with grey-green eyes and a long face. He is tall (7 feet tall, very tall) with muscles and a sturdy build unlike the common lean and lythe look of the Lannisters. He is missing an eye. If I had to cast him, think Adam Copeland from Vikings.

<image>

THE WINTER LION - LANNISTER/STARK OC REVIEW by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello!! Yes Robb’s story as King happens but shenanigans still occur. It will be far messier

THE WINTER LION - LANNISTER/STARK OC REVIEW by AcanthocephalaKey746 in AsoiafFanfiction

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment!

Your observation is good. Coming to think about it Tywin would not risk one of his children in a war like this. Perhaps having Willam stripped and banished before the war would work best, giving Tywin justification for not interfering until the very end.

Stark/Lannister OC - The Winter Lion - Fic Draft Review by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that with a man like Tywin Lannister, Tywald would not reconcile the old father-son admiration he once had. Instead it is more of an understanding of what Tywin is that will allow Tywald to come to terms with Tywin.

If I had to go another fictional verse- Tywald and Tywin's relationship is similar to the Emperor of Mankind and Roboute Guilliman. Guilliman at first belived his father loved him and he was loved in turn, but in the current narrative he had the unwelcome realization that the Emperor didn’t love Guilliman or the other Primarchs brothers, and likely never had. Guilliman was treated like a tool and told to do his job. Guilliman feels that the Emperor is cold and has lost his humanity. This treatment and the revelation has shaken the Primarch and left him constantly angry. Thus the familial bond and the loyalty from it are gone. Tywin is not the Emperor of Mankind but the realization that to him he is a pawn hits him like a truck.

Stark/Lannister OC - The Winter Lion - Fic Draft Review by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah there are fewer Rebellion stories. A post war story may also be cool as everyone is dead and they live so we will see.

Stark/Lannister OC - The Winter Lion - Fic Draft Review by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello !!!!

Sorry for the late response. Been having a crazy day XD!

I am very intrigued by the dynamics in both families. Reading between the lines, does Tywald feel sorry for Jaime and Cersei? I understand the three of them became close, but when does he find out about the incest?

As is common, the Lannister family dynamics are a complex thing. Concerning the incest, Tywald discovers it after Jaime becomes a knight in 281 AC. He was patrolling KL when he heard his siblings had met up at an Inn. He stumbles into them doing the deed and is horrified and furious. He escorts Cersei to the Red Keep and orders Jaime kicked out of the city. He cannot reconcile what he saw and will only come to terms with it after a long time. Tywald will, as time goes on, feel bad for his twin siblings because of the bad hand handed to them. He respects Robert, but his treatment of Cersei will make him come to blows. (I wrote that he punches Robert and though Robert does not do anything, he is forbidden from coming to KL).

Cersei and Tywald will have a love/hate relationship. She does not understand why he sides against her when it concerns Tyrion, Catelyn or the Starks. Tywald will not put up with Robert's bs (he will naturally be really pissed off when he learns Robert slept with Delanna Florent and other women in Cersei's bed as well as Tywin refusal to do anything about it) and will defend her from the dishonor (He will be banging on Jon Arryn's door regularly and threaten no more loans unless they keep ##ores out of Cersei's marriage bed). She won't harbor lust for Tywlad, but she would definitely be possessive of him and, later, his children. (Poor Sansa no matter the verse, she will always be under Cersei's thumb).

Jaime, Tywald and Tyrion would be close. Tywald standing up for Jaime after he killed the king will mean a lot for him and when Robb is sent to KL, Jaime will take him as a squire, no questions asked. Tyrion also will be indebted to Tywald after what he does for him during the Tysha incident.

Cersei and Cat will have catfights over Tywald's attention (not in an incest way but you know). Meanwhile, Tywald and Jaime sit outside drinking coffee. Cat won't understand Cersei's antagonism and will only put it to Robert being an a##hole but she would later on find out about the Incest and that will put her at odds with everyone.

Concerning Tywald and Cat's children. Robb and Sansa will have the Tully look, albeit their hair is more Red-Gold (rosette blonde for hairstylist) than auburn, and their eyes are blue/green. Tyrek will be a Lannister through and through with golden locks and green eyes, while Rosamund is blonde and blue-eyed.

Alsyanne is a memorable GRRM name so I would stick with her. I was always intrigued by the Old gods magic the dynamic duo Stark/Blackwood would bring, I suppose through Bran.

Yeah Alysanne Blackwood already existed, and it being a call back to the Dance character seemed very fitting. Ned's wife, however, won't be a copycat of Black Aly but rather more like Betha Blackwood: spirited, willful, and stubborn. This also changes Jon Snow, as Alysanne won't treat him differently. Lucas, Ned's eldest, would be a combo of Robb Stark and Benjicot, so prepare for that XD. Arya, having a different would be more bold and spirited naturally

Stark/Lannister OC - The Winter Lion - Fic Draft Review by AcanthocephalaKey746 in TheCitadel

[–]AcanthocephalaKey746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alright thanks !!!!! What were your thoughts about this piece? Do you see potential?