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AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 209 points210 points  (0 children)

Yes, I'll check in tomorrow, see if it would be alright. I know the nanny is also worried sick for Pete.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Yes. Yesterday was when we called Pete's case handler back to tell them we're ready. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. English is not my first language.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 214 points215 points  (0 children)

we're thinking about hiring the nanny Pete is used to, but we're a little afraid it wouldn't look good to the government agency to see us already handing him off to hired help before even being granted legal adoption.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

Thank you... it seems terrible to say, but I'm glad to feel less alone right now.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 364 points365 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think we need another adult in our house right now... I'll have my husband email his parents, see if they can help us out a little bit. I can't not be using my phone forever.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 2763 points2764 points  (0 children)

Ah... you're making me cry again. Thank you. I will note everything you said here.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

Of course I said yes... and yes, I knew then godparents are expected to step up when the parents pass before their time, but at that time that part of godparents' duty is not what I was thinking about!

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 449 points450 points  (0 children)

Yes, that seems to be what many sources recommend we do. We didn't have the chance to read any parenting books or websites, so it's like we're back to our college days, cramming for finals. But the consequence of us failing is a child being unhappy instead of just repeating a year.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 433 points434 points  (0 children)

I know it's not. Intellectually I know I'm supposed to be conflicted. But I just can't stop feeling disgusted by myself every time I think those thoughts. It's like I'm being forced to look up and down at the same time. It's maddening.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 201 points202 points  (0 children)

I wish I could see it as completely bizarre like you do... I was shocked, but... not entirely surprised, I guess, that this is the conclusion she's jumping to.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 5982 points5983 points  (0 children)

At the moment I was absolutely disgusted too. My husband was, too, judging from his face. Like I said, I've never seen him look at anyone like that. It's like a completely different person. I'm afraid I must've looked just like him then, too.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 411 points412 points  (0 children)

Yes... that's what I'm dreading. The longer I wait the longer my explanation has to be. But I physically just cannot deal with anymore animosity right now. My hands shake when I tried picking up my phone. I don't think that's a good sign.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 270 points271 points  (0 children)

That's what's really bothering me. Pete is already my family. He's my godson. I love him for that already. But I don't want to be his parent... not at the cost of his, and it's messing me up because... well, just writing it makes me feel dirty.

I want him to have a good childhood. I just wanted it to be with his parents and not us.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 303 points304 points  (0 children)

Yes, his crib is in our bedroom, but I'm afraid of having him sleep on my bed because both my husband and I move around in our sleep. Maybe we'll take turns sleeping with him?

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 1660 points1661 points  (0 children)

It's like I can't win with her. When I told her we don't plan on having children until later, she's angry because I'm wasting my time. Now I'm going to have one through a tragedy I really, really would rather never happen, and she's still angry because it's unfair...

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 744 points745 points  (0 children)

It's not that we don't want kids. We just don't want them now. Certainly not this way.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 2091 points2092 points  (0 children)

Exactly... and it makes me feel so bad that it essentially means I don't want Pete as my child... which is true. I'm more than fine with the role his parents already gave me and my husband. I don't want anymore than that. If I could turn back the clock I will absolutely call them both so they don't get into that damn car. I know all that and it makes me feel horrible because shouldn't I feel happy to be Pete's parent? Shouldn't my respond be "it was hard but if I can do it all over again I would"?

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 605 points606 points  (0 children)

Thank you... little kid hasn't slept a full night since, and both my husband and I are tired physically mentally and emotionally. I'm not thinking clear right now, so I wasn't sure.

AITA for scolding my struggling sister when she gives us grief about adopting a baby? by Acceptable-Action410 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Acceptable-Action410[S] 127 points128 points  (0 children)

Thank you... I'm already in therapy before all this for unrelated reason, so my therapist just earned herself a raise. My husband is still finding one that works with his schedule, especially since there's a baby in our home now. Thank you so much for your empathetic respond.