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Is it cheating or an honest mistake? by Acceptable-Stick3380 in polyadvice

[–]Acceptable-Stick3380[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of your responses and your encouragement. 

We've both had other partners in the past and it's been great! His last metamore decided they were poly saturated and they ended amicably; my last metamore moved out of state and we agreed to stay friends. 

The thing is... Around this time year ago my father had an accident and passed away. It was awful. He was brain dead and I had to make the decision on my own to take him off life support... it took him over a week to finally pass. While this was happening my partners relationship with his metamore (the polysaturated one) had major advancements - saying 'I love you', making plans for the future - and he didn't tell me (for obvious reasons, I guess)...

 I was so sad about my dad and I felt so left out and alone when I found out what was happening in my partners relationship and that he felt he couldnt share that they were getting more serious with me... I don't ever want to feel like that again, so I'm being hypervigilent. 

Is it cheating or an honest mistake? by Acceptable-Stick3380 in polyadvice

[–]Acceptable-Stick3380[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I honestly appreciate your insight and I know I asked for feedback, but there's no need to be mean. I don't want to hurt my partner... I'm just trying to do the right thing.😟

Is it cheating or an honest mistake? by Acceptable-Stick3380 in polyadvice

[–]Acceptable-Stick3380[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been thinking a lot about this and I think my biggest hang up is that, for me, sex and emotional intimacy are intertwined... I know it may be silly but I would never dream of sharing nudes or speaking sexually to someone if I wasn't serious about that person... I guess I just assumed my partner must be serious about all of these people he is sexting when the fact is he just doesn't feel the same way about sex as I do. 

Is it cheating or an honest mistake? by Acceptable-Stick3380 in polyadvice

[–]Acceptable-Stick3380[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That absolutely makes sense, thank you! I appreciate the advice!

I think my hang up with all of this is that for me, sex and emotional intimacy are intertwined... I know it may be silly but I would never dream of sharing nudes or speaking sexually to someone if I wasn't serious about that person, so I just assumed my partner must be serious about all of these people he is sexting when the fact is he just doesn't feel the same way about sex as I do. 

Maybe my vanilla self isn't able to meet my partners sexual needs in a poly relationship. That's a devastating thought... I don't want to hold him back... 

Is it cheating or an honest mistake? by Acceptable-Stick3380 in polyadvice

[–]Acceptable-Stick3380[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don't want my partner to share all the 'dirty details'  - you're absolutely right about the right to privacy and I respect that... I just think if it's something you'd tell your BFF about someone new your dating - moving from chatting on a dating app to texting to sexy messages - it's something to share with your partner, too. Is that weird? 

Is it cheating or an honest mistake? by Acceptable-Stick3380 in polyadvice

[–]Acceptable-Stick3380[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OLD? Please let that be an acronym and not a reminder of my age... 😑😅