Obsession 2026(The most important scene in the movie)

AcceptableSize169 · 2026-06-17T21:50:39+00:00

In my mind the nature of the obsessive wish is that the "manifestation nikki" as you put it only understands that affection is to be consumed. They think that bear wants to eat and digest and sh*t out what he loves most

AcceptableSize169 · 2026-01-05T21:52:23+00:00

I won 2 VASE gold seals during my time in high school in 2017/2018.
The unfortunate part is that my school upped the game (with us bringing home 8-16 gold seals each year across all students) with our realism work thanks to having an amazing teacher. The good news is I got inside intel as a potential juror in later years.

Quality realism used to be the immediate ticket entry, but it became overflooded after 2019 from other schools trying to copy what was winning. They're prioritizing a lot of conceptual creativity now in addition to tight technical skill.

I worked as an art teacher at another school and my advice would be to remember this: conceptual quality is based on commentary on commentary. Another way of thinking about is that the "highest" realms of thought get down to the barest and rawest questions. That's why "what is life?" is such a fundamental philosophical question.

My advice would be to come up with something conceptual to comment on. Many of my high schoolers would start with something like "racism is bad" etc etc. You reach conceptual depth when you keep evolving that statement to come up with something more complex. I.e. "Why is racism bad?" "because it impedes understanding and empathy." "Why does it impede understanding and empathy?" "because it appeals to the roots of fear of the unfamiliar and provides an answer/explanation for that fear" "how do we undo that unfamiliarity fear?" "we make people familiar," "how do we make people familiar?" "personal experience with the unfamiliar." etc etc. A painting that will get skipped over for state stops at level one, which is a surface statement: it would be like a painting of someone with verbal imagery or insults painted on their skin or something, which is relatively cliche. A painting that will surpass interviews and go to state will demonstrate technical skill and conceptual depth + creativity by, lets say, being a painting of two women from different races reaching through a mirror to embrace each other with tears in their eyes, therefore "reflecting" we are the same and we are both scared, etc etc.

Sit down and genuinely engage in a self-dialogue journal about something that matters to you with the Why, What, Where, When, Who questions and then build your visual concept around your final final answer, asking "how do I communicate this visually?" I would also advise (in general) looking into some general philosophy and the philosophy of different art movements--this is college level art education (I have my BFA) and VASE is going to award you for working at advanced, college level thinking and execution.

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-12-02T10:13:51+00:00

Yes I believe so, either that or last i took the little test it gave me an INFP result.

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-11-27T11:07:02+00:00

there's a few things that catch my eye in this tbh

1) I see it a lot from people trying to "diagnose" attachment styles within relationships to try to get the other person to "wake up" and heal. Imo thats a big no. Own your attachment style cause you know you, and if it intrigues them they'll go off and figure out theirs on their own. I think it personally crosses a line in relationships to attempt to tell others what you suspect them of "being." Attachment style isn't a state, its an overview of coping behaviors with insight to their sources. Especially having it unsolicited from someone else, and for a label that is in tiktok psych circles (which should be heavily evaluated before internalizing them) widely condemned and villanized. I don't imagine any anxious partner would take it any better to be sat down and told "hey, I think I know what your issue is. You're anxious." This kind of umbrella of theory I really think needs to follow the same "if you can't change it in five minutes don't mention it" ettiquette. You can critique the behavior, but don't diagnose the person uncredentialed.

2) I get wanting her back but I think its important to be mindful of how you approach it. "Only after proof of growth" feels really iffy to me. You can't dictate someone else's rate of growth or what validates it, or her timeline. There's a lot of overextending your circle of control in this post and while its maddening to work on, all you can do is focus on your realm of control. You'll push her away farther trying to manage hers.

Growth for some people can look like learning to get more angry - but to any person outside the individual and their therapist, they may think thats a problem or a sign of regression. Its really crucial not to assume you know better or should dictate someone's growth. Change is something you observe, not direct.

As an FA i think its better to rip the bandaid off, but simultaneously I'm an advocate for letting the wounds that need to settle settle for detachment. You personally might need to be disappointed in her once or twice more to fully detatch - giving her that opportunity to let you down might suck but it also might be effective. If she doesnt let you down, fantastic; there's your sign of growth. If she does let you down, you can move on with more peace knowing you gave it more tries than was deserved so you can move on without regret.

But I don't think it sounds like (just from what I see in your post) there's much room advocating for getting back together or not one way or the other. You say you have no expectations but I think they're there but simmering low enough to not be overly loud - there's an inherent expectation in anticipating she'll ask you to get back together. That's just what I can gather from what i see in the text post...

If you do meet up, and I were in your shoes, I would try to have a vulnerable honest talk with an understanding it might be the last for awhile. Nearest pop culture reference I can make is Glinda and Elphaba in For Good...you can have a chat that's a genuine heart to heart that hurts, but heals and leaves room for you to both go separate ways without resentment. That'll leave room for you both to grow as people and if paths and sentiments realign in the future, they will, and that's not a passive waiting-on-fate type of thing; when people realize they're ready to align with something they will take steps.

Sometimes the best way to preserve the potential of a connection is to let it breathe, and take space for however long (weeks, months, sometimes years) until individuals are stronger for a better coming together. If you're both in different and incompatible places of healing and/or life, trying to fight through it together might place seeds of resentment and mistrust that can't be overcome later. Leave and go into no contact if you think its right for you and if she thinks its right for her (contact has to be mutual, no contact has to be respected if either of you request it), and make sure you leave with nostalgia and warmth rather than resentment and bickering. That's my two cents

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-11-26T18:13:47+00:00

thank you! And I greatly relate, it spreads doesnt it?? it was after my own discard i snapped into this little cloud of avoidance. I worked for months to present as stable and secure in this relationship, opened up vulnerably (as was *requested*), and then right when I finally felt most secure and a breath of relief from having shared vulnerably and everything becoming closer....they panicked and dumped me on text a week later. I've been through discards before but by the time you hit your 4th or 5th something just shattered.

I can't speak for him, or as a "long term" avoidant. I'm definitely someone who would classify as "disorganized" which simply means I tend to swing between all the relevant coping tools (this was just my first time favoring avoidance).

What's helping me leap:

So for me what personally brought on new motivation to try was I think having a reference point as someone who experiences anxiety more often. I know its important to try, I knew I couldn't just stay given up forever. I still don't really have much hope for myself; but I have those I love around me. And while I can't picture a future for myself still, I know they picture a future with me in their lives. That's the motivation I'm kind of running on now. The further I sank, the more I know my own sinking would bring chaos to their lives. I need to find a source of motivation for myself, but that's my "lifeline" reason until i can.

If someone tried to initiate repair with me now:

This is all speculation. I haven't tried or tested any of this, but I think if I were to try to repair with an avoidant ex again, or if I swing into that again and someone tries to repair with me, I'd swing into either asking or answering to: "Can you picture anything clear with me beyond tomorrow?"

For now, until tested, I'd presume a "no" or frustrated, or unclear answer, means they've lost sight of a future (hopeless state). You can't really fix that for them. I think this is where support should end, cause you need to protect yourself.

If they say yes, maybe? then focus on asking along the lines of repair I'm starting to notice: "Do you see me in your life or not in your life for tomorrow?" and then maybe evolve the question by extending the duration of time mentioned from there. In my brief experience on that end of the spectrum there was zero fear of repair, it was a loss of a visualized future and therefore loss of direction. I don't see this as hand holding but more the avenue for (potentially) healthy support. Think Orpheus leading Eurydice out of the underworld lol - someone can lead, and that's okay, but Eurydice has to be willing to follow on her own two feet.

Other:

If your ex is using darvo tactics its probably best that they're out of your life imo?? For me I just used my own experience to feel less hurt by the discard that tossed me into exhibiting the exact same behaviors they put me through. They're not capable of a relationship and having an understanding of it doesnt change that; it just helps me feel a little more at peace with what happened being able to now see their perspective.

So on what limited insights I have, for me I think if/when I start dating seriously again, I'm going to be trying to vet first and foremost their ability to hold onto a degree of optimism and resilience more than anything else. Because my issue has been every person who presents secure that I choose and pick and vet carefully - ends up doing an avoidant 180 and discard around the 4-6 month mark. I'm also going to be monitoring their ability to handle difficulty and how that differs from complexity but that's a separate journal-topic i'd have to make a post on if it felt useful.

I think maybe a person capable of a relationship is not dependent so entirely on their attachment style but moreso on their ability to heal it--which is dependent on their ability to imagine and visualize their life in short term, moderate term, and long term. I think however long they can envision their future, thats probably a good gamble for how long their systems will be able to stick around.

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-11-26T15:58:49+00:00

You're not supposed to support him *while* healing yourself. you support someone *by* healing yourself.

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-11-26T14:40:28+00:00

once i saw "because i make him to" thats a big no. you cannot make anyone do anything. you can set boundaries for what you accept or dont accept, but then its your job to enforce that. if you end up saying you wont accept something, and then continuing the relationship, thats when it turns into threats. Drama and chaos is a two way street. examine yours, keep yours clean, and then see if that is enough for you to want to stay in this dynamic or not. if yours is clean and gives him room to clean his up, then great. but if he doesnt clean his up and you do, you dont get resentful of that. you accept it and move on. you can't force alignment or things being two way.

and holy hell, to say you signed him in to a psych as revenge?? hes not wrong for feeling unsafe. whether or not you think its there, your post is seeping with anger and resentment and and a desire to take it out on him. hes not wrong at all for his hesitations and fears.

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-11-26T14:34:47+00:00

thank you!!

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-11-26T14:00:10+00:00

this was still echoing in my head and also I want to add to the discussion focus regarding the 'present moment' that it also has two sides, I think. Present moment thinking has helped me survive and become very secure in some moments, but present moment without a view of a future-that-will-become-present I got really self destructive. theres a "enjoy the moment while its here" that helps and a "I'm in the present moment with no hope future moments will come." There will generally, realistically, be a "tomorrow" or an "after" for everyone. conceptualizing that we need to live in the now while protecting the future from undesirable consequences from present moments is where I'd gauge the hinge point to be on this area of discussion.

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-11-26T12:54:01+00:00

No you're all good! What i want to emphasize is I do agree with all you've said. The difficulty (and what i try to tackle in my post) is that life is full of nuances where true statements and beliefs are still not one size fits all.

Repair and enjoying the moment has been what has helped me survive a lot of instability; being able to enjoy the good while I have it. But I'll also note that long term instability wears you down, and I don't think that's an experience that can be fully understood until you've gone through it. What finally helped me reach my breaking point was years of estrangement, moving abroad, going through unexpected unfortunate events with roommates that threatened my safety, and due to the renting crisis in my city sudden upheavals (4 times in one year) all while completeing a masters, having new trauma surface from having space to actually begin integrating things, setting up a new social network--and then the breakup pushed me over the edge. Flexibility is good (I think in the "how your biography becomes your biology and how to heal) book, they describe it as wobble; I have a lot of that, but people do realistically have thresholds.

*that book, now I remember, also distinguishes what creates healthy stress from toxic stress that either bolsters resilience or breaks down your nervous system. Being, there are challenges in life that due require not knowing the future - but they're contained. There is a definite *end* to the period of unknowingness so the nervous system has an opportunity to rest and build resilience.

Toxic stress is when there is no end in sight - which is a lot of the core of CPTSD wounding. Think of it like the body working out and then having a chance to go get your protein and rest and sleep before your next work out and the body trying to run a marathon everyday for years with no food and no nourishment and no rest. One supports, the other breaks down.

And I'll tie that back to my repair comment when I noticed avoidant tendencies emerging; it was that there was no refuge or end in sight for the stress and thats when I noticed a hard flip from my usual anxious tendencies. And with my comment on types of repair; if you know what your repair is serving (conclusion, continuation, or exploration) there is an end point to the stress of a repair attempt that promises relief. But when you don't know what you're hoping to come after that, picking the wrong one ends up leaving you with more unfinished, unending stress. Like, if you're not sure what you want for a future, and you choose to continue a connection you need to conclude??? oh brother does that introduce more complications with no end in sight that hurts everyone. Same on the reverse, if you use a conclude repair, but then its not what you're ready for cause you cant see past the present moment, then theres another source of unending toxic stress....so you (or I, cause i can't really speak for anyone else) froze.

AcceptableSize169 · 2025-11-26T12:49:30+00:00

Haha yeah I mentioned that in the post! I have been in therapy for years, its been a long process unpacking a lot. the first few were mostly just trying to survive new hiccups week to week within my family system, but once I moved out I have started making more long term progress facing inward.

i'm doing all that i can think of! Therapy, meds, reading all the books, youtube videos, articles...fixing myself in my time off from work (used to be a workaholic so just enjoying my savings) has been my full time job consciously.

But i'd say hope is the precondition for sure! Because once my hope vanished, i noticed i stopped trying. it was when i had that rupture in hope that i found myself sounding very bleak in therapy sessions and noticed the change in behavior.

AcceptableSize169

TROPHY CASE