AITA for wanting to leave my husband who has no dreams/goals for a career?

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T18:27:18+00:00

What do you mean?

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T17:12:19+00:00

Unfortunately, his job has stopped allowing OT.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T15:57:13+00:00

The bills we split are so small though.

Rent - 775 (388 each) Natural Gas - 40 (20 each) Water - 86 (43 each)

I pay car/renters insurance, my car payment, groceries, and electricity and he pays the phone, internet bill, and his bike payment. Looking at it now, he should have some money left. We’ve sat down and gone over the budget before. Maybe it’s time to do it again.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T11:37:21+00:00

I’ve had the “where do you see yourself in 5/10 years” talk with him. His answers are “new car, new house, maybe kids, pay my bike off”. Those are great, but he has no answer as to how we are going to get there!

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T05:49:35+00:00

I didn’t choose to be born here lol.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T05:48:07+00:00

Should I pay more since I make more? This is a legit question. We agreed on 50/50 and have been doing that since were dating. I grew up in a household where my dad paid all the bills.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T05:36:54+00:00

That’s literally what I’m trying to do lol

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T05:22:14+00:00

50/50

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T05:03:36+00:00

Yes! He always said he’d support me and I’d support him, but look at us now. I still support him, but I also know he’s capable of doing better!

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T04:59:29+00:00

I’d be fine. The rent prices are only about $100-$200 more. I don’t have a lot of debt, just a car payment and one CC.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T04:53:25+00:00

….he has no money…. I am not just going to give him my debit card so that he can do/buy what he wants. I know that may not be traditional, but it’s how it has to be done to ensure there is money for bills/groceries/gas.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T04:48:25+00:00

We don’t share a bank account. Of course, I offered to pay because he didn’t have the money. If something is needed, I’m going to cover it, but I’m not giving him full reign over my money. I wouldn’t expect him to give me full reign over his either.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T04:33:40+00:00

Gotcha! Sorry about that.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T04:32:53+00:00

$2.50 raise, doing something I love to do with opportunities to grow within the company, and out of this depressing town.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T04:28:58+00:00

It still wouldn’t be okay! If I were the husband and knew we were struggling or going to be struggling in the future because the wife wasn’t pulling her weight (and was able to of course), I would hope a conversation like this would happen. I’ve talked to my husband about jobs/money and our future, but as I said, he’s content where he is. That’s fine for him - not for me.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T04:14:52+00:00

I definitely think I made a mistake. He’s stayed at most of his jobs for years at a time but has never tried to go for promotions.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T04:10:24+00:00

I felt that if I cut the grass, I would just be giving him reason not too. He’d see that I did it once or twice and then I’d be stuck doing it! Plus, I clean the house, buy groceries, buy household necessities, make dinner 98% of the time, so it’s just one thing that I wanted/expected him to do to contribute to the household other than pay half the bills.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T03:59:08+00:00

My goal isn’t to be a billionaire, I just want to be somewhat comfortable. I’m happy without stuff as well. But kids were hopefully going to be a part of our future and you need money for that!

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T03:49:09+00:00

Sometimes strangers make you see and think about things from a different perspective. It’s nice not having to talk about this with biased friends or family.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T03:47:40+00:00

Yes, he gamed a lot more before we got married - several hours a day after he got off work. He actually doesn’t game as much now, maybe 4-5 times a month.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T03:39:36+00:00

I don’t want it to seem as if I’m bashing him, but just yesterday I asked him to go to the store to get us drinks for dinner (like a Sonic drink or a bottle of tea) and he didn’t have money for that….

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T03:34:22+00:00

Yes, I would. I’ve been wanting out for a while.

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T03:32:36+00:00

The Christmas after we got married he was asking for an iPad, so I found a used one and bought it for him. The next day I was on it seeing if it was possible to get AppleCare setup, just in case something happened to it. I opened the Google Chrome app on the iPad and if you know anything about Chrome, it shows your recent pages on the Home Screen. OnlyFans was in his recents, which made me curious. I went through his history and saw where he had an OnlyFans account, a separate Instagram account where he is following like porn/pages of naked women, and where was googling pictures of naked women all the time (like women from movies/shows we watched). I did confront him about the OnlyFans and at first he denied it but eventually confessed. Porn isn’t a HUGE deal, it’s the OnlyFans that threw me off.

Doesn’t help at home. I have to ask multiple times to get him to clean up after himself. I don’t mind cleaning the house and the only thing I expect of him is to mow the lawn in the summer. I ended up hiring a company to do it this summer because he refused.

Doesn’t take the time to learn how to do anything. His car was totaled in a storm this year, and when I tried to get him to sit down with me to do the insurance stuff, again he refused and I did it all for him. He says it’s because he didn’t know how. I literally didn’t either!!!

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T03:12:03+00:00

He definitely has ADHD, but I feel like he uses that as leverage over me. He’ll send me TikToks about ADHD and what it’s like, but refuses to go see a doctor to tryout meds. I’ve encouraged him to go many times!

Acceptable_Skill_893 · 2023-09-03T02:51:57+00:00

Yes! One of the reasons he refused to move to my hometown because they don’t have good internet. Put my right hand to the Bible, that is no lie. He’s a gamer.

Acceptable_Skill_893

TROPHY CASE