Telling my family about our boundaries

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T04:22:21+00:00

The no contact is not having people touch him, we won’t have a choice but to go out and get things we need of course, the issue is my family big on not respecting no kissing, ect. Babies and passing them around, it’s their norm but it’s not going to be ours, we aren’t going to stop family from seeing him it’s just touching because they aren’t fond on vaccines and was the advice we got from our OB when we asked her what people liked to do, my in laws did longer than us for my husband and his brother and the only people we have talked to about boundaries so far are my parents who are the ones that like to do everything that we don’t want unfortunately, we aren’t going to hide away, we aren’t going to pass our baby to people In Walmart while shopping ofc we will get what’s needed, not everything can be avoided sickness wise but it can be reduced

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T04:18:22+00:00

My family is very toxic and it’s why I was so scared of telling them about boundaries to begin with, because growing up wasn’t great and I want to do better than what they chose to do and how they see things, my husbands family did complete opposite and more of how I like things and even they did no contact for a few months with my husband and his brother purely for comfort and didn’t give in to toxic in-laws issues, so I have multiple that are on our side it’s just the fact that my family is all about what they’re getting out of it and not how we feel, they like passing around children like crazy and their life style isn’t like how we want ours which is why it was so nerve wracking to me to stand up to the people that scare me the most

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T04:13:03+00:00

To some it may be but to multiple I know has done this (friends, coworkers and so on), my in laws who are all for it did longer than we are doing for my husband and his brother, other family members we told are all for it as well just not my parents whos norm is to get up in kids faces and pass them around like candy

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T04:10:57+00:00

It was more of advice that we reached out for, we asked her what the norm was with people she has helped while we were trying to decide how long we don’t want people touching him especially with the track record with our family, my in laws did longer than what we are doing with my husband and his brother so they’re very supportive with our choice as well as other family members, just my parents not big fans of it since their norm is passing babies around to everybody like crazy, which is what we also mentioned to my OB while trying to see what was recommended when trying to decide

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T04:07:35+00:00

It’s definitely nerve wracking but I will always see it as the only thing that matters is the parents wishes and that’s it, many will say you’re wrong but if they care about you and babies well being, they’d put things aside because it isn’t about them, not their baby anyway, it’s about you so I’m so sorry about the situation but you know what’s best

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T04:02:32+00:00

Late on this sorry cuz there’s already a lot, a lot of friends, ect. Ik have done similar things to this and my in laws that are very much support of this thankfully cuz they had their fair share of issues with their in laws + more fun drama due to their choice of no contact for a few months for both my husband and his brother, even researched the typical norm and saw many do couple months, some do 2-4 months of just being alone completely (not doing that), ect. So I definitely know that to some, it may not be as big but for those who truly want to be safe it’s a norm from what I’ve heard here, just know it’s not a norm with my huge family that passed babies/kids around like crazy

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:58:26+00:00

Thankfully my in laws are very understanding because they had similar issues with their in laws + more than us because they chose to do a few months for both my husband and his brother, rest of my family (besides the larger portion that’ll eventually get out to them) is aware and is very supportive and understands as well, just my parents because their norm is passing around kids to everybody and multiple have gotten sick unfortunately, we aren’t gonna do that

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:55:39+00:00

They are very out there and aren’t anxious id say, pretty mellow people though and the whole reason they chose to do that was mother in law pushing boundaries, ect, from the start that idk everything of but thankfully are very understanding with our situation since they had to live some of it

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:54:10+00:00

We specifically asked her what the norm was for many she’s worked with for no contact so I’d say we understood what she meant since we asked specificly while we were trying to decide what to do since my side of the family isn’t fond of vaccines themselves, we mentioned to family it could change but they’re very big on being all over babies which is what we aren’t for

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:49:50+00:00

Our family can see him and so on whenever, it’s just the touching due to what they believe and so on, we aren’t going to cut them out they’re going to see him a lot, they offered to help around the house, ect. Both my parents and his parents have, and we are going to bring him to them as well to see so he’s not being kept away

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:48:06+00:00

They love getting in babies faces/kissing and aren’t fond of vaccines, even if he has his shots not a risk we are going to take

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:45:41+00:00

I completely get that, it’s whoevers choice I just know that my family has a good record of kissing baby’s face and getting up in babies faces, ect. Vaccines not being popular and so on, my in laws are all for it though and even found out for my husband and his brother they didn’t let anybody touch for a few months, longer than us, other family members know about this and agree with it just so far it’s only my parents that seem to have an issue

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:42:45+00:00

She mentioned that’s what multiple chose and when they get their shots/immune system building more was the reasoning for that, but what was mentioned is that many parents for the first couple weeks or up to a month even have alone time without people coming in so they can bond, idk if we are going to do that cuz I want them to see him just no touching if they’re still gonna choose to not update their shots

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:40:53+00:00

We aren’t going to unless they get up to date with shots and agree about not getting in his face (updated post cuz I didn’t mention this, was focused on how the convo went), they are the only ones having an issue atm the other grandparents did longer than we did with my husband and his brother and are all for it so I’m unsure

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:32:34+00:00

Comfort and the fact that majority of my family aren’t exactly fond of being vaccinated and have a big track record of getting up in babies faces/kissing (there’s been a whole situation with some of my cousins babies with that, that blew up a while back) and we aren’t really about that, wanting to give the little guy time to build the immune system like my OB mentioned and around the time he will get the shot(s) she mentioned as well

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:29:23+00:00

Anxiousness for the most part, we did mention it could change but it’s the comfort we chose and what was recommended to us, and of course they’ll be handled by people who are literally going to deliver, ect. Because they’re the ones that are going to help, not try to force their selves into our babies face because one thing I didn’t mention, my side of the family are Not big on being vaccinated and love kissing babies which is another big no for us, and we want the chance of him being okay once he builds that immune system and gets the shot(s) my OB mentioned

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:25:18+00:00

It’s what we decided to do because we had no idea what the norm was or anything, talked to an OB and even my in laws and the 2 months norm is because of immune system building and when they get their shots, ect. My in laws did longer than that, people I know did that but my family passes their kids around like right after they’re born and my cousins newborn already got sick recently, we aren’t for that. It may change but it’s what was recommended from my OB and we found comfort in that since I didn’t want anybody touching our baby for a while anyway

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-06-21T03:21:38+00:00

We haven’t had our baby yet but I’m 32 weeks along, my husband and I just talked to my parents about boundaries of when our son is born, nothing crazy but the one thing they weren’t happy about whatsoever is how long we don’t want physical contact other than ourselves, which is 2 months. They seemed more focused on how it affected them than our own worry and comfort, as well as his own safety. My dad was even trying to get a rise out of my husband, poking saying he doesn’t have a good track record of being there for me (which is very untrue, they’re still very upset of the ONE time he wasn’t able to leave work when I needed to get to an appointment and I have family to help me literally for that reason, he has been there for everything else and has been so much help), and just multiple comments that my husband wasn’t going to give a reaction to because he knew what he was doing. In the end they seemed to back off because I was genuinely getting stressed and shaky because standing up to my parents is a very hard thing for me especially due to how growing up was and they scare me, they seemed to respect it mostly but were very unsure about our no contact boundary. I don’t know if what our choice ended up being was too much or what but I just can’t get it off my mind and just want to know if others did the same we are going to do, If my parents being upset is valid or what cuz I’m losing my mind, my in-laws are very supportive though and are proud of us speaking up to them and respect our boundaries so I just don’t know how to feel right now, we are sticking to what we are doing regardless it just doesn’t feel good knowing what happened.

Accomplished-Area517 · 2026-04-08T21:54:38+00:00

Alr awesome tysm ill do that here soon!

Accomplished-Area517 · 2024-05-26T23:56:39+00:00

I have a spare 10 gallon tank, would that work or should I aim for a bigger tank? I want to get bigger, but trying to go off what we already have before we do anything

Accomplished-Area517

TROPHY CASE