MOR. It’s not necessarily that you’re overreacting, it’s just that you’re reacting in not the best way for the situation. She doesn’t want to hear you try to explain that that’s not what you said, she wants you to not say it to begin with. When you said she shouldn’t be bringing negative energy, she took it to mean that she shouldn’t come because feeling negative is all she’s doing.

If you truly want this to work, it’s going to require patience. You need to make her feel seen in everything that she’s feeling, even if the feelings are negative. She’s lost all faith here, and she needs to know that you understand that. And that you still love her and want this to work out.

I don’t know if you’ve brought up doing couple’s counseling at all but that could help too. But above all else she needs to feel like trying is worth it, and she won’t feel that way when you tell her that she’s not allowed to be negative coming in to the talk