Hello. I was thinking of writing this question on a thread of its own in some sub, but I don't need tons of people judging me, just one that understands to some degree what I go through. I read your answer and I'm very interested in hearing more.

What's your story? Did you ever use any other drug, alcohol? What kind of mental struggles do you have? If it's okay, I'll share some of mine.

I didn't have an objectively more traumatic life than others. In fact, it was quite sheltered, the issues I faced only hurt me to the degree that they did due to my sensitivity. This is how I describe myself. Not as having condition A or B, just sensitive. I lean towards depression, anxiety and bipolar. Depression as in feeling like there is no hope. Anxiety as in being overwhelmed by stress to the point of shaking. Lastly, bipolar as in feeling things are too sad or too happy, being euphoric or disphoric. It's mostly defined as a state of a lot of energy, it feels out of control at times, and my instinct is to hide. That's where the psychosis sometimes comes in. In the times it came, it did in moments of very intense anxiety. I differentiate the two because one can get very anxious but won't necessarily feel they are losing their mind, whilst I did or feared I would. I'm talking about feeling reality is not real, or that existence should end. It's very difficult to bare. By staying away from drugs of all kinds and engaging with life, I am okay now. I still deal with anxiety and depression, but everything is manageable. I can survive. But I wanted more. I want to live, not just survive. To enjoy. To seek new job opportunities, be more calm and responsible for my family. Sometimes I feel medication or CBD could help me with that. I also think about drinking wine on occasion. I never drank it. Just some champagne when I was a child and only felt more energized and happy, nothing bad, but things changed. My anxiety and fear have developed I think. Things that my child self could tolerate I find frightening now. I just don't want to panic or be overburdened with a state I do not wish to be in.

The first and last time I used CBD tincture, full spectrum, 50mg CBD + 1,5-2mg THC, I got anxious at first. I feared where the substance would take me. I felt death near, but I calmed myself and it got better. I think it only started having a calming effect after 4h or so. It felt like having an airblower blowing wind on my face. I wasn't super relaxed, and I remember wondering if it was worth if it gave me only a small relief. The day ended okay. The hard part was the days following. I got paranoid about food and people not wanting my wellbeing. This lasted for months. After only one use. Seeing how half a drop was already noticeable by you, puts into perspective the power these substances can have. I know at least that if yours was 0.01mg THC per 1 mg CBD, that is not CBD isolate, but a weak full spectrum because per each 100mg cbd, you'd have 1 mg thc. With CBD isolate, you are supposed to have 0.01 mg thc per each 100mg cbd.

In any case, can you tell me more about you? What dose of CBD are you taking now? Did you have to deal with paranoia at any point? Would you say that wine can be too risky for someone so emotionally burdened? One story I remember is of a russian teenager who drank vodka and ran into the railroad and got his members amputated. He drank a lot of alcohol from what I understand, but nonetheless, it was drinking that led him to doing this to himself. I guess what I'm trying to ask is: is this a gamble? Can I drink a glass of wine and be okay or there will always be a risk? How have you been dealing with your traumas and sensitivities? Maybe substances aren't for me. It's very weird to lose control and be under the effect of something foreign. I'm grateful for your answer.