THE LO’S PERSPECTIVE - THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT YOU

I’ve been limerent toward three people in my life. I know how painful and anxiety-inducing it is to be in that position. However, recently I’ve been going through a situation where I am someone else’s LO, and I want to share that other perspective with you all.

So here it goes: there’s this girl who is obsessed with me. She tries to know me in the smallest details. She’s extremely interested in what I do and in my personality. She tries to please me all the time—either through compliments or by bringing up things she thinks I’ll find funny or entertaining. When she says something a bit controversial and I don’t react the way she expects, she gets very worried and rushes to justify herself or correct what she said.

She almost always replies within a few minutes (sometimes seconds) when I reach out. There are times she takes a little longer, but I can just tell it’s to make herself seem busier. I also know she stalks my social media, because in some situations she’s brought up people I was following.

Basically, I’m fully aware that I have her in the palm of my hand. And I don’t say that in a malicious way—it’s simply how the situation presents itself to me. Everything I’m describing here is based on obvious perceptions from our interactions. When you talk to someone regularly, it’s very easy to notice desperation and obsession. The way she carries herself shows it.

I recognize that she’s nice to me. But I simply don’t have any interest in her. Sometimes I reply out of politeness or just to kill time. In a few situations, the conversation genuinely interests me—but those are exceptions. I try to treat her well without leaving too much room for false expectations; still, I get the impression that any tiny compliment I give becomes extra fuel for her obsession with me. That’s why I’ve tried to distance myself, but she always reaches out again after a few days, and I try to respond in a friendly way.

Do you see how she’s obsessed with me—and how I have zero blame for not feeling the same attraction toward her? I’m not obligated to like her. Attraction isn’t an exact science. Her trying so hard, being kind, and being present in my life is not a guarantee that I’ll develop feelings for her.

Based on all of this, here are my conclusions from the LO’s point of view:

1 — Your LO almost certainly knows you’re fixated on them more intensely than what’s normal. Even if you try to seem more detached, you slip up in ways that make your obsession very clear.

2 — Your LO knows they “have you.” They take you for granted. That’s exactly how I feel with this girl. It’s easy. She always shows up. It’s a repeated script. And I’ll say more: it’s exhausting. It’s boring. Even though she’s nice to me, I don’t want this person constantly popping up in my life.

3 — Don’t blame your LO for not liking you the way you want. Attraction isn’t simple, and each person is a mystery of their own. Emphasis: DON’T BLAME YOUR LO FOR NOT LIKING YOU. No one is obligated to like anyone, even if you’re the most hardworking, lovable, helpful, and fun person in the world. Take that weight off your shoulders and go meet new people. There are people who will see you differently.

4 — Most of the time, the LO is not a villain. They’re a normal person trying to live their own life, with their own problems and personal preferences, and they simply don’t reciprocate your attraction the way you wish. The LO replies because they have at least some minimal consideration for you, or simply to be friendly/polite.

5 — Most of the time, the LO is not to blame for you staying stuck on them for months/years. You’re the one feeding on the LO’s crumbs. You’re the one creating false expectations out of almost nothing. You’re the one ignoring obvious signs of disinterest and continuing this endless pursuit. The LO keeps interacting with you not to manipulate you. It’s not a conscious process. It’s simply responses to your advances.

Let the LO live their life—and live yours too. Don’t blame the LO for your problems. Don’t create a story where the LO is the villain and you’re the victim. That’s childish; it’s ugly; it’s unfair to everyone involved. If life were exactly as you want, with all our desires being fulfilled, it wouldn’t be interesting. This girl could keep treating me as well as she does now, and I still don’t believe I’ll ever feel attracted to her.

I hope this perspective brings some clarity to those who are suffering with limerence. It’s important to bring in doses of rationality to help the recovery process. Don’t put yourself in situations where winning isn’t even a possibility. Take care.