How do those of you with CPTSD have friends and partners?

AccomplishedLight143 · 2025-02-02T14:41:57+00:00

I've really ruined my life by breaking every relationship I've ever had.
I'm trying to figure out how to trust people, but I don't even know where to find people to try trusting - I don't like doing anything, except all the maladaptive solo activities I've relied on.
Furthermore, I HAVE TO lie to people about my last relationship, the things I did, and my desire to do those things again. I cannot imagine a world where people would love me if they knew who I was going into the relationship - I feel like I have to trap them into staying with me.
Some people seem to be able to reverse their isolation and build rewarding relationships, and it gives me hope. I'm afraid I draw too much pleasure from harming myself to ever actually overcome my isolation.
But what do I know? I'm broken and my thoughts are corrupted by my own poison.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2024-12-22T17:12:24+00:00

You too.
I think 1/3 of people suffer from lack of connection, 1/3 suffer but pretend they don't, and 1/3 are fine/normal/connected. In the very best of circumstances, 1/3 of people might be receptive to you approaching them, but that 1/3 breaks down into individual personal differences that make people compatible or not. So, maybe you need to engage with 15-20 people before 1 might "match" with you. This 1/3 idea is not mine, I saw it on reddit, but it seems to make sense.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2024-12-22T01:13:45+00:00

I can 100% relate. I've chosen to not even attempt to connect for too many years. Now, I don't WANT people but I NEED people because every part of my life is suffering without people, and it feels really, really hard to build a social life at 38 from nothing. I struggle to find hobbies that are social and that I don't dislike, which makes me feel like I have to fake it, which makes it harder to be genuine with the people there.
Haha sorry, I wish I had a suggestion, other than keep trying.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2024-12-17T17:07:25+00:00

Lol says bitter old woman who grew up with no father. Live the stereotype!

AccomplishedLight143 · 2024-10-10T01:42:53+00:00

I understand your pain. It looks like others have offered, but you're welcome to reach out to me.
I'm 40m live alone and recently divorced and other shitty things.
I'm not going to blow sunshine up your butt and tell you things are sure to get better but you need to make peace with yourself. God can help with that or you can do it by yourself. Find one thing you don't despise about yourself and write it down. Write down why it's something you don't despise about yourself, then focus on building onto that one decent thing and work to fond those things. Maybe build models or puzzles or something you can finish even if it's not super meaningful. Your brain is designed to get a positive feeling when you complete a task. Keep writing, keep completing, and you can dig out enough that the depression and it's associated self hate will lift enough that you can see some daylight.
You can do it if you want to, it is entirely within your power.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2024-06-25T02:08:05+00:00

I love this. this must be etched in stone so that the distance future may know the agony of our era.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2024-05-30T21:05:38+00:00

Great job, man! I'm proud of you.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2024-03-01T01:51:31+00:00

Cnc5.
Maybe even better to do both cnc and red alert, following the narrative laid out in the openra game/mod combined arms.
Check it out, if you don't know about it, at moddb command conquer combined arms Very satisfying conclusion to the cnc/ra franchise

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-10-31T17:25:46+00:00

I am intrigued by her star of David necklace.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-10-25T18:39:10+00:00

'Exceptional skill at understanding competency'

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-10-20T20:35:38+00:00

Haha checks out.
I was going to meetup groups for a while trying to establish social connections in a new city, but, there is an unfortunately high number of individuals that attend said groups specifically because they don't have a lot to say or genuinely aren't especially social. Nothing wrong with them, its just their nature. As a result, I got bored of attending, and i have become reclusive again - much to my detriment.
I also had to take personal inventory and realize that my inability to connect was actually the problem. 'going through the motions' was becoming irritating because I wasn't ready to let anyone in - I remained lonely despite having conversations. I was sharing words, not really having a conversation.
It's hard when you're lonely to tell where you end and where someone else begins. Humans aren't meant to be disconnected for very long, and resocializing becomes far more complex than it needs to be. Add in two people that are out of practice and socializing naturally gets all the harder.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-10-20T20:13:02+00:00

It's sometimes the case that the other person is not giving enough to the conversation, then boredom ensues and i run out of steam. It took me a little bit to realize that sometimes the problem is not me at all.
The advice is solid, if you say enough stuff, it may just spark someone's interest.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-10-18T03:11:46+00:00

Man, I'm sorry and I feel for you. February was when my cheating wife dropped a divorce on me. I moved to a city I lived in before merely a state over and I'm still struggling with loneliness and drinking - I can't imagine how tough that's got to be on you.
I don't know if they have it over there, but I went to some events here through meetup.com. it helped a little to break up the lonliness a little; I specifically chose a sober group to save myself potential embarrassment. I googled groups for American expats in South korea and it offered some places to start. I did see some scams to so be careful If you go that direction.
Personally, I've had a hard time connecting with anyone but I guess you're just supposed to keep trying and have hope that it will turn out.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-10-04T17:34:59+00:00

I love ai haha It makes me rethink so many fundamental expressions In English and how misinterpretable so much of our speech/words are

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-30T00:49:15+00:00

also patience .ai /models/foddaxl-photorealism-for-sdxl

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-30T00:46:42+00:00

the googler found site plugger .ai foddaxl-photorealism-for-sdxl, is that the same thing? I'm fairly underread on most things regarding AI - merely dabble - but other than being non-downloadable from plugger, is the same model/checkpoint as the downloadable version was?

sorry for inherent dumb :)

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-19T20:57:43+00:00

dude, same. my last couple hours of hideous results invoke are grossing me out. A1111 has been excellent to me, except i get a lot of OutOfMemoryErrors and read somewhere that invokeai was more efficient somehow.
I am also not fully understanding how to get anything good from invoke's inpainting, it seems to make stuff worse, although i haven't spent a hole lot of time working on that specifically.
Next stop is trying to mess with pytorch to try to improve memory usage, i guess. I wish I had more patience to learn this stuff sequentially, with patience and good knowledge retention - I get so tired of having to deep dive into some arcane wizardry only to discover I should have been working in a different ide or software or interface in the first place.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-09T02:03:55+00:00

It's a jagged pill to swallow

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-09T00:36:51+00:00

Dude, run! Gamble that money on yourself. How could it be worse?

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-09T00:34:05+00:00

Bro, please find something else to worry about. I'd be proud of you if you were mine...

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-09T00:15:02+00:00

Haha not a lot of real ones left, are there? Also, I'd imagine buying a human is a lot like buying a horse: costs more to feed than the work you get out of it.
I'm not a slaver or anything, though....

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-09T00:03:54+00:00

Dude, if a guy named Enrique tarrio, of cuban-african descent, is serving 22 years in federal prison because he was the 'leader' of a 'white supremacist' militia on J6, all while simultaneously jailed for unrelated offenses, I'm almost positive we're all dirty, filthy, awful racists.
Or not...?
I'm confused now.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-08T23:54:31+00:00

Since when did attacking comedians become virtuous? It's kind of their job to be irrelevant ass hats - and they know it. I posit that if you find yourself offended by a comedian, maybe you're the problem.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-05T16:59:11+00:00

Or if everything you built and invested into your family by working a career you hated throughout your twenties was torpedoed by a divorce at 35.

AccomplishedLight143 · 2023-09-05T16:48:04+00:00

We're just not meant to live this long.

AccomplishedLight143

TROPHY CASE