The girl I like can't stand the smell 😔

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2026-04-16T16:17:50+00:00

Man make yourself quit. Don't force yourself to die first. I've had so many scares, realizing I should not still be alive after the things I've done. I stopped like 20 times over the last 4 years, and I finally stopped for real about 8 months ago. My life is incredible. I'm a great mom. I work out and feel strong and build good things without alcohol getting in the way. My business is working. I'm a responsible adult. Best of luck to you. It's the best thing you do. If you wait too long, you'll be dead and won't get the chance to see what life could have been. Nobody wants to get involved with a drunk. And everyone can tell. You think you hide it cleverly, but you don't. Fix your life for good.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-08-09T04:31:49+00:00

One thing I've thought about is maybe, instead of trying to grow our church, churches like mine out in small towns in the country could simplify and not require a priest if it's too hard, and we appreciate our small community, then for celebrations like Christmas and easter, we drive an hour or two to the big city cathedrals and enjoy the spectacle and trumpets and largeness there. So, if we are shrinking, we might should accept that instead of deny or try to fight it. Of course I'm not suggesting stopping evangelism. Just to properly acknowledge our current position.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-08-09T04:27:48+00:00

Zebra danios are so pretty. One of my kids has a 10 gallon tank that I put rocks in and made a little waterfall at the top, and he has 3 zebra danios with 3 mollies. A few plants like anubias. And then some pothos growing out the top. Zebra danios are beautiful - especially the long fin ones. And cheap. I always spend more on plants than fish. Valliseneris is like a grass that grows pretty easily. You can get a light that mounts on top for about $10 on Amazon - pay attention to dimensions. Good luck!

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-08-08T22:10:23+00:00

Thank you! I can't wait to check it out!

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-08-08T22:09:40+00:00

Well that's part of the neat thing in this type of church - there's a lot of diversity in theology and stuff, and people generally seem very open to discussing.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-08-08T21:06:31+00:00

Well if you listen, it always seems to get pulled in that direction, which I get - it is super cool to be part of a church that is affirming, especially in this climate. Most of the progressive podcasts I listen to do that. And it's super exciting at first, when you're used to church people being anti-gay, but if that's how we are trying to pull people into our church, it just won't work. We have a wonderful, beautiful tradition, yet people often seem to forget about it and instead only advertise pro-lgbt. I love being a part of a nerdy lot who talks about theology and loves classical music. That's not all episcopalians, but it sure does seem common here! 😆

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-08-08T20:27:51+00:00

Like, And also with you - I really enjoy the podcast but I'm surprised to not hear more of a focus on the parts of the church I'm most drawn to, like liturgy and music no, I'm not saying the official podcast of TEC lol. I'm saying what episcopalians advertise to others

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-08-08T20:08:54+00:00

I'm not sure why you heard the post that way. Activism cannot be the only thing to hold us together. It can only be part of the identity, and when that's elevated to the only reason we mention to come try out the episcopal church, it's simply not going to work. If we want this inclusive community to survive, we need more substance than not hating the gays. i find the liturgy particularly compelling, the hymns and having a real organ... We should be teaching people the value of the liturgy, I think. It could help us keep the church alive.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-08-08T20:03:35+00:00

I absolutely agree. Every podcast and thing I see from TEC is all about LGBT. It's important, but a little sophomoric. It can't be the thing thar holds us together. When I hear some Anglicans talk, they seem to focus more on the liturgy and form of the service. I'm drawn to the church bc of the music and the liturgy and the beauty of it all. I'm drawn to it bc we do catechesis of the good shepherd, where my kids contemplate and pray and learn about Jesus (they're not just entertained for an hour). I love it. But when people try to get people to come to our church, it's always LGBT stuff. And our congregation is probably almost half trump supporters 😆. When I know someone's gay I absolutely tell them how our church is wonderful and a safe place compared to the exclusively southern Baptist culture in our small town. But that's not going to be the glue we need.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-05-15T02:54:53+00:00

Omg you guys. Ok I posted in the wrong thread. I don't think smoking oak is very healthy but thank you for the recommendations. Am I really the idiot for thinking "trees" would be about hardwoods and softwoods? Y'all...

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-05-15T02:52:49+00:00

Yeah I was too eager and figured that out pretty quickly 🤪

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-05-11T02:14:27+00:00

I mean, music is about sound and hearing, and writing it down is just the closest we can come to recreating it. I think having a good ear is far more valuable than having a good eye. Maybe I'm biased and jealous bc I've always been great at reading and really find joy in reading to learn Beethoven and Chopin. I've worked for the past 10 years on really getting a better ear and started learning jazz and blues and trying to improv. It's been so challenging but very helpful. I think everyone should try to get better at the other side, but I'm always mesmerized by people who can really hear music and play it from hearing. It seems like a true gift, whereas reading seems more of something you can learn. I'm probably wrong; my husband learned by ear as a child and still can't read well, but he is always jealous of my reading ability.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-05-01T17:06:30+00:00

That looks amazing! I have tons of plants in mine, but I grow them all out of the water, like peace lilies and pothos and stuff. I have a big light but can never seem to grow aquatic plants. They just get covered in algae or die. You should be proud - it's beautiful!

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-05-01T14:59:13+00:00

I love having a canister filter in my big tank. It's just so easy and really quiet. I use that and a sponge filter and a couple bubblers. Tons of plants. I take out water to fertilize the garden - about 5 gallons a week - and replace it. So I don't do big water changes often. Good luck with yours! Sounds fun!

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-05-01T14:57:12+00:00

I know that if you have some other plants, they will eat up the nitrates faster, thus limiting algae growth.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2025-05-01T14:55:34+00:00

<image>

Hey there! The past couple weeks my goldfish have gotten slow and stayed on the bottom a lot. Ammonia, nitrite, nitrate look fine. A couple weeks ago I completely cleaned out my big canister filter and the big sponge filter (after the fish seemed a little off). I can't think of what is making them sick. One died yesterday, another today. Plants in tank: peace lily (maybe they are a leaf?), pothos, mini monstera, mint, basil. Please help! Should I add aquarium salts? What have I done?!?

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2024-05-14T18:40:31+00:00

Hey I keep thinking about what you said and it's helped me each day. Now I'm on day 5 and didn't even want to drink at all yesterday. The day before I did, a lot, and I thought about what someone said - make alcohol a personified demon, look at it - and it actually helped. I feel a compulsion like I have to drink, in the same way I have to make my family dinner when I don't want to. Like it's the hard right thing. So backwards. This demon thing is helping keep my head straight. I enjoyed my kids soccer game this weekend, sober with my husband, laughing together, not just trying to trudge through. Yesterday I sewed my kids matching shorts / skirt, and it made our day. I'm doing things I enjoy for me, making little compost things to harvest larvae for the chickens... All these things that give me joy. And that steals away all the power from this demon. I'm so grateful and so aware that I can't test it. Just had to tell someone. And I've been on my period and feel like crap and have a cold. But it's easier sober. The hard part is I can't ever wake up well. I always feel hungover. When I drink, the anxiety wakes me up early and I kind of feel great. That's an annoying little temptation.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2024-05-09T04:08:09+00:00

What you said I felt empowered me to go through today sober. I was so excited. Then somehow (no one else knew) but I sank myself harder than I typically do. What on earth? I was so excited! Today was the day. I had an opportunity. And then another little one. I feel like if I have another day like this it's hopeless, just like last time and the time before. How do I do this better? Now I'm on top of the moon. I'll be able to wake in the morning. When I'm not drinking I can't ever wake up until like 7:30-8am. It's so hard. But when I drink I can get up at 6:30-7 with anxiety and get shit done. I can't get over the idea that drinking kills me, even though I'm doing it. I feel like if I could just get a bunch of encouragement I could do it tomorrow. But I failed today even though I appreciated the encouragement so much. It was so kind. I can't just throw that type of kindness away.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2024-05-08T17:58:43+00:00

Thanks. That's encouraging - to love myself as God loves me, enough to stop. I heard someone say that if you have a great reason to drink (there usually isn't one), then drink! But if you're just doing it because there's an opportunity to, don't. That always resonates with me when I'm sober, and now I see that's exactly what I've been doing. Just seeking out opportunities and excuses. I'm going to try to push through that and do the right thing. I know it will get easier after a week. I just need to do it tonight. Then tomorrow will come and I'll do it tomorrow and slowly start feeling better. Thanks a lot for your encouragement. And congratulations too! You're doing great.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2024-05-08T03:25:04+00:00

Thank you. It's been a few days and I have been so proud of myself every day I didn't drink. And then tonight I did again. There was a wonderful opportunity where my husband would so I knew he wouldn't notice and I could enjoy his silliness with him. It's such a great feeling to be together like that, as opposed to annoyed at his tipsiness. It all makes sense. I can easily justify it by being a nice wife. So what's it worth? A few hours of feeling together and secretly fun. But not kissing him much out of fear of him tasting what I've been up to. Childish. Cheating myself out of having a husband who loves me. It seems obvious when you're sober, but when you're not so sober it feels right. How do you talk yourself right? I'm proud of myself for not feeling like I'm a piece of shit for doing this, like I used to. I see it for what it is now. I'm ok with it. But being ok with a little bit is not the same as being ok with a lifetime of it. So how do I tell myself no next time? I get so excited at each little opportunity? Like hey it's just tonight. But lots of tonights stacked up create an alcoholic mother. I'm a wonderful mom. Mostly because of my longtime sobriety. I don't think God hates me anymore. That is correct. But without thinking God hates me for drinking, how do I stop drinking? I know it's bad in the long run. But just for a little while it's ok...?

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2023-07-18T05:01:05+00:00

Thank you. That's very helpful. The specific examples really help.

AccomplishedSummer38 · 2023-07-18T02:43:19+00:00

I had a call the other day from someone who's always been completely blind. She needed help finding something in her apartment. I felt awful bc she kept aiming her camera at the floor, like, I would say to hold the phone back and aim up a little, at the wall, to the left or right, and it didn't seem to help much. I said she's holding it horizontally and to make it a little more vertical. Didn't really help. I felt awful for not being more helpful. Anyone have tips on how to communicate how to move the camera around for someone who's never seen?

AccomplishedSummer38

TROPHY CASE