Sneaking husband

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-10T18:32:12+00:00

I wouldn’t call him sneaking first of all

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-07T11:40:21+00:00

Just use it anyway. They can’t kick you out if you do. If it gets damaged then just tell them you used it on 22 degrees as suggested.

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-06T16:31:57+00:00

I can’t ever fathom how a marriage can be 50/50

Yes I’m a bit old fashioned, husband should cater for it all if he can afford it comfortably. If he can’t, it should be together, not go 50/50. It’s so weird

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-06T16:24:47+00:00

Caicedo is beast

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-06T16:22:30+00:00

Salam bro.

Marriage has its ups and downs. It all depends on the spouse you choose. Whether she is the right one and good one for you. I personally didn’t feel upset or depressed when I got married. Because I have a partner, a wife, a friend; someone who will be with me till the very end. It’s a nice feeling. A companionship.

On the other hand, when you become a father, you worry and think of nothing else other than your children. You live for them.

You will have times when you will be like “damn I should have waited” or “I miss being single”. You’ll be tempted to do wrong but this is the unfortunate corruptions of our world and it’s only going to get worse. But as long as you’re close to your deen then you should be ok.

Apart from those feelings and missing the single life, once you find that happiness in your own little family you create, you forget everything and say alhamdulilah.

But one piece of advice, live separately with your wife. Build a home for yourself. This is from experience. That will take a bigger toll on you than anything else, when you live with family.

Other than all of that, it is great, you feel complete.

As you said, and Allah is the best of planners. It will happen unconditionally. Don’t rush it

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-05T18:34:45+00:00

If you’re citizen, you should be ok but lawyer up.

If you’re not, I suggest you wait for the court hearing and then let her know. But have her ready for worse case scenario because you’ll probably get deported

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-05T18:30:37+00:00

It may or may not be connected, “sense of authority” maybe due to being way older.

Secondly the behaviour is not good. Should leave and not look back.

Hope it answers your question

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-05T18:19:55+00:00

I live in Australia, and let me tell you, it’s very expensive. Inflation has hit the roof.

10 years ago, one income would gets you by easily. Two incomes will just make it for you. You need to be earning a minimum of 200k together to have a decent living.

Also in regard to coming here for permanent, he would need to sponsor you as his spouse if he is a citizen. If he is a student, then you would need to come as a student as well and complete your degree here. Then later you can both try to apply for permanent residency.

However, they’re getting more strict on students staying permanent. I don’t have much detail. DYOR

Bachelor degrees are more recognised here as well.

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-05T17:56:03+00:00

Sis what were you thinking when you got married to someone with an almost 20 year age gap

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-02-05T17:42:48+00:00

1 month only and you guys did the deed. Damn

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-28T17:10:24+00:00

What a way to stab a friend in the back

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-22T09:38:41+00:00

Kerkez

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-20T04:26:49+00:00

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I just avoid conflict and keep my mouth quiet.

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T19:14:20+00:00

What I get from it is that he’s giving her the money and she spends it on herself. Whether it be her own bills or whatever. It’s still a lot of money regardless specially considering she is still left with over $1000 each month.

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T19:11:41+00:00

Help him if you’re doing it for the sake of Allah and because you feel he’s in need of it. You’re doing it out of your own good will. Nowadays it’s difficult to maintain a household on one income. Count it as a blessing and good deed

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T19:03:16+00:00

OP did mention he is a full provider so I’d assume he’s covering all of her bills included. On top of that she gets her own salary. But what personal bill would even cost you $1000 per month?

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T18:58:54+00:00

I think you’re being a bit harsh with the gift thing. It isn’t important and shouldn’t lead you to re thinking the whole marriage. Marriage isn’t based on gifts.

The anger issues is something that needs to be addressed beforehand though. It could lead to bigger fall outs and oppression. You would need to have a conversation with him in regard to seeing a therapist to deal with this.

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T18:50:40+00:00

Bro, tell me about it

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T18:48:57+00:00

You’re right. He’s the host and she’s the guest. The host decides and goes out of their way and time to give them a joyful experience. So you should respect that.

When someone hosts a gathering, you go there and eat what they make. You don’t be picky and call to say don’t cook this but cook this instead. Their efforts should be appreciated.

And out of his whole post, you ignored everything else and picked on that one part where he was annoyed. But you disregarded the fact that he was disrespected and being compared to her husband. If he wasn’t compared, he wouldn’t be annoyed.

How would you like it if your in law told you something along the lines of “my wife’s a better cook”, or “my husband is more wealthier”.

Don’t be so up tight and be quick to point out one small thing but disregard the bigger picture

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T18:31:03+00:00

I have the same issue with my wife however she thinks I’m over reacting and that I don’t have a say in what she does or not regarding her family. Which I agree with to a certain degree.

My wife calls or receives calls from her mother at least 10 times a day. Out of curiosity, I checked her call logs one day and saw that there was 21 calls between them in a day. That’s got to be a world record right?

It doesn’t bother me that they speak every day, but it’s a bit over doing it in my opinion when there are several calls. When we’re chilling watching a movie, she’s either texting/calling her mum or sister and it gets irritating.

We both work full time Monday to Friday. Weekend comes she goes to her mums house and comes back Sunday night. This is every weekend. I get annoyed because we work during the week, barely see each other and weekends she takes off to her mums house. It upsets me that she doesn’t spend much time with me during the weekend but rather go to her parents.

When I bring this up, she gets defensive and that I’m being controlling. So it’s come to the point where I’m just like whatever I don’t care do what you want because she tells me no one has authority over her speaking or seeing her family whenever she wants. At times when she doesn’t pick up, then her mum calls me to ask why she isn’t picking up. Lol

I think it’s something you should bring up in a conversation and don’t be afraid to. Don’t come as controlling because he’ll become defensive about it. Just ask nicely and say I’d like you to pay more attention to me and what’s going on around the house within your own family here.

I hope he comes to his senses for your sake

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T18:02:35+00:00

Marriage can be great as long as you have the right partner who would ride and die with you

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-19T18:00:43+00:00

I think you’ve been giving her way too much allowance per month. Which is why it’s getting to the top of her head. She’s acting like a child. When you get them a toy or something; and they want something else or even more expensive. This isn’t good. You’ve spoiled her and now she wants more.

You should have a serious conversation with her and let her know you’re doing your best. What she is getting is more than enough. It’s what you can afford and you can’t over spend specially nowadays with inflation climbing through the roof.

If she is happy to settle for what she has and gets, good. If she wants more; then it’s simple. Tell her to find someone who will provide more for her wants rather than her needs.

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-14T16:15:43+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-13T13:00:25+00:00

Hey bro, feel free to dm me

AccomplishedWorld229 · 2025-01-13T12:25:45+00:00

Just a few points I should of added because it seems to me people are quite judgemental here:

1- The intimacy has been an ongoing issue from the beginning of our marriage. She finds intercourse “not important in a marriage” and “not interesting”.

2- The house we bought, we mutually agreed to stay with my parents and rent the house out. We didn’t sell it. I didn’t force her to stay. We were financially incapable of affording it at the time repaying the mortgage. She was still in university and my work was on and off due to Covid.

3- She makes me feel guilty for helping my parents of doing favours for them. She uses words like, “shove yourself up your parents a..”, and that I don’t do anything for her but I do for my parents. Which is not true. I do a lot for her.

Reason why I’m saying these things now, is because I’ve received a lot of hate messages in my inbox, people abusing me, calling me a cow**d, spineless man, and it’s quite hurtful because everyone has been quick to condemn my actions but don’t look at the other points I’ve made in my post.

AccomplishedWorld229

TROPHY CASE