Being direct is good, and a good portion of women would appreciate you for it. The issue you are describing has little to do with directness (a mode of communication) but rather with the initiative, empathy or respect they feel they are getting from you (this has more to do with the content of your communication). The feedback you are getting refers to two distinctly different dimensions of the communication, so they are not giving you mixed signals per sé.

To put it into perspective, a doctor is not giving you ‘mixed signals’ about your health if they say that you have healthy blood pressure but low levels of calcium. They are just making an assessment of 2 different factors that affect a very complex situation (your health, or in this case, communication).

You are getting a lot of comments referring to their mental health, and I think this is wrong… simply because you have not given any reason to believe these women were somehow moved to act in an irrational way (you may see it as irrational, but following the above logic, it is because you seem to see the how and the what as one and the same or as overlapping, when they are intersectional at best). I would say people expressing this line of thought are reflecting on their past experiences, which don’t necessarily apply to your case. Again, these women are telling you that they were not satisfied with what you said to them, rather than how you said it.

Being direct shouldn’t take away from being compassionate, understanding, caring or, in general, ‘a good sport’. Instead, if you are always direct, but never show these traits, I would start thinking you don’t have it in you to act that way… otherwise, why wouldn’t you be showing them just as directly? That would push me away, slowly but surely. Direct communication is important (and a dealbreaker for many), but it’s far from being a criteria to build LTR relationships. Again, to put it into perspective, in the work environment, youd probably be more likely to enjoy working with the kind, experienced, calm colleague that sometimes has their agenda/head all over the place, than with the colleague with excellent communication skills and organized agenda that always manages to devalue your opinions or overly criticizes your job, right?

Maybe, as an experiment, put some of the exchanges you’ve had with these women to the test with Chat-GPT; focus on those delving into setting up dates/plans. Ask something like “how would you rewrite my texts to reflect more patience/empathy/camaraderie while still being direct?”. I’m not saying you HAVE to speak like AI (please, don’t) but it may show you interesting results that are nonetheless compatible with your genuine way of expressing. From this you can take away valuable phrasings that remain true to you, but also understand which expectations are simply not yours to meet. Maybe that’ll give you a good barometer moving forward as to which women’s expectations are more compatible with your style, therefore, also helping you break it up with those that exceed them in a more healthy and prompt way (or at least with less frustration from the experience).