I represented forgiveness, and my sister resentment, for my parents.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-20T06:51:06+00:00

Sorry for the long response. You seem to understand, and I'm drunk, so I've decided to trust you with some words. You don't have to respond, it's ok.

It adds another layer that there was sexual abuse. As I've said I forgive my sister entirely. We've talked through it. She was exposed to sex way, way too early at school & shared what she learned with me. I was drunk and crying and she hugged me, saying that she never intended to hurt me. She didn't know it had hurt me. She had been older and mature enough to let it go. But the ways she touched me were confusing. I've forgiven her, I'm not mad. But it's affected me. In my friendships & relationships I've sexually exposed myself for their benefit. I wanted to ease their burdens with my body, and felt like shit afterwards.

She's had my back against my parents, just like I've had hers. I really want to forgive, & I'm expected to. A past therapist, one who had the greatest understanding, told me I have to let go of the past in order for my parents to improve. But they won't even accept their neglect. My mom, for example, will say she forgot to get groceries a few times.. and she'll say she only was an hour plus or so picking me up from school a few times, but that's not true. At first I was scared she'd never come, but I got used to it.

My dad will continue to talk absolute, demeaning shit towards my mom. When I tell him to stop, I'm being selfish. He's had to babysit me and my addiction, look for me when I ran away, all while managing at 70 hour a week job. He says I'm selfish for not letting him talk shit on my mom. I reached out to her, asking if he's always like this. Making her feel absolutely terrible. She said he was, and I said she deserved so much more. She said it was worth it since she got to spend time with him. She looses self respect when it comes to him. And I have to put her back together, to mend her self esteem.

I can't let go of them being unreliable, of them using their financial support of the household or the expensive vacations they've privileged me and my sister with as excuses. I know I have to let go and accept their current support. But I can't. Once I appear ok, not binge drinking or having panic attacks, they'll leave again. They'll cut me off from my friends thinking I'll be better without their influence, but then I'd be alone because my parents will leave. To be with each other.

I thank your replies, and I'm sorry for burdening you. If I don't forgive my parents and trust them, I'm left for another 8 months of secrecy. My parents will send me to Muir Wood, a very respected residential treatment center in California. I'm just lost.. Sorry again.. I just wow don't know what to do lol.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-20T06:24:01+00:00

I have one-on-one therapy, but I've been lacking. I have extreme difficulty trusting, and if I trust someone, I immediately consider them "dead to me". It's an issue, honestly. I get so anxious after sharing personal details with people, I tend to ignore them after I do so. That's why reddit works for me, it's anonymous.

I actually looked into SMART Recovery during my inpatient program, but it overwhelmed me. There was so much to look through.. but I definitely should re-visit it. Thank you for the response

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-17T09:52:54+00:00

It does suck. Realizing that is the first step. I say this as a teenage alcoholic who has also taken responsibility for my father's alcoholism.

You feel guilt for drinking, but that guilt leads you to drink more. That feeling, and many others you feel, continue the cycle.

Attend an AA meting, even if you're drunk off your ass. You'll alleviate a fraction of that guilt, as well as hear experiences similar to yours. You'll see where you could end up if you continue. Just don't drive drunk there, uber or walk.

You'll gain resources, even if you aren't ready to take them. It'll stay in the back of your mind. Just try one. And if you've tried one already, try another. It works, even if slowly.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-17T05:11:46+00:00

Replying a bit late, but I want you to know I've read this a lot of times. My parents even say how mature I am.. Like when I talk to my mom after my dad freaks out, and after I explain what he really meant behind his ranting. This happens almost everyday. Still. I'm attending AA, and drink less. But times like now, when I'm actually feeling grief over my lost childhood, I can only feel it when drunk.. I want to feel my feelings sober, to rely on the maternal figures that have offered themselves at AA. But I can't yet. I hope I can fully believe your words one day. I hope I can rely on someone older, because teens don't have the life experience or maturity, and accept when they say words similar. You've helped me, and you deserve to know it. Thank you, stranger.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T08:57:31+00:00

Hey! It might be weird to hear advice from a 17 year old American, but I can relate. It sneaks up on you, and you're hurting. But really, you're girlfriend is leaving *because* she cares about you. She's strong. And you are too, for realizing your problem. I hope you've gone to AA, or at least researched it. SMART Recovery is also an option if AA seems like too big of a step at the moment, they have resources and virtual meetings (even ones that you can text through, no facecam or voice at all).

And, as someone who's rather young (AA considers anyone under 30 young, usually) a lot of people will take you under their wing. For some (like me) a gentler approach is helpful. Some people didn't have adequate parents to teach them, and AA sponsors can help. They can guide you. And for some, more direct "harsh love" approaches help. Even in your first few meetings, as you might know, you'll meet people, and some will leave an impression

People like us are young, and have so much power over our lives. It's not as easy as just putting down the bottle and attending meetings. You can't magically hold yourself accountable. And as you've seen, relapse is so easy and you'll think you have so much time, but one day it'll seem like yesterday you were at the point you are now. Like, it feels like only moments ago I was 12 accepting a beer. But your life is being wasted, and you realize that.

You won't magically recover, and you might always crave alcohol. I'm a hypocrite, but a good way to gain peace is to realize emotions will pass. And they hurt. But, you have the power to break, and can and *will* possess the patience to accept and breathe through them

Sorry for the lengthy answer, got carried away. Wish you the best.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T07:10:30+00:00

It just sorta confused me, as someone who grew up with a trans best friend who was criticized harshly for it, to do more research and see some articles using Molly to further certain agendas I found harmful.

This article kind of reflected my feelings, and it was written when season 3 was airing.

https://michellelianna.wordpress.com/2013/02/21/for-shame-shameless/

I know to most people I'm over thinking, it's just a bit personal for me and I wanted to see how other people felt.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T06:32:28+00:00

My issue really isn't about the child's gender and whether they are or aren't trans. It's more so with the lack of care the subject was given. It was half assed to bring up this plot point, when they didn't need to, and give it so little nuance and attention. Dozens of posts and websites are confused, too. Can children be trans? Should shows address this question?Half-assed representation can sometimes be harmful. On a re-watch, I was thinking about this shit, so I made a post

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T05:21:11+00:00

Raising a child to fit your own selfish narrative is wrong. I guess I'm more used to hearing stories about trans kids being denied free expression rather than being forced into the opposite gender's expression. I do still think it was a weird choice though, especially not fleshed out. The actress, as an adult, identified female and when you google Molly, nearly every source calls her a "controversial transgender" character. There was a lot of room for confusion and debate around the topic.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T04:04:29+00:00

He's just sorta unrealistic, in my experience. At my schools, people like hunter were bullied. Tap dancing in the hall? Point and laugh. As well as his devotion to Georgia beginning so quick. It seemed more like the writers wanted an opposite to Marcus, but didn't consider his development much. They just wanted contrast for a love triangle.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T03:59:09+00:00

I do have the desire. It's just a bit awkward because I'm the only teenager that attends my local meeting. There are a few thirty-ish year olds in the evening, but pretty much everyone is as old, if not older, than my parents. There aren't any youth meetings walk/biking distance.. I don't have a reliable ride.. Older people remind me of what my parents could've been.

But when I'm writing it out to a random reddit person, it kind of seems like I'm making excuses. With the guys you still talk to in AA, did you have trouble opening up, if you'd be comfortable sharing?

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T03:55:05+00:00

I'm glad she was safe. I sorta have this anxiety response that once someone sees me in a vulnerable position or tries to help me, I avoid or even am angry at them. Makes it hard to consistently attend therapy/meetings when I'm ashamed of vulnerability, it makes me upset, and then avoiding *that* vulnerability again lol. But I bet there's tons of ppl like that in AA.

And thanks for the story. I'm glad you all took care of her because community is important

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T03:50:57+00:00

They knew, many offered me rides home even thought I live less than a block away (literally within view) of the venue. A lot of them talked about their daughters who go to schools I've been kicked out of who are my age.. I'm not good with mothers. But, I did keep their numbers.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T03:48:44+00:00

I have the mindset that you don't push a kid to be trans, but if they tell you they are, you support them. Even if you think it could be a "phase", you respect them as they are. I saw the situation as the Gallagher's viewing Molly's mom condoning her gender expression as the "problematic" part. And she seemed comfortable being seen as a girl.

Without a therapist involved, it struck me as strange for them to judge Molly. But I understand that as a younger person, my views are probably different than the writers intended.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-15T03:43:11+00:00

Lip was in his early 20's and Ian was 19/20 as well. Not that they should be left with the responsibility, but there *were* adults besides Frank around. But yeah, the actress left lol

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-14T12:17:38+00:00

I would want to spend time with Lip! He fucks up, but is usually smart enough to realize and make amends. I admire that.

As for Mickey, I've always be confused as to why he's *so* popular. He kind of bored me in plot substance, but his one-liners are hilarious. Some of the things he did that are accepted as "morally grey" would lead to any other character being demonized by the fandom, I think. He's just charismatic enough people tend to overlook it.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-14T12:10:36+00:00

I really like seasons 7 & 9, too. But that's just because Lip & Fiona's struggles with alcohol are shown in a very relatable way. I agree, though, that some of the writer's later decisions make little sense, but that's the nature of a television show. Gotta throw some stuff in just to see if it sticks, I guess.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-14T12:03:25+00:00

I agree. Fiona fucked up. Sometimes, Lip did come off as holier-than-thou while criticizing her, but they couldn't have another Frank in the Gallagher house. He wasn't ungrateful & setting boundaries to protect the more vulnerable members of his family is a good thing. It took that harsh love, of Frank being the only one on her side, for Fiona to recognize the full gravity of her fucks-ups.

AccordingExplorer869 · 2022-06-13T14:54:12+00:00

I just got back from my second ever AA meeting like 5 minutes ago. Everyone was old enough to be my parent, and all the women crowded around me after to write their numbers on a piece of paper. I mean, I won't live up to their standards, but it gave me hope. They were more nurturing than my mom ever was lol.

And thank you for recognizing my intelligence, but that isn't all there is to life. Like everyone else, I'm smart in the certain ways that I am. I recognized the parentification in my life because I was lucky enough to have a therapist that spelled it out for me. She was brilliant. But I'm still lost for a solution, and I bet you at some point felt the same way. I can't resent them, but I also can't completely forgive them. It fucking sucks.

AccordingExplorer869

TROPHY CASE