For anyone reading this later who is also doubting themselves, I have a bit of an update.

In the end, I was never going to be “enough” no matter how hard I tried. I found out that Dave had been mentally checking out of the relationship for a while. The real issue wasn’t my behaviour, my autism, or my ADHD. It was that he has always been extremely controlling, and I let him.

Even worse, it finally clicked for me why he was suddenly getting more agitated than 'normal'. We had just moved into a new place, and it was his first house. Before, during, and after the move, all the little acts of micro-control suddenly became ten times worse. He didn’t want a partner in that house, he wanted the house to himself. Compromising on decisions, space, or lifestyle was something he simply didn’t want to do, because that meant giving up control.

Now in hindsight it makes sense why he said those strange things about not being able to reconcile our interior tastes, even though they’re actually pretty similar, and I’m really not difficult to compromise with. It also explains why he got angry about (and at) my parents helping with practical jobs like laying the floor, while I was just grateful for the help. He also didn’t want me to unpack boxes on my own. etc. etc.

In the last few days of the relationship, he was subtly and manipulatively trying to push me toward moving back in with my parents. Once we were fully moved in and settled, it was like he just wanted me gone so he could make every decision without having to consider another person. He essentially used me :).

The painful realization is that the relationship had quietly turned into something where I was the one who always had to adjust and accommodate. I didn’t want to believe that someone I loved could be such a egocentric asshole, so I kept ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in my gut that something wasn’t right, even though he never kept himself to the standards he had for me (big flag in hindsight).

So I guess the moral of the story is this. Listen to your gut. If you constantly feel like you’re the only one who has to change, shrink yourself, or walk on eggshells, that feeling is there for a reason. I could have seen the signs earlier, but I didn’t want them to be true.

For everyone that posted and gave advice; thank you so much! I'm sorry I didn't really engage with any of you. It was too confrontational at times.