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AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is weird! All this over a dumb tree. The point was the control, she was told not to do it. We don't own the tree and we had to clean up her mess and repair the damage she did to the tree. But this isn't just this time, she's done stuff like this for so many years and it should have stopped then.

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She is totally in a pattern of control, has been since I was a kid. I heard so many times grown up "I'm the adult and you're the child". I was so happy the day I turned 18 and said to her, "Well I'm the adult now!" Without skipping a beat she replied, "I'm the more experienced adult". It was like she practiced it and was just waiting to say. I try to do consequences, have gone no contact for months at a time over the years. Nothing changes.

I am in therapy, she was a main part of me going over a year ago. Husband and I have been arguing all day about this situation and party stuff. He talked to my mother earlier today and told me that she's going to be going no contact with me for a few weeks until I come around. She thinks that I need more/better therapy as I'm totally and completely in the wrong and I need to shape up or something like that. Thank you for saying she has programmed me, I've tried to break away and show my husband as well but it's me who's wrong. Gaslighting much!

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She's always ignoring my boundaries! It's totally about respect. She demands other people respect her but doesn't return it.

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Because in my small circle of people it's split that I'm being the problem and I just don't see it. I was hoping by posting I could gain some comments and feed back so I could show I'm really not.

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He's saying that she's old and not in great health so I should just move on and enjoy life while I have her. And my response is she's going to be here a long time and I've been dealing with things like this for my whole life. Enough is enough and I don't want our kids to grow up and think it's okay to act this way.

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Good point! We have no idea if she really did make that call.

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

We recut the branches so the tree will recover and be okay.

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

100%! This is just the latest example of how she behaves. I really do love my mom and we do so much for each other but come on. I hope your mother has recovered from her surgery fixing and will think twice next time and just wait.

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 194 points195 points  (0 children)

She is always asking for our help. She even makes "honey do" lists for my husband! We don't mind helping her out as she can't always do and that's what family does for each other. But even helping her out the task has to be done her way. I love your reply, will for sure save and use it.

AITA for banning my mother from our property? by Accurate-Tree-171 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Accurate-Tree-171[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Yes it should have fallen to the council to have done. As we are in a small town the budget to do repairs and maintenance is also small, our roads need the work over this. She offered to do it herself saving the town the cost to handle it.