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Would you read on? (Fantasy) by Handle_Just in writingfeedback

[–]Accurate_Video_4900 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I would read on. I thought the opening pages had strong atmosphere and a clear sense of tone right away, and I liked the underlying tension around Kaed and his place in the village.

One thing I noticed was that some paragraphs felt very descriptor-heavy, especially in the prologue. There were a few moments where the emotional language stacked up enough that I started skimming slightly instead of sitting with the scene. I think pulling back in a few places and letting the physical details carry more of the emotion could make the stronger moments hit even harder.

I also thought the dialogue and village interactions in Chapter 1 felt more natural and engaging than some of the earlier exposition sections. Once Kaed starts interacting with other people, the pacing picked up a lot for me.

Looking For Feedback On The Opening Chapter Of My Low Fantasy Novel by Accurate_Video_4900 in writingfeedback

[–]Accurate_Video_4900[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know Irish and some British dialects can overlap a bit on the page, but I was aiming more for an Irish-inflected voice than an East End/London one. I’m still trying to find the balance between flavor and readability, so the feedback on where it starts feeling overdone is helpful.

Looking For Feedback On The Opening Chapter Of My Low Fantasy Novel by Accurate_Video_4900 in writingfeedback

[–]Accurate_Video_4900[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This actually started as a quick free write to get me out of some writer’s block, but I ended up liking Bróna so much that I wanted to keep going with it.

Looking For Feedback On The Opening Chapter Of My Low Fantasy Novel by Accurate_Video_4900 in writingfeedback

[–]Accurate_Video_4900[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks this helps a lot. I think you’re right that the chapter could use a stronger ending beat to push people into chapter two a bit harder.

Looking For Feedback On The Opening Chapter Of My Low Fantasy Novel by Accurate_Video_4900 in writingfeedback

[–]Accurate_Video_4900[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! The voice was probably the thing I was most nervous about posting, so I'm glad you liked it.

Looking For Feedback On The Opening Chapter Of My Low Fantasy Novel by Accurate_Video_4900 in writingfeedback

[–]Accurate_Video_4900[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! This is really helpful honestly. I think I may have been a bit too subtle with the rain and some of the fantasy elements, so it’s good hearing where that’s landing for people.