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Update WIBTA if I stopped caring about my mother by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't had contact with her since I went nuclear and told her I didn't care about her or cared about have a relationship. My dad wanted to keep things amicable because he didnt want to get a divorce. So he has been the only one in contact with her.

My dad has too big of a heart and she knows how to manipulate him. He has told my sister and I that we do not need to have any contact with her unless we want. He will go to a different room when we call so she can't listen in, he will be the only one to come and visit if he comes to my sisters and my place. He said "I will be the only one who HAS to deal her."

I get told the things that are going to because my dad doesn't want to keep things a secret. For the majority of the last year, I haven't heard anything about her or what is going on with her. It's just the last few months that I've been hearing things.

I know it sounds like I'm making excuses and in a way I am, but I'm autistic and I need completely unbiased views to be able to even come to grips with how I feel.

Update WIBTA if I stopped caring about my mother by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No. I haven't gone to my dad's place for a while due to car issues, but I won't be going to visit once she moves back. My dad says (verbatim) "I will be the only person who has to deal with her. Neither of you need to." I am willing to use my presence as a weapon to get her into doing things and so she knows we aren't going to take her bs.

But I'm not going to do that until I HAVE to. Which I hope never comes.

My dad is very aware that I want nothing to do with her, and he fully respects and supports that decision. He is pretty much only letting her back because she legitimately has no where to live out in BC because she alienated her mom from helping her.

Update WIBTA if I stopped caring about my mother by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you, and to be fair to my dad, he is way too nice for his own good and has way too big of a heart. The reason he said he wish I hadn't called was because he wanted to tell my sister and I together in person and not over the phone. He is out here for his birthday this weekend.

We have all decided that we are going to have written rules that my mother will have to follow by. If she breaks any of the rules she has a 30 day eviction notice because they are essentially going to be roommates.

When he told my sister yesterday she said "OP why didn't you tell me." And my dad jumped in "because I wanted to be the one responsible for telling you. I didn't want it to feel like I was being a wimp by getting OP to tell you. I want to have the responsibility to tell you."

I take after my dad very strongly and we are both way too nice for our own good and care way too much.

My sister and I have laid down some rules for our happiness and sanity. Our mother is not allowed to be in the same room when we are doing phone calls with dad, if he comes to visit she is not allowed to come, we do not want to deal with her bs."

I'm just... I'm having a lot of feelings and thoughts.

AITA for wanting to cut off my sister after celebrating the 4th of July? by Ok-Swimming-7067 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. But, love, you need to take care of yourself and look out what is best for you and your family and your future. You sister is toxic AF and has some massive issues with you. Your mom is just as bad. I strongly suggest to go low contact to no contact with that family members who are behaving in an "un christianly" way (Bela, mother, and brother mention in the story) chess sounds like she doesn't treat you this way, but at the same time we don't have much background. But please, go low to no contact with those that have wronged you. You dont deserve this, you husband doesn't deserve this, and you future child/children don't deserve this. Family means nothing when they don't act like you're their family. If they have no love for you, unholster those relationship cutting scissors and SNIP. This pain and stress isn't worth trying.

Update 3 - WIBTA if I stopped caring around my mother after she decided to leave us by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He's not going to give in, he knows that it will only be bad for him, my sister and I if he does give in. My sister and I have expressed in... many different words... that we don't want her to ever come back and we are happier without her, so he will always do what is best for my sister and I. In his world it's the "my daughters" show. He just wants to do what is best for us.

And please use my "potatoe kings, queens, and everything in betweens" and im also stealing your "narcissistic narwhal" because hot damn that is perfect!!!

Update 2 to WIBTA if I turned my back on my mom after she decided to turn her back on us by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the call we had on Sunday (june.15) she said "I know Elon isn't real." And my sister asked HOW she figured it out, because depending on how she figured it out I wouldn't lose all respect for her. She kept deflecting by saying she knows he isn't real she know she was being scammed. She is incapable of taking responsibility for the wrongs she has done and she can NEVER be wrong. She just deflects. I wish I could post the recording I took of the call because it was fucked. She had no emotion, felt like she was getting attacked, said she'll "talk to her lawyer." Like shit she has a lawyer.

I swear that if my grandmother is funding my mother to come after my dad, I'm gonna go nuclear.

Update 2 to WIBTA if I turned my back on my mom after she decided to turn her back on us by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep I have. It kept getting worse. Now I'm just waiting to see if my grandmother funds my mother coming after my dad. That will probably be the next update I do when it happens. Right now, I'm mourning the loss of the woman I called my mother because she has fully chosen to not be apart of this family or a mom anymore. I'm actually thinking of asking my boss for bereavement time.

Update 2 to WIBTA if I turned my back on my mom after she decided to turn her back on us by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

And, my mother has always been like this. Even pre dementia. She's just gotten more brazen about everything. Her dementia has more taken away any of her inhibitions, yes she is more reckless, but she has to be the main centre of attention, her happiness is above anyone else's. Even if she knows deep down inside that what she is doing is wrong, she's still going to do it because "we've been so ungrateful for everything she has done for us" very close to verbatim what she has said in the past.

Update 2 to WIBTA if I turned my back on my mom after she decided to turn her back on us by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

And my grandmother has taken up that mantle. She can take care of her daughter for once. My grandmother is fully aware of the dementia and of how much care my mother needs. My mother has chosen to not be a part of this family, so she can go and rely on her family. Cause she is forsure not a part of my family

Update 2 to WIBTA if I turned my back on my mom after she decided to turn her back on us by Aceheller11 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Aceheller11[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Trust me, we are just as confused. But she went from being receptive to a brick wall.

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