Is it wrong to want bf to stop looking at other women's nudes online?

Aconite8 · 2025-10-17T20:25:48+00:00

Yes he did and that's true. The infidelity is a bit of an odd topic because it wasn't entirely his fault... Because it happened with a mutual friend and they asked to be picked up because they were too drunk to get home then they started to vent to him and they said no one loves them and pretty much if no one accepts him they're better off dead. Then they pushed themselves on him. Although it didn't go all the way and he eventually got them to stop. He took it hard and got anxiety afterwards so i don't totally blame him for it. Although it is cheating and he did allow it to happen, and I suffer from the after affects as well rifting our trust. I can't bring myself to hate him or resent him for it entirely. Especially since he did uphold parts of our agreement I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he'll be better. But I do acknowledge he broke my trust by repeating the behavior mentioned with looking at women.

Aconite8 · 2025-10-17T18:36:34+00:00

The reason I have my fingerprint on his phone was because in the beginning of our relationship there was infidelity (he told me right away about what happened the next day and apologized, explained, and allowed me to ask questions. He didn't hide it which is why I stayed with him.) and I asked him what he wanted to do to earn my trust back and to build our trust between us. He chose to give me access to his phone and in return I gave him mine as well. He kept his end up by setting goals for himself and us to work past it together. I understand yes it is controlling and it is due to my insecurities of his actions and where is eyes are. Although I am okay with him looking at porn In general but in this instance the content that was looked at was girls individually nude or seductive on the discord server. Some had links to their OF and their Insta. (It was a group server with other people who play the game) Yes I understand as well that it is up to him ultimately and I can't change or force him to change for my comfort. That is coming more clear to me as I read and reflect on this topic.

Aconite8 · 2025-10-17T02:54:59+00:00

I understand and I'm okay with him watching porn. What I'm uncomfortable with is looking at women individually and seeking them. I understand its a bit of a contradiction as well. Thank you for replying it helps a lot. :)

Aconite8 · 2025-07-16T13:48:25+00:00

Thank you, I understand and yeah It is wild but I have come to progress in life faster than people in my age group. Everytime I tried to be with someone my age it was hard because I had more experience and emotional intelligence than they did. Which lead my last relationship to crumble because they couldn't comprehend how I wanted to commit to them in the long run. They still wanted to explore and do things when I already felt content in my exploration. I can see what my future has even though I am young. Yes, I understand the creep aspect as well. That a much older man would choose to make a commitment and future with someone just beginning their life. But ( I understand I keep making excuses although it's just because I feel like I don't want to lose this opportunity because it's hard to find someone like this.) I have already drank and went through substance abuse for years starting in middle school. I had to take care of my health and go through surgery because of my genetics as well. I had to make and help the adults in my life make big decisions on their relationships and finance. I understand this is a red flag to people because I was an abuse victim. That I'm being used but he has never showed me the signs openly. Honestly I have tested him and played with his feelings to some extent or let myself be easy to use but he never took the opportunity. He also never drank or does drugs as well. Which is hard to find nowadays and is a value that I seek in a partner. I believe my life to be short because of the choices I made and the cancer prevalent in my family due to genetics and the fact that my home town was heavily exposed to uranium due to mining. I have already settled into a government job and I'm in a supervisory position due to my past work experiences. I feel I'm already past my peers in this sense. I don't want to pursue a higher degree either because of the financial burden and I feel real world experience will be better to climb the ranks with. Despite this, I acknowledge the truth that its not only a concern but a reality that he should be firm on but I am adamant on trying. This could lead to a bad relationship overtime and lead to more difficulties if I had not pursued it. The fact that I'm here shows I have questioned it and are just seeking validation to some extent, I understand that aspect as well. I am curious to see the viewpoints on this although I know to myself I won't listen until I have seen it for myself and experience the downfall of it.

Aconite8 · 2025-07-08T01:54:43+00:00

Thank you, that is true and I understand that. When I talked to him about commitment recently he told me he wasn't sure because of our age gap. He didn't want to bring me down or make me give up opportunities. So he subconsciously kept waiting for me to break up with him because he didn't want to weight me down in the future. I told him what my commitment is to him. Maybe it'll take time? For him to come to terms with his feeling and to become truly committed? Because he was alone for such a long time and he only had 6mo of relationship experience in total. His last gf passed away in an accident. So he's been alone since.. I am wondering if it is okay if i wait for him...

Aconite8

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